Need a Man's opinion

[Lite]

Ahaha Lite! Of course he would probably kill me right there on the spot...I wouldn't even look at his car sideways....it's his baby.

Then that should be a good sign about where his real priorities lie.

[suzyr7]

You are right Lite. I knew that all along and we had that discussion...he claimed he was trying to buy happiness and that it just doesn't work. I said it's not the toys it's who you're sharing them with. He liked that answer....man he reeled me in hook line and sinker.....pulling at my heart strings...probably spotted me a mile away.

[Lite]

pulling at my heart strings...probably spotted me a mile away.

I don't think people are necessarily that intentionally callous. But there are people who are just that ****ed up that they lack empathy for anyone but themselves.

[denfor25]

.... anyway I turned him down in a long email, saying that I didn't want to upset our balance by introducing landlord tenant to the mix....he claimed he never read that email. I wonder if that was the blow to his ego that flipped our relationship around? Or maybe he's just a burro?

that is possible. How did he behaved when he claimed he did not read the email? Was he honest /looked away/ agitated? Keep in mind that in bad cases the brain can shut down a part of memory with phobia reminder event to protect itself from damaging effect; it is called "psychological amnesia"; so he could read the email that put him down, get upset and depressed but later would not remember clearly if he ever read it. Hey, I saw this in that GF of mine, it was plain scary... So if you remember some conversations or story where things did not add up and he did not seem to lie, it could be it; this means that is a real nut job...

[lahnnabell]

I've been estranged from my father for years now. Now that I've just gotten out of a relationship (that I more strongly realize now was emotionally abusive) I have had ample time to figure my stuff out.

I did some research and came across a disorder called Narcissistic Personality Disorder. My dad fit the characteristics perfectly. While it is not an official diagnosis, it has helped me understand things more (as I can not really afford consistent counseling).

I am also working on understanding why my recent ex has decided to choose his job over working on a relationship with someone who very clearly cares about him. Yes, his career deserves to be a priority, but I and our relationship very obviously was not. I want to understand the depression and anxiety he would slip into and why he took to taking it out on me. I want to understand what makes some people empathetic and others not have a clue.

This is helping me with closure. My ex couldn't provide me with all the closure I wanted as I don't believe he is even aware of what is going on with him. He just knows he slips into these "moods" from time to time. I needed more than just the space and time away from him. Now that I'm really healing I'm reaching out to find answers to remind myself that there really was nothing more or extra or better that I could've done to hold the relationship together. It's been helping a lot. Good luck to you!

[suzyr7]

Lite:
I very much agree, I was just venting. He's just a very selfish and immature man.
Maybe he just won't call today. I am so dreading it.

[denfor25]

... I did some research and came across a disorder called Narcissistic Personality Disorder. My dad fit the characteristics perfectly....
... I am also working on understanding why my recent ex has decided to choose his job over working on a relationship with someone who very clearly cares about him.... This is helping me with closure....

right on, sister! I wish more people would be able to do a simple research to try to understand why somebody (or themselfs) are behaving a certain way; it helps to understand the problem, digest it and work it out, rather then continue the vicious cycle.

[IndiReloaded]

What the hell is wrong with him?

I'm still laughing at that...."double-dog dare you"! Maybe Vashti can write what I should say tomorrow if he calls.

Well, now you have an idea why he might be divorced.

Divorces are, in my opinion, cause for Red Flags. Not that they can't happen for legit reasons, but they should at least give one pause to find out why the divorce happened. It is a rare divorce where both parties didn't have some issues to sort out about themselves.

Sounds to me you are starting to get an idea why this guy may be better off left to roam. At 50, it is unlikely he's going to change or improve.

[suzyr7]

His exes and his children are enigmas. The exes in particular hate him and want to stick it to him every chance they get, even from 3000 miles away. His oldest daughter shifts rather rapidly between loving him completely and hating him completely. He has had no contact with his other children for quite a few years, claiming he is required by the court (because his ex is ruthless) to stay inside the county that the ex lives in during visitation and that it is impractical for him to do so. These were huge red flags for me (especially the children).
It's very hard to explain but he carries an all-permeating sadness and detachment - it inspires people to want to care for him. I don't think I was the first and I won't be the last. He has difficult and strained social relations with clients, with neighbors, with past co-workers. I see now it was more than likely self-inflicted.
He did not call today and I doubt I will ever hear from him again. I will never ever understand why he built our relationship up to be one that he seemed to value and cherish and why he built me up to be someone he trusted and respected - it just seems like an awful lot of trouble to go through because ultimately it appears to have meant very little to him and he showed me no respect at all. Not having an answer to that question will probably nag me for a very long time.

[denfor25]

....He did not call today and I doubt I will ever hear from him again....

he said "I'll call you tomorrow" and he did not; and that is during the dating stage; he is not going to be any more reliable then that.

[suzyr7]

Den: it's not during the dating stage....it's during the running away stage.