Okay, now I'm a little confused.

[lahnnabell]

So, this past month has been going really well. It's been stressful because the students had this giant exhibition about two days ago and were preparing these gigantic projects (like making biofuel, building mini-rollercoasters, etc.) My ex and I have had to interact a lot due to all the project planning and student support, but it's been all about work.

Earlier this week I got a call from his mom (who is awesome) and she needed a favor. My ex is going back to New England for spring break and his mom needed some things that I knew how to find. She had tried asking him to do this favor for her, but (typical him) he made no attempt to understand what she needed and told her to call me. I happily obliged because she's done so much for me in the past year.

I pick up the things she needs and go to drop them off at my ex's apartment along with a note for him. I wrote him this note as a "thank you" for being so accommodating during the break-up (helping me transport my bed, giving me space to pack up in peace) and also a thank you for introducing me to teaching. I wouldn't be in this amazing position without having met him. Also to say that I still care about him very much, but am enjoying having my own space again and being able to focus on my own life.

Later on that night... My friends and I go out to eat and then to a show at a bar in Solana Beach. We're finishing up dinner when I noticed I missed a call. It was my ex. I go outside to call him back and ask him what's up. He said he was just calling to thank me for picking up his mother's things and for my note. That he would pack the things in with his stuff. I was confused as to why I needed these details, but welcomed him regardless. He wished me a good spring break and said he'd talk to me when he got back.

I'm just... confused. Why did he call? Am I reading into this? I do miss him, and I did want to work things out originally. I'm not sure where I stand right now. I'm not saying I would jump at the chance to move back in with him, but I feel like I want to work on creating new, healthy patterns by taking it slow. I'm on a great path with grad school, both jobs, friends, being on my own. Muuhr.

Reference my previous post if you need more back story: [URL="http://www.loveforum.net/ask-male-forum/28776-relationship-break-up-vent.html"]http://www.loveforum.net/ask-male-forum/28776-relationship-break-up-vent.html[/URL]

[lesa]

It's like he planned those things. Now that you have returned the favor for his mother, you are no longer obligated to continue to contact her or do things for her.

You guys recently broke up. He said that you were not a priority and he was also cheap and lazy. Now that he lives alone he has to pay it all and he has to clean after himself. But what about the priority?

In my opinion, no man is worth returning to if he doesn't respect you and he doesn't show a major effort to get you back.

You are still not a priority.

[lahnnabell]

I hear you. And you're right. I'm still not a priority. I suppose that's where I confuse myself the most. I used to convince myself that it was my fault for wanting to be a priority when, in reality, it's just the nature of being in a relationship. In order for it to function it has to be a priority in your life.

I also used to worry that it was something about me that was causing my boyfriends to lose interest in the work. I realize now that it was simply the work itself. I told them all the same thing when we broke up, "It's gonna be no different when the next girl comes along. It's all gonna take work. Don't kid yourself into thinking it's supposed to be easy." And they say, "I know." But no, they really don't.

I feel like I keep getting all the men in training. I've dated a guy who was clearly in love with his best friend, one guy who couldn't get enough attention from anyone, a bipolar guy, a guy who was just frustratingly afraid of life, an apathetic "I'm gonna drink so my life doesn't look that bad" guy, a guy who was depressed and probably never going to finish college at the rate he was going. They all look great from far away, but I end up getting sucked into their bullsh**! The frustrating part is I've talked to many of them years later and they're doing well! But when I got to them they were all broken and in need of a nurturing soul. Enter me.

I don't want this to be the pattern my life takes. I have yet to meet a guy that really has it together. His finances, education, work, hobbies, and still has time to help with the dishes and rub my feet when I need it.

[denfor25]

Hi lahnnabell,
Keep in mind that in general men behavior is more primitive then women; it is based on logic rather then emotions; men is often struggling with reading little signs and signals women sends and correspondingly does not send them; so do not read much into this actions, most likely he did not mean anything in terms of relationship between you two and just thankful for the things you did for him mom that he otherwise would be obligated to do and; and move on with your life…
Denfor25

[s_b]

"I have yet to meet a guy that really has it together. His finances, education, work, hobbies, and still has time to help with the dishes and rub my feet when I need it"

This is me but my ex seemed to take it for granted...i even began to doubt myself that this was the wrong way "to act" with someone you love...I'll save that foot powder for the next girl (but she rubs my feet first!)

[Gigabitch]

I feel like I keep getting all the men in training. ... The frustrating part is I've talked to many of them years later and they're doing well! But when I got to them they were all broken and in need of a nurturing soul. Enter me.

Oh, how many times have I said that? Hilarious. I often wonder just what the hell the other girls my boyfriends dated before me were doing, since there was very little evidence that they taught these boys a single thing.

I finally just decided to keep one for myself. He still required a shocking amount of training, but the raw material was good.

I think your ex isn't good raw material, lahnna. He's lazy. That doesn't make him a bad person, but it does make him underqualified for the position of Mr. Right.