What can I do?

[heeroyun]

Well, let's me take this stright. I've been in love relationship with my girlfriends for almost 4 years. I love her very much, I even want to marriage her when we graduated.

But 3 months ago, she told me that she's in love with someone else and don't love me anymore. She wanted just to be "Just friends" for a while till she can decide. I told her that I will wait for her... The next day, I couldn't resist but call her again. She told me that she want to meet me. After 3 days togethe, she told me that she want to be with me and get over that guy. I could be the happiest man at that time, I hug her tightly and promise not to let her go. I even came to her parents house for New Year Holidays, just to stay with her.

But once we both get back home, "her man" came back to our country since he's studying abroad. She again told me that she's crazy about him and want to break up. The fact that I love her, love her more than anything, I just want this to be work out but it's too hard.

Despire telling me that she doesn't love me anymore. She still want us to continue meeting and dating as usual. When we're together, she always hug me tightly, kiss and say sweet words as usual. But It's only when she's on good mood. I feel everytime I did somethings that make her angry, she would throw every bad words to me. The lastest time, she told me that I'm nothing to her so don't ask for anything from her".

But the reason I was angry that time is her friend badmouth about me with her. And she didn't even deny anything him said. She said that "Don't do anything make people badmouth about me". She never protect me from her friends when they insult me. And It have been occured since we began.

We haven't met since the lastest fight. I really miss her now but can't forget what she said to me. I really want this to work out well and we could be happy together

But what can I do now?

[carl1222]

Clearly, she doesn't share the same feelings for you that you have for her ... and she probably never has.

The fact that she never defends you against her friends' insults shows that is true.

So now she asks you to be her backup boyfriend whenever her "real" boyfriend is away. That's selfish beyond belief, don't let her do it.

You need to leave her for good ... including not trying to be her friend, unless you are comfortable knowing she is being intimate with another man.

You need to completely cut her out of your life ... NOW!!

Carl.

[heeroyun]

Clearly, she doesn't share the same feelings for you that you have for her ... and she probably never has.

The fact that she never defends you against her friends' insults shows that is true.

So now she asks you to be her backup boyfriend whenever her "real" boyfriend is away. That's selfish beyond belief, don't let her do it.

You need to leave her for good ... including not trying to be her friend, unless you are comfortable knowing she is being intimate with another man.

You need to completely cut her out of your life ... NOW!!

Carl.

But how can her do that...

I mean I've done a lot for her since we were in love. When she moved to the city, she has no friend who could help her, I'm just a student at that time but I've tried my best to help her settle everything. I even wander around the city on my bicycle just to fine for her a good house for rent. She said that she needs something could help her study better, I spent all of my saving to bought her a laptop, ... No forget that. I don't want to complain about that, I'd regret giving her anything.

I just don't understand. Why she could fall in love with someone who just met a few times and over the internet? Why she consider her friends, who never done anything for her other than "hanging around and having fun" more important than myself? I think she should have know somethings about my feeling for her and respect it?

[Fatal_End]

I'm sorry to say but she isn't interested in you anymore.

She either loved you until she met this new person, or she just loved what you had in means of attention and I guess what she could get out of it. Sadly, her actions are speaking loud and clearly that she is using you. You shouldn't have to deal with someone like that. If they've done it once, they'll do it again.

Take what you got/have left, and find someone who will not do that to you. I know it's easier said than done, but really, you do deserve better.

[heeroyun]

Oh, I forget to mention you. On the previous fight of us (about 2 weeks before) , she did call me first and tell me that she wanted to meet me although she has been very cold to me before.

What is she thiking? If she's not interested in me anymore, why take that kind of efford?

[Fatal_End]

Is she making the effort to call you or is it just her not having anything else to do is the question.

Like Carl said before me, it's not cool that she doesn't defend you when her friends say something about you. It's not good at all that she left you for someone else in the first place and came back to you so easily.

Did she even apologize/say sorry when she called?

It really seems like she just likes to call on you when she is in need of help or is in a bad mood/in need of cheering up, and you are already there. If something goes wrong with someone else, then she goes to you. Do you really want her using you like this? I don't think it's fair to you.

Really, the longer and more often you let her do this you will be unhappy. It will be hard, and make you sad, but you don't need someone to treat you like this over and over again. There is someone out there that is equally if not more beautiful that won't leave you ever!

Good luck!

[heeroyun]

Is she making the effort to call you or is it just her not having anything else to do is the question.

Like Carl said before me, it's not cool that she doesn't defend you when her friends say something about you. It's not good at all that she left you for someone else in the first place and came back to you so easily.

Did she even apologize/say sorry when she called?

It really seems like she just likes to call on you when she is in need of help or is in a bad mood/in need of cheering up, and you are already there. If something goes wrong with someone else, then she goes to you. Do you really want her using you like this? I don't think it's fair to you.

Really, the longer and more often you let her do this you will be unhappy. It will be hard, and make you sad, but you don't need someone to treat you like this over and over again. There is someone out there that is equally if not more beautiful that won't leave you ever!

Good luck!

She never apologize about anything, never, It's just her nature and she hate admitting her fault.

Maybe you're right... She called me because her brother took over her bed when she got home so she need a place to rest, since I'm living alone, I have one.

I have a talk with her brother a day of our latest argurment. He said that It's her nature that she only look what's far away and what she can't have, something of it obbsessed her. And look down to what she have: her brother, her family and even her lover. She will think that the act of caring and loving is something obivious for her...

I don't really know what to do now. It's just we have 4 years together. Too many things, too many memories that we share together, ... Am I stupid?

[Fatal_End]

I say it could have been worse. You could have been with her for say ten years, married, etc. Then get a divorce and have to give half of what you own, plus child support if you have a kid. (Although that isn't a big issue if you love your kid.)

Hey, 4 years is not bad. But now you really know who she is, and it's time for you to move on now that you are not getting the same love in return. Take what you got and learned and keep doing the good things, cut out the bad things/mistakes you've made.

If you're stupid for not being able to break away so quick, then than means at least 2+ million people are stupid too, as most people who have been in relationships have gone through similar situations as you have. That just makes you human. You're not stupid, you're smart. You'd only be stupid if you stayed in the relationship knowing you could stop getting yourself hurt and letting her hurt you.

It's like saying he who asks a question is a fool for 5 seconds or something of the like. But those people who don't ask questions will never find answers and know better. And there definitely always is better out there.

So, you don't have to be stupid forever, just make an effort and move on, I'm telling you it'll be hard now but it'll be all the more worth it when you do find that special someone who doesn't treat you like this.