Essence of Attraction

[Rollerderby]

This is spinning of my last thread I started, which was titled "Attracted to Rejection."

Basically, something one of the other users said brought a new question to my mind, what makes you attracted to someone?

We have all heard of theories ranging from soul mates to pheromones that are emitted that we pick up on subconsciously. Evolution has played a big part on how people get together.

For me, physical attraction plays a cool second to someone's intellect and their charisma, i.e. how comfortable they are around themselves and me. People who try too hard stick out like a sore thumb.

But with guys, physical attraction is preliminary. So what comes next? Is it possible to bring yourself beyond the limitations of just being seen as a sexual object?

[Gribble]

Big boobs. Round asses. Possessing a vagina.

[Rollerderby]

Big boobs. Round asses. Having a vagina.

ahem... I said BEYOND being a sexual object. But funny, har har <--- I'm laughing see?

[Gribble]

... uh... I guess breathing would be important. I'm mostly attracted to women who are still alive. At the very least I don't want a woman who is in an advanced state of decay.

[Mish]

It's impossible to say because the meaning of attraction changes. I'm certainly not attracted to the same things I was when I was a teenager. Where as a fukable figure was good enough before, I am very keen to avoid and ignore any beautiful woman that raises red flags for me, even if they choose to pursue me. I found that, as we get to know ourselves better, what we are attracted to fine tunes and develops.

[bluesummer]

As a woman, I would say physical attractiveness has not been on the top of my list. I'm not interested in extremely hideous or overweight men, but beyond that, I'm not really picky. I can look and decide right away if it's a definite no-go, or if there's potential. Truth is, when I first met my fiance I didn't find him drop dead gorgeous, but he wasn't UN-attractive either, so he wasn't counted out. I'm attracted to a positive attitude, a sense of humour, and intelligence....you can often pick up a lot about a person just by how they talk and their choice of words. I would say a man catches my attention quickly if he is articulate and seems easy going.

I've always hated that men are about the physical attractiveness.....not because I feel any pressure to look good, just because it always made me feel like a piece of meat. I didn't trust men who hit on me, because I knew they were going simply by what they SAW, and were therefore in the mindset of whether or not I was worth screwing. Awesome!

When I started online dating, I purposely put up a mediochre picture, and then only replied to the men who responded to parts of my write up, so I knew they had actually read it and at least attempted to look like they had taken interest in who I was as a person.

[Doc Durian]

"But with guys, physical attraction is preliminary."

Depends on the guy, doesn't it?

Why do I often find myself walking through the mall on a hot summers day and quietly thinking, "thousands of scantily clad legs, tits and arses." but not feeling overtly attracted to anyone in particular? Yet, if a conversation gets struck up or a laugh is had with whomever, physical attraction then becomes a possibility or not... it's all really pot luck.

I think any guy who's noticed and questioned the disparities between the genders and relationships (ie. flirtation, self promotion, role playing, primping/preening, territory, etc...) has a similar sense.

That's why seemingly studly men are often seen with beautiful women (and their chicken feet or knobby knees).

[Rollerderby]

I think any guy who's noticed and questioned the disparities between the genders and relationships (ie. flirtation, self promotion, role playing, primping/preening, territory, etc...) has a similar sense.

That's why seemingly studly men are often seen with beautiful women (and their chicken feet or knobby knees).

Hmm... can you explain a bit more in depth about the first part?

also, I'm not totally sure what you mean by the second part.

[Rollerderby]

As a woman, I would say physical attractiveness has not been on the top of my list. I'm not interested in extremely hideous or overweight men, but beyond that, I'm not really picky. I can look and decide right away if it's a definite no-go, or if there's potential. Truth is, when I first met my fiance I didn't find him drop dead gorgeous, but he wasn't UN-attractive either, so he wasn't counted out. I'm attracted to a positive attitude, a sense of humour, and intelligence....you can often pick up a lot about a person just by how they talk and their choice of words. I would say a man catches my attention quickly if he is articulate and seems easy going.

I've always hated that men are about the physical attractiveness.....not because I feel any pressure to look good, just because it always made me feel like a piece of meat. I didn't trust men who hit on me, because I knew they were going simply by what they SAW, and were therefore in the mindset of whether or not I was worth screwing. Awesome!

When I started online dating, I purposely put up a mediochre picture, and then only replied to the men who responded to parts of my write up, so I knew they had actually read it and at least attempted to look like they had taken interest in who I was as a person.

That's a great idea about online dating haha! I'm still a bit chicken to try anything like that, even though I know tons of people who have. Call me old fashioned.


I feel you about feeling like a piece of meat. I don't know if I give off vibes of some kind. My dressing habits are tailored to enhance my own self, but not overtly sexual "come hither siren" in any kind of way. Yet I seem to always attract these bone-headed guys who will literally grab my ass, and not get the hint. I try to minimalize using the "bitch stick" but sometimes you gotta be a jerk to the jerks.


And about your first paragraph. I agree wholeheartedly. Hard to find those ones, yes they are. (throw back to Yoda. Hollerrrrrr)

[Doc Durian]

Hmm... can you explain a bit more in depth about the first part?

also, I'm not totally sure what you mean by the second part.

Sure. First part:

Barring a few Mediterranean types, most guys don't make huge efforts in the superficial stuff. Women tend to. It's in their nature to collect shiny things for their nests, plump out their chests, sing a coo' coo' and amass as much as possible to carry them through their lives. This as part of the female song and dance number is extensive and exhausting to watch or partake in by those men raised in the modern gender role revolution.. those of us who find this sort of biological fueled "strutting" to be amusing if not archaic. Particularly since feminism has allowed many a modern female to have her cake and eat it too thus not requiring "a man".

It's always been about power over one another... men and women.

Part Two:

We all have flaws and we're judged by them... physical, emotional, mental, whatever. And in a world which is quite brutal on women, often perpetrated by women, physical variations don't matter as much to men as it ironically does to women.

Women decimate one another in their bid to secure desired goals.

So when a gorgeous soul, intelligent, funny, whatever female creature with a beauty of her own has knobby knees, odd shaped ears or cheek bones, etc etc... she probably doesn't rate herself very highly, based on her sisters worldwide influence..

But she has the same man securing aspirations...

and a kindness... humility... empathy for others.

That makes her type whole to me. Highly desirable.

Physical attraction is important, but I've long since ceased to bother with the supermodel types. Especially when they insist from the onset that they're "NOT" high maintenance, or superficial, or cruel.

[LoveHurts09]

As a woman, I would say physical attractiveness has not been on the top of my list. I'm not interested in extremely hideous or overweight men, but beyond that, I'm not really picky. I can look and decide right away if it's a definite no-go, or if there's potential. Truth is, when I first met my fiance I didn't find him drop dead gorgeous, but he wasn't UN-attractive either, so he wasn't counted out. I'm attracted to a positive attitude, a sense of humour, and intelligence....you can often pick up a lot about a person just by how they talk and their choice of words. I would say a man catches my attention quickly if he is articulate and seems easy going.

I've always hated that men are about the physical attractiveness.....not because I feel any pressure to look good, just because it always made me feel like a piece of meat. I didn't trust men who hit on me, because I knew they were going simply by what they SAW, and were therefore in the mindset of whether or not I was worth screwing. Awesome!

When I started online dating, I purposely put up a mediochre picture, and then only replied to the men who responded to parts of my write up, so I knew they had actually read it and at least attempted to look like they had taken interest in who I was as a person.

isn't that a little shallow? not all men r like that....
maybe it's a rare case but it's still true

the only thing i care about is if a girl thinks she looks good, seeing her happy makes her 100x more attractive then seeing her worrying about what she looks like etc.
i have respect for women but they have to respect themselves too

[brigitte]

I'm attracted to a mans voice and his ability to make me smile. Also if I feel like I can be myself around him and not be judged for being "too this or too that" then that's great. I think chemistry is important but that could be triggered by voice, a look, a smile, a gesture, a laugh, an understanding of each other...not only the sex or physical aspect of chemistry.
Other things appeal like his handwriting, the way he treats others, his positive attitude...it all adds to his attraction factor for me.

[Gigabitch]

I'm attracted to height, grace, and a great smile right off the bat.

Then we get into the long list of turnoffs that can kill the deal. I won't bother to list them, I'm sure everyone has their own.

[The Godfather]

This is an incredibly gender biased question. If you're really interested in learning about this sort of stuff, I've read dozens of really good books on the psychology of attraction. In the sense of what drives us on a very biological level, it's really not that complicated.

Men look for women who will be most fertile, and produce the healthiest offspring. Thus men are most attracted to the "best looking" women. Not saying that looks are all that matters, but that's what triggers attraction.

Women on the other hand, look for a man who will produce offspring, that will most likely find a mate out it's own and live a prosperous life. Which translates into a man of "high status." High status includes, power, leadership, fame, confidence, creativity, strength and a sense of mature masculinity. To a lesser extent, the way a man looks can him high status, but it's far less important. On a deep level, women can actually sense all these things about a man, almost as fast a man can decide if a women is "hot"

To me this doesn't take away from the whole experience of love... actually it helps me to make sense of the whole mess

Woah, now I'm rambling. Didn't mean for this to turn into a lecture. lol.

[Gribble]

When I started online dating, I purposely put up a mediochre picture, and then only replied to the men who responded to parts of my write up, so I knew they had actually read it and at least attempted to look like they had taken interest in who I was as a person.

Pbbt. Whatever. Even an ugly pic of you would still be fairly hot my little fillet mignon.