ok so my story is long and crazy but i'll try to keep it as short as possible
my ex is someone i've known since 2002, she was really young then and for the longest time i was a role model to her, someone to look up to, to count on, to talk to when the pressures of growing up would hit her and so on. she is young - right now she's almost 19, we started going out when she was 17. i am in my early 20s
well in 2007 we got really close (i'd just come off a bad relationship) and eventually we started going out. she lives far from me so it's long distance.
we had a great relationship, we shared our deepest darkest secrets, our innermost feelings, and we felt comfortable talking about literally anything, even the most touchy subjects. we agree on religious, political, and many other important views and we share many common interests.
i got to see her twice - at a convention and at her parent's house, both times were complete romantic bliss for both of us.
in summer 2008 some issues happened between us - i got needy and controlling, she responded with some (very minor) infidelity, and we broke up.
a month and a half later we got back together after she said she realized she couldn't live without me - remember we're still long distance.
given some serious issues in my life, she suggested i move to her to get away from my family problems and such. i made plans to do this, and was actively pursuing the idea. then my parents got sick and started demanding and guilting me into helping them.
result was my girl realized i was unlikely to move to her when we planned so because she didn't want to lose me she changed her mind and decided to move to me. and she always told me over and over how much she loved me and how she'd do anything for me and for us - she wrote me 15 pages of pure feelings after we saw each other one time, and it brought (happy) tears to my eyes... this girl truly loved the heck out of me!
i visited her in fall 08 and we held each other, crying, and saying that after what we've been though, we wil never be apart again, and that our love is so strong that it brought us together again and we truly were meant for each other. it was extremely emotional, and my heart completely went out to her even more than before... i was completely utterly hooked
but due to all the stress my parents were putting on me, all the constant guilting, emotional abuse, fear, etc. i started to really take things out on my girl. i started to be more emotionally abusive to her. specifically, which really hurt her the most, i did two things: 1. i would bring up the "infidelity" from last summer in anger, and 2. I'd tell her my parents are more important because they're closer, they need me, etc.
now that isn't to say we didn't have great times. she came to visit me (finally! after waiting over a year for that dream to come true) and we had a blast. every second we spent together was amazing. i did things for her that she told me no other guy ever did, i made her feel welcome with me, i showed her off... she said she felt so special and wanted and cared and loved.
my dad moved into my house in early february (because my mom guilted me into letting him because of his sickness) and thus my privacy and my relatinship with my girl went onto rocky ground. we went from daily phone calls to calling once a week at best (when I could sneak away without being questioned or when my dad left for some reason) and even our online contact dwindled because i was being made to spend most of my time caring for and hanging out with parents
so anyway we got into a huge major fight because the next planned visit we had fell through. basically, we started blaming each other, and i started to really get mean with her. we both hate the distance situation, but she started to feel like it was my fault the distance exists (i.e. i canceled the moving plans) and that it's not fair for her to do all the work for the relationship.
well the result was we broke up. initially after the breakup she told me she still loved me and just needed a break and she hoped we'd be together again after i get my life in order. her exact words at the time were "i don't want to put any more into this until you are able to put more into it" and "sometimes people who are in love do have to take a break but if there is love things will work out and we can be together again"
right up to the big fight+breakup, we still got along well for the most part, we did our sweet cute things that we did with each other online, we talked about how much in love we were, we even spoke of possible future marriage plans as recently as two days before the breakup.
fast forward 3 weeks to now, now she's very cold, angry and hurt... she tells me going back with me last summer was a big mistake, she's sorry she ever dated me, she can do better than me, and she has no intention on ever being with me again. she can't even really remember or talk about any of the good, wonderful and amazing times we had together. all she thinks of and talks about are the bad things. she exaggerates - anytime a good memory does come up in conversation, she immediately connects it to a bad one. anytime something good that i did for her comes up, she counters it with something bad i did that was more bad than the good thing was good.
to make matters worse, she's rebounding - already flirting with and "possibly having feelings" about another guy - a much older (by 20 years!), MARRIED one at that. (that's a danger zone right there - she's setting herself up for more pain) she's not officially dating, but she is definitely pointing out how much better he is than me. she said she "only feels happy when she is talking to him and helping him".
also from her: "there are people in this world who will love me completely and truly, you had 17 months to do it but you couldn't, i gave you everything i have and i gave you so many chances, it is too late and i am not going back out with you. up to you whether you move on or not but my feelings right now are that we are not going out."
from what i know about female feelings and stuff, this is playing out like a normal breakup - she's mad at me for what i did to her when i was angry, and she's hurting... and at some subconscious level she's trying to get back at me for everything, because she knows those comments stab at me like knives. definite FEMALE PRIDE at work here. she's not going to let me back in that easily.
and obviously anything i say right now goes nowhere - she only sees it as a ploy to get "my way" i.e. get her back, she will not see anything i do right now as genuine and caring. she (with the help of friends/family/rebound) has painted me as the bad guy, the PROBLEM in her life that needs to be eliminated. any explanation i offer to her accusations is an "excuse" and part of a game to win her back for selfish reasons. she will not and cannot see right now that i genuinely did and still do care about her deeply.
since the breakup i finally have stood up to my family - the end result being them demanding money back from me that they gave me years ago, taking away my job (i worked for my mom), calling up my ex telling her to send things they gave her back, etc. basically an extremely ugly mess
she found out also that i was actually looking at her area as a place to move (now that i have no job and no other opportunities here) - she said "if you're thinking of moving here to be close to me then get over it."
friends and other boards have advised me to simply stop talking to her and give her space and time to miss me. while this is basicaly where i'm about to go, she still gets mad when this prospect comes up: "you only talk to me because you want me back, if you don't get what you want you won't give anything not even friendship."
we had an extremely deep bond, given that we were friends for so long. we shared a comfort and compatibility that even some married couples lack. and i truly feel she is the one meant for me. nobody else even comes close to her.
so my question to females basically is: will the hurt+pride that she has right now fade, and will i ever have a chance to make it up to her, and work it out with her? what are the implications of this other rebound dude, not ot mention her friends and family all telling her she made the right choice to get rid of me?
f