Am I stupid for feeling this way

[bud2075]

Hi eveyone,my wife and I have been going through some difficult times for the past few years in regards to intimacy,She had an affair a few years ago and has confided to me since then,that love making really wasnt satisfying to her because felt turned off, because of the fact that I have a small penis..(the affair was with an ex boyfriend and really seemed to bring the issue to the forefront)...I posted about this on the site and got some really great advice,which helped me sit her down and discuss the way that it was making me feel. She said that she did love me but still had feelings for her former lover...since than I decided to leave and have been staying with a friend,it looks like we will have to start thinking about seperating....anyway do you think that I am an idiot for still having some feelings for her,I know deep down that it probably cant work,yet I still feel an emotional let down. thanks

[misombra]

you're not an idiot for feeling bad, you would be more of an idiot if you stayed with her.

[1sxybtch]

of course you're not an idiot for still having feelings. you felt strongly enough about her to marry her... it stands to reason that ending a relationship with her would be painful and that the feelings that you had for her would not just dissipate completely.

but, at the same time, it also sounds like you have some major issues that may not be able to be worked out. while sex is not the only thing that's important in a relationship, a sense of intimacy between a married couple is important. and, even more so, trust is important. it sounds like you might be destined to be good friends, but not husband and wife and the fact that you still feel something for her will help to keep things amicable as you separate.

good luck!

[bud2075]

thanks,I guess some of it has to do with the fact that she is the only one that I have been with,and Im a bit worried that this issue might happen again..I know it may seem trivial but I guess the male ego can be that way

[1sxybtch]

what may happen again? that you will end up with someone who cheats on you?

just treat this as a lesson learned. now you know how things can fall apart. be upfront with the next person you are with... keep the doors of communication open and let her know that you want to know about any concerns she has (and that you want to be able to share your concerns) before it gets to the point where someone is cheating and the trust is eroded.

[bud2075]

I mean Im worried that my next partner might be dissapointed because of my size,although I am told that I am handsome,I always feel that insecurity issue(which is why I waited so long to be intimate)...I guess I will just keep moving forward anyway and let the chips fall where they may

[IndiReloaded]

Get some counselling, Bud. You seem like a good guy. The fact you still love her, after all she did, says your feelings are genuine. You aren't silly for having them, only silly if you act on them.

She had an affair. She worked you over, mentally & emotionally. That's pretty low down on the food chain.

Unless your penis looks like a dried cocktail weiner, I'm sure its fine. Did you worry about it *before* she had the affair? Something to think about.

[bud2075]

thanks indie,yes it is something that I have always struggled with..I know that I am quite below average but have always tried to make up for it in other ways..I think its just a matter of finding the right type of person who is more into the emotional highs of being intimate,rather than just the "act"...once again all the support I have recieved here is very inspiring..thanks again

[alovehangoverr]

Hmm.. from what I know of cheating, there's a really good chance that your penis not being big enough wasn't the real issue here or what caused her to cheat. She probably enjoyed the excitement and high of things and was likely already looking for an excuse to step out on you.

It's funny to me that instead of coming to you with this "problem," to try and find ways to fix it-- she went with someone else. And when you find out about the affair she can conveniently blame you for her cheating. I love when cheaters do that.

Do yourself a favor and get out of this relationship completely.

As for future partners-- like you said, there are numerous other ways to pleasure a woman if you are "below average" in that department. It really shouldn't be an issue.

[bud2075]

thanks again...you guys are awesome

[Sonrisa]

yeah, i am one of those bitches who'd cheat if a partner has a small penis.

[alovehangoverr]

yeah, i am one of those bitches who'd cheat if a partner has a small penis.

Yeah because ending the relationship before pursuing something else would be too classy right?

[Sonrisa]

yeah, sometimes you can really love the person, but hate having sex with him. how about that now?

[alovehangoverr]

yeah, sometimes you can really love the person, but hate having sex with him. how about that now?

Oh so that's a legitimate reason to deceive and betray your current partner and have sex with someone else? Sounds like a great relationship.

[alovehangoverr]

deceive and betray? he gets to enjoy my presence ALL the time, and a cute Puerto Rican boy only for one hour or so. come on, get real now!

Oh so you'd let your partner know you were hooking up with someone else then? That would be the only way you wouldn't be straight up deceiving and betraying your monogamous relationship.. if the person you were with was alright with you stepping out.