Just looking for advice..

[Carabiniere]

As a fair warning, this post will probably be very long, and I apologize in advance for that.

This seems silly to even me, reaching out for advice to a bunch of people I don't know, but I'm in a position right now that I'm literally at my "wit's end".

First a little history.

I met my now ex about two years ago and we hit it off right away. At the time I was going through the beginning of a divorce, my ex-wife and I had split about 8 months before this.

As cheezy as it may sound, it was a mutual love at first site sorta thing. We were utterly crazy about each other and I quickly knew that I was madly in love with this girl, and I knew without a doubt that she felt the same way.

Now, I recently got laid off from my job and we've been struggling to make ends meet ever sense. With her working and going to school full time, I knew immediately that she felt over-burdened. And then about two weeks ago, out of the blue, she tells me to leave.

Ever since I got laid off, her parents have been hounding her and God only knows what else they've been telling her about me and what they think about me, I don't find it a coincidence that she broke up with me right after eating dinner at the 'rents.

Anyways. She immediately told me that she still wants me in her life and wants to continue being friends. She seems to make it a point to tell me that she still loves me, and tells me more than I tell her. But she tells me that she don't want to be with me anymore. I'm fairly confident that she hasn't found someone else yet, but I don't completely rule out the idea. And she invites me over to her place at least every other day just to hang out and watch movies or whatever (no sex yet), and she's even asked me to sleep over, in her bed, a couple times.

Fast forward to last night..

Last night I was up kinda late and doing stuff on the computer and she started talking to me on Messenger. She asked me if I had any laundry to do and if I wanted to watch a movie. Well, I did have laundry to do so I told her I'd be there in a little while.

I get there and everything is "normal"...as in the same as it's been since we broke up. I go and start my laundry and we put a movie in.

We're just sitting there on the couch. Now, while we were together together, she'd always want me to be touching her in someway or another, whether it be an actual hug or cuddle or just rubbing her legs and feet. And up until last night she mostly controlled herself about it. But she just threw her legs in my lap and I rubbed, just like before.

A couple hours later I asked if she had anything to eat, I knew she did but didn't want to be rude by just going through the cupboard, and I also wouldn't normally ask but I hadn't eaten since the day before and was quite hungry. She seemed overly excited about this. She dragged me around the apartment by my hand, like I didn't know where the food was and when we got to the kitchen she gave me a big hug and told me that she loves me. This wouldn't strike me as significant, except she did the exact same thing the very first time I ever came to her place...only I didn't know where anything was and she was leading me to the bedroom.

So we ate a quick meal together and by this time we were both tired so I suggested that I take her to bed. I just tucked her in the way she likes, kissed her on the forehead and told her goodnight and started heading for the couch. This is where it gets really strange. She took my hand and asked me to rub and scratch her back until she fell asleep. This was a normal occurrence while we were together so I obliged. So I cuddled next to her and lightly scratched her back while she fell asleep. And I asked her two things. "Don't you miss this?" and "Doesn't part of you want it to never go away?", her answers, "Yes" and a shoulder shrug, respectively. Out of respect I pretty much dropped the conversation. I don't want to push her, and want to just let things naturally happen. Then she soon fell asleep and I kissed her goodnight and went to the couch.

Like I said earlier, a couple days ago she was almost completely opposed to the idea of getting back together and now it's "upgraded" to a shoulder shrug..? And this wasn't like an "I don't care, don't want to talk about it" shrug, it was a "I really don't know anymore" shrug.

I'm just so confused right now that I want to rip my hair out. It just seems like things that I said to her when we first broke up are finally starting to sink in. Does it take that long? I mean things like I wouldn't be opposed to us not living together for a while, until I start work again at least, as long as we're together I could give a shit less where I live. She kinda brought this up last night, but not to a big issue or nothing. And overall she seems more "clingy" than the last time I saw her. She'd always been clingy when we were together, I could barely walk across the room without her grabbing me for a hug and kiss, and that happened a couple times last night and this morning, but just pecks on the cheek, no lips. I mean, why would she be doing things and acting in ways she did when we were together, when she clearly knows that we're not right now, and up until I'm guessing yesterday was completely opposed (well...not completely, but it was a "not anytime soon" sorta thing) to getting back together.

I don't think she's trying to manipulate me or mess with my head, she's not the type. Do you think she just misses me as much as I miss her? From what you read do you think a part of her realizes and thinks she made a mistake?

Now I guess the advice I'm seeking is more from a female's point of view. Do I try to, not completely, cut her out? Should I just let her find someone else and do her thing with him so she realizes what she really wants? I think the hardest thing about this breakup are all the confusing vibes.

Any help or advice will be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

[alovehangoverr]

I think it goes without saying for every break up that once it happens.. you need to take some time apart.

Why?

Because your situation is exactly what happens.. and it's not really great for either parties involved.

If I were you, I'd take a step back. Let her know that although you'd also like to remain friends, she broke up with you and you need time to heal from that before you can carry on like this.

The way she's acting could go either way:

1. She does want to be with you.. and this is her somewhat weird way of making that happen.

2. She's just falling into old habits with you again. You said you're doing things you used to do for each other while you were in a relationship.. which isn't always a positive.. it just means that although she left you, she's still getting the perks of being with you without having to worry about an actual relationship.

Either way.. if she wanted to be with you, she would be. If I were you, I'd stop accommodating what she wants and how she acts.. and worry about you. Take time for yourself, break contact, work on getting over things. I realize you want her back-- but from the sound of things you didn't really do anything wrong to begin with, so why are you trying to win her back? She wanted a break up, so give it to her. Let her see how that feels.

[lahnnabell]

I second the above response. It seems she's enjoying having her way in this matter. She can tell the 'rents that she's a single girl, but play with you when she needs some love and attention.

And secondly, if this girl is going to let her parents sway her vote on a matter that should really only concern you and her, you're better off. Sounds like she's a bit immature and needs to own up to the decisions she makes. You should even say that to her (calmly though) and if she starts crying (stay calm) and say, "This is what you wanted." Exit calmly and quickly. Say what you need to say and leave.

If she really wants to work things out she'll put forth an honest effort. Not this half-hearted attempt to keep you strung up. Best of luck!