Hi guys, I'm new here. I'm in need of a male's opinion. Here's some info about my situation.
My best friend and I met back in summer of '02, just before my senior year of high school, at a bonfire. Since the first time I met him, I was immediately drawn into him. First thing I noticed was his smile, and polite/kindness to come introduce himself to me. When senior year started, I hung out with him and that same group of friends from the bonfire. A week later, he asked me out. He was my first boyfriend, and first full on kiss. We lasted a week because he was known for only having week long relationships before getting bored and moving onto to the next girl. I was very saddened, but wanted his friendship more than anything. We later became the best of friends, which never happens with him because he ends up not wanting to talk to the ex gf ever. It made me feel wonderful that he wanted to keep me in his life. We were bad, ditched all the time together, spent a good 3 months of Saturday schools together, enjoyed hanging out with one another and had deep conversations over the phone many a nights.
Our close-knit friendship continued for 7 years. In that time, I have had a high school sweetheart with a 5 year off and on relationship, and a couple other boyfriends after that. He'd been my go-to person for advice, and vice-versa. We'd tell each other everything. He joined the army in late 2003, been on 4 deployments (currently in his 4th) and our friendship has been mostly through the phone or via internet. Here's the thing. My best friend has a different personality than most people. As much as I can confide in him with everything, he tends to have a solo-mindset. He has always taught me to trust only myself, because I am the only person who will never leave my side. He also has these moods...he'll either be an amazing friend and treat me wonderfully; or he'd be heavily sarcastic and moody, trying to pick unnecessary fights which amuses him and we end up not talking for a few days to even a month or more. He's very easy to let go of friends in a heart beat because he just doesn't care, yet he's mentioned to me all the time how he's amazed with our friendship because I'm the only true friend he's ever had, and our friendship has lasted the longest.
Now this is the big kicker. Summer of 2008, he came home on 30 days leave. I hadn't seen him in over a year. During his leave, I fell back in love with him. I confessed to him my feelings, and he told me how he had been feeling the same way for years. We ended up sleeping together and sharing wonderful memories. Thing is, he told me it wouldn't be right for us to get together since he'll be away. He told me I need to focus on myself and getting a career, and he needs to focus on his job. I told him I'd support him and always be there for him no matter what happens between us. It was a very hard goodbye, and I missed him so much. It was eating me up inside while he was gone because I loved him and missed him. But ever since then, he was more sarcastic and moody. He also encouraged me to go out there and find a man that would treat me with respect. He also grilled me about getting a job and finishing school, as well as living on my own. Time past, and he was sent on his 4th deployment. Fast forward to January of this year, he told me he had leave for 2 weeks. At that time, I had a boyfriend. I was nervous with my best friend coming back because his mood was really off. Very sarcastic and very easily on edge. When he came back, we shared some good times, but more-so bad. He was a little bit stand-offish and cold. He left without saying goodbye as well, and we've only talked once since. I've sent him messages via internet, and only got one response from him. He has tried calling me one time and left me a voicemail about a week ago which I'm angry about cause I missed it!!!
I'm just so stuck and lost. I'm still so in love with my best friend, but I know how to control it and keep it friendly. I am so supportive of him and patient. I would do everything that it takes to be with him, but I know he is not in the mindset for a relationship, and I totally respect that. Thing is, I feel I don't even have him there as a friend. Only reason why he responded to my last message was because I told him I needed some advice and want my best friend back. His words were very encouraging, but he's vanished yet again. I have a letter for him ready to be sent in the mail just of stuff saying that I hope he's safe and well, and updating him about my job etc. Not really personal. If I were to tell him how much I miss him, that would just push him away and make him roll his eyes. Sometimes I wish I had his strong mindset. Should I just keep being patient and wait until he is ready to talk to me again? What should I do? And what advice do you have for me to try to get over my love for him? It's been 7 years of this....for a good 4 years I thought I was over him, but it still would linger back from time and time again. I wonder what is going on in his head.
Sorry this is so long. I just wish I had my best friend back. Thanks so much for taking the time to read.