Is it normal?

[xluckythangx]

My fiance and I have been together for a little over 2 years and have been engaged since May of 2007. We have an 11 month old son, which we were trying to have. But our relationship was perfect, until I found out I was pregnant, and then it all seemed to go downhill. We started arguing a lot, and he seemed like he lost interest in me. He never wanted to take care of his son, and other things (like sleep and video games) always seem more important. I broke up with him on Halloween but we ended up getting back together after a month or two, because I thought he changed. When I moved back in everything was perfect again for about 2 weeks, then everything started to fall apart again. I work 2nd shift and he's currently unemployed collecting unemployment. I don't see why he can't get up with the baby in the morning and let me get a few more hours of sleep seeings how he has NOTHING to do all day. I have only Monday's off from work, and I want that to be family day, but he always plays his stupid video games, for the whole day and totally acts like I don't exist. When I mention him that I don't like this and that I want more family time and more help with the baby and the chores and more attention he says I'm being needy. I just don't know if its normal to feel like your relationship has just turned into a friendship, because he always tells me that this is what happens when your with someone so long?! I love him, but its turning into a more hate love relationship. I feel like I'm being taken for granted here..
Please can someone give me some type of advice?!

[fi123]

He is obviously acting very selfishly and its hard to know what to do to get him to change...possibly he won't and this is something that you are going to have to put up with if you stay with him.

[alovehangoverr]

It doesn't sound like he wants to grow up and accept his responsibilities-- he doesn't have a job and he plays video games all day instead of helping out with the kid you have together.

If he's not willing to man up and be the boyfriend and father he needs to be with your first child-- I think the addition of this second child could be what's causing him to regress further. It's more responsibility that he can't or more likely doesn't want to handle.

Ditch the boy, find yourself a man.

[xluckythangx]

I only have one child? so I don't understand what you mean about this "addition to the second child?" there is not second child its just one but I was saying when i found out I was pregnant with the one that we have everything went downhill..

[DoesntMatter]

You have excellent taste in men

[vashti]

Let's count back. You've been seeing him 2 years (24 months). You have an 11 month-old baby, and you were pregnant for 9 months. If I am counting correctly, that means you got pregnant after 4 months of dating him, and you were actually dumb enough to TRY to get pregnant? And now you are surprised that he isn't the same guy you knew for the first 4 months of dating?

You were a very foolish girl, and there is probably no easy solution to your problem. the only thing I can say is do NOT repeat these bad choices when you and your boyfriend split up. You shouldn't have been trying to get pregnant with someone who was practically a stranger in the first place. Now it's too late, and some problems can't be fixed.

Sorry to sound harsh, but I really can't believe your way of thinking at all.

[alovehangoverr]

I only have one child? so I don't understand what you mean about this "addition to the second child?" there is not second child its just one but I was saying when i found out I was pregnant with the one that we have everything went downhill..

Ooooh, my bad-- I thought you said you were pregnant again.

Either way my advice still stands-- it doesn't sound like he'd ready for the responsibility of being a husband and a father. It's one thing to talk about marriage and starting a family-- but when it actually happens it's a whole other situation, which I'm guessing he found out.

Also, I agree with the above [if the above is right] that if you were trying to have a kid with this guy after 4 months-- WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? The 2 or 3 year mark for couples is really the make or break sort of time for couples-- do you continue the relationship or do you get bored and leave? Guess which one your fiance is.

[xluckythangx]

um maybe your counting is off, because actually, we started dating in Febuary, and I got pregnant in September? pretty sure thats more than 4 months, but maybe I don't know how to count? and I knew him for like 3 years before we even dated. so he wasnt a complete stranger, so dont tell me that I'm foolish for trying to have a kid! you dont even know me, I was just asking if it was normal for guys to change, and stop being so affectionate after being with a girl for a couple years! so I think your foolish!!!
& I'm not sorry for sounding foolish!

[vashti]

[FONT="Georgia"]My fiance and I have been together for a little over 2 years and have been engaged since May of 2007. We have an 11 month old son, which we were trying to have.

Not only can I count, but I can read, too. I based my response on what YOU wrote.

About your "engagement": do you have a ring and a date? what are you waiting for?

[alovehangoverr]

um maybe your counting is off, because actually, we started dating in Febuary, and I got pregnant in September? pretty sure thats more than 4 months, but maybe I don't know how to count? and I knew him for like 3 years before we even dated. so he wasnt a complete stranger, so dont tell me that I'm foolish for trying to have a kid! you dont even know me, I was just asking if it was normal for guys to change, and stop being so affectionate after being with a girl for a couple years! so I think your foolish!!!
& I'm not sorry for sounding foolish!

Pretty sure that math was right on actually.. but whatever.. adding an additional 4 months on that doesn't change a thing. Realistically-- even if you were friends with him for 3 years prior, a FRIENDSHIP and a RELATIONSHIP are two very different things. So yes. Deciding to have a child with someone you've been in a RELATIONSHIP with for under a year is foolish. Get upset about it all you want, it's a personal opinion.

And to answer you question-- no, it's not normal for him to be less affectionate with you, argue with you all the time, lose interest in you, acts like you don't exist, and treat you like a friend. Lets put the baby and engagement aside for a second-- all of those things right there would signify an end of a relationship. If he can't hack being with you a "little over 2 years," and isn't spending time with you or his kid-- you know what you need to do.

[xluckythangx]

thanks, he just says it happens to all relationships after they move in with each other. and that the "clingy lovey feeling" always fades, thats just a feeling you get when your first with someone, but I still feel that way towards him, and it hasnt faded for me. So I didn't know if it really did eventually fade and you loose those feelings. I never saw a good relationship growing up my mom always moved from guy to and guy and they always beat her so I only know what I've experienced.
& yes I have a ring, and I've had a ring, and he said he's waiting for me to be 21 to get married. Which I have another year. But we were supposed to get married last summer, then this summer, now next summer. no date set yet though, and I'm deciding if I want to set a date thats why I came on here, because if its like this after 2 years I dont want to imagine living like this for the rest of my life, and I dont believe in divorces. Do you think that counseling could help the relationship?