This is the farthest I have come but I don´t think its over

[Rinyotsu]

After I (more or less) asked this girl I have been talking to if she had a boyfriend. Her response was ¨Um kind of¨ also saying that he might be mad that I text her so much if he found out.
I can´t describe it, but I don´t feel I am out of the race. Something is telling me that it isn´t over, that I still have a chance. My friend who has been helping me ever so much through this whole thing told me ¨[He doesn´t] think it is over, she doesn´t tell him about [me], which means she doesn´t want to stop talking to [me].¨ I believe him but I want some more strength to support it.

[alovehangoverr]

You can't "kind of," have a boyfriend, you either DO or you DON'T. So she obviously does. How long have they been together?

Listen, I get that you want to go after her, but I would back off with anything except friendly conversation until she figures things out. I don't know what "game," you think you're playing in-- but it's basically interferring with someone else's relationship. I'm not saying she's innocent here-- obviously she's talking to you and hiding it from her boyfriend. The fact that she knows this would hurt him/make him angry just goes to show how much consideration she has for her relationships right?

Seriously, just back off. She should end her current relationship for whatever reasons besides bringing you in.

[Rinyotsu]

¨You can't "kind of," have a boyfriend, you either DO or you DON'T. So she obviously does. How long have they been together?¨

Well, considering what I have heard other girls say (eavesdropping on accident), some girls would say they have a boyfriend and play that they do to either get the guy to back off or to see if he would believe it. The ¨kind of¨ indicates she might have one or might not. Saying he would be mad is a pretty obvious and yet realistic at the same time. Thus one cannot determine from her text if she has one of not. I would have to see her eyes when she says it as I will have the chance to in about a week.

Yeah I would like to go after her, but I know (based on previous attempts) how far to back off. I have already backed off to friendly conversation. If I were to back off completely, though, I would be showing that I lost and I don´t think I could win which would make me look bad. Considering how active I have been in her life (talking to her through her being sick and the like) it could be obvious that she may be liking me more. I am not relying on that, I am just saying that based on what I know and what I am observing, that could be the case and the reason for the ¨kind of¨

I am not playing any ¨game¨ I am not intentionally interfering with someone else´s relationship. If she turns out to have stronger feelings to the other guy, I am going to take an active role to help those feelings and the ties grow stronger. I am not the kind of guy who ¨wants the prize.¨ No, I am the guy who wants the girl I have feelings for to be happy, whether that is with me or not. I just can´t shake the feeling it isn´t over. I know when I was told by the girl I had a crush on at the end of 2008 that she didn´t like me ¨that way¨ I felt it was totally over and I went through.

¨The fact that she knows this would hurt him/make him angry just goes to show how much consideration she has for her relationships right?¨

(notice I am not saying right or wrong) Back to what I said earlier. She may be liking me more for how kind I am or that I am pretty much always checking up on her as in when she was sick, how her band competition went, how her paper she was nervous about would do kind of stuff, never asking about more personal stuff such as relationships aside from asking if there was anyone who would get mad at her for me texting her. But that is just speculation and I am NOT putting all my eggs in one basket on this. If it turns out she likes this other guy better, I will help her be with him. Like I said before, I want the girl, whom I love, to be happy, even at the expense of my happiness because even sacrificing my happiness with her, I have happiness for her which is just as good.

Just incase you were wondering, yes I like to make essay-long responses. It makes it a bit more conversational and fun plus I explain myself better and sometimes answer my own questions.

Seriously, just back off. She should end her current relationship for whatever reasons besides bringing you in.

[carl1222]

Yeah I would like to go after her, but I know (based on previous attempts) how far to back off. I have already backed off to friendly conversation. If I were to back off completely, though, I would be showing that I lost and I don´t think I could win which would make me look bad.

I am not intentionally interfering with someone else´s relationship. ... I am not the kind of guy who ¨wants the prize.¨

So if you are not intentionally interfering in her relationship, and you are not concerned about wanting the prize (i.e. not "losing") then why are you interfering in her relationship by encouraging her to dump her boyfriend for you?

If she wants to be with you, she should break up without your help at all. Why on earth would you want to be with a girl who lines up another bf before she gets rid of the last one?

Do you seriously believe you won't be in exactly the same place as her current bf down the road ... being dumped for the next flavor of the day?

My advice ... stay clear of her while she's attached. But if you don't follow my advice, I'm cool with that too because you will get what you deserve.


Carl.

[Aeradalia]

You cannot be this close to someone and NOT interfere with their decision-making process. She needs to decide for herself --- and she cannot do that with a 'friend' who wants her romantically, influencing her emotions.

You are playing a 'game'...and you are wanting the 'prize'... If she plays along with all of this, then you have to wonder... what kind of 'prize' have you actually won? A girl who is so easily swayed... who is too weak to resist the 'grass is greener' temptation.

You already have the makings of an unsuccessful relationship... should you happen to win her over. If she is swayed by you... then it is clear that she cannot be trusted to remain faithful --- that she cannot resist temptation. How she treats her current boyfriend is a good indication of how she may treat you if you were her boyfriend.

Back off and leave her be... if she wants to be with her boyfriend... then you have no right to interfere -- no right to nurse whatever doubt she has about the relationship. To do so is equivalent to manipulation and you will have had a hand in the destruction of what could be a functioning, healthy relationship. Something I'm sure you wouldn't want to have done to whatever relationship you find yourself in later on.

However, if you decide to throw all this to wind and pursue her anyway... you will find yourself in the same predicament as her current boyfriend in due time... reaping what you sow, despite your best efforts, manipulation, and false hopes.

[Rinyotsu]

You have twisted my words or I just didn´t explain it as well as I had thought.

I never meant to interfere with a relationship, until friday last week, I had no frieking clue she had a boyfriend. Honestly, the way she would talk to me indicated that didn´t have a boyfriend or didn´t know if she did.
Yes you can not know if you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, the last girl I flirted with ended acting like she liked me but kept acting like she wanted the other guy as well, I was so confused that I started talking to another girl (to get that girl´s spirits up) and the whole thing collapsed on me.
But back to my point. As soon as I found out she most likely has a boyfriend, I started backing away. I am NOT the kind of guy who would knowingly interfere in a relationship (except to help it along).

I guess that covers it, for now.
A bit of advice for those of you yet to reply to this:
STOP BEING SO HOSTILE!!!!
I only came here seeking advice and so far it seems like i have gotten the big virtual smack-in-the-face!
Tone it down people, I am just a senior, in a sort of predicament that I needed advice on. When I said I don´t think it is over, at the time I thought it meant about her and me being together, but take this into account. It may not be over because I need to right what I have done wrong before this ends. All I ask is that you open your mind and close your mouth until you have thought on it for a while. Then, and only then, if you still think I deserve it you can virtually smack me in the face.
Agreed?