What to do...? what to do...?

[Scott T.]

Hey, this is my first post here, so hello all.

The text is kind of long, but I ask you to bear with me for a bit...(you've heard this a lot, no?)
Here's my situation: (sorry to be so blunt, but I suppose I really need to vent)

I’m 24 and, after a rough patch in my life where I had no mind to think about romance, I got a job in a phone assistance office (don’t know how you say it in English exactly). It’s not the job of my dreams, but it’s very good for now, for me to start getting my life together.

Thing is, I met a girl here (you kinda saw that coming right?)…

Well, first problem is she has a boyfriend, and has been dating him for some years now…

But with time we started getting actually pretty close. We kind of pet each other a bit, some kisses on the hands, arms, occasionally neck (it was a gradual thing though, not overnight).

She's really someone I enjoy being with and talking to, so I really enjoy her in that way, and I also have a huge physical attraction to her.

She is very expansive with most men (with hugs, touches here and there, kisses (not in the mouth, mind you), etc), so it's hard to know for sure you are special to her, or just another one of the gang.

And also, although we spend a lot of time together, for all that time it's possible to find an excuse (we are in adjacent computers, we take the same bus, we have lunch together occasionally because we're the only ones that stay there for lunch on some days, etc). So it’s hard to know if we spend time because… well… “just because”… or if there’s an interest behind it…

The other day I played a song for her on my guitar and her eyes were like… staring at me… really shining and stuff… and for a second there I thought “Wow!”… it looked like she was really into me…

She’s also made me some very nice comments and compliments and stuff,,, and we've had some really... excited times here and there... once we were almost kind of losing it, and I think if I had kissed her, she wouldn't have minded at all...

But thing is I’m not very experienced and I was afraid to jump into it… so yeah… I didn’t…

After that we’ve had talks where she said she was afraid of us going farther… etc…

And people in our office have started making a lot of jokes about us being a couple and stuff…

And then, from one week to the other, she got a bit distant… and started hanging out a LOT with another coworker…
They also started going out to lunch and stuff…
And it’s annoying that they’re obviously very close and they’re acting very sneakily (though not doing a great job at it), like her saying she couldn’t have lunch with me that day because she had stuff to do and then I’d find out she had lunch with him (I mean, why not just say she was going to lunch with him?)…

I’ve even heard that she was giving very jealous-like looks at a girl with whom this coworker was talking the other day…

And this dude, started getting a lot nicer to me… which is also very annoying…

So… yeah…. Now I just don’t know what to do…

For a while there she seemed like she was getting really into me…
Can that just change over a weekend?

On the other hand I can’t say for sure she’s doing anything with him…

And, sure, maybe she is currently closer to him than to me right now… but should I just give up on it? (I know it’s the easiest answer, but it’s also the harder).

Or shouldn’t you, when you do find a girl with whom you enjoy being and talking, and she seems to also have some fondness for you, try to… I dunno…. Try to hold on to her?

And if I wanted to try and conquer her, what should I do?

[Spring Haze]

This girl is a flirt, and nothing more. She has a boyfriend. Isn't that a clear enough sign? She's also a co-worker. Do you think pursuing her is the least bit wise?

[paul019840]

I agree with Spring Haze, she is just a flirt. The fact that she also has a bf for a few years now is just another reason to not try and pursue. Who knows 2 weeks from now she could be going to lunch with another co-worker.

[Scott T.]

*sigh* Yeah... I know...

And it's wierd... I don't feel jealous or anything about her boyfriend... right now I just feel surpassed by this coworker dude...

Gotta get a grip I supose

Thank you

[alovehangoverr]

Yeah, this girl is a flirt and likes the attention. You've seen her act the same way with other co-workers, and now she's moved on from you to another.

What it comes down to is this-- she has a boyfriend, she's not taking it further than flirting with these guys, therefore it's probably nothing more than her basking in the attention she can get from these guys.