How much about your SO's past do you know?

[Softsoul]

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year. During this time, I never explicitly asked him about his past, but the information kept coming in small bits and pieces. I know he had about two serious girlfriends, but I don't know for how long, or any other specific information about it. In a way I really wish to know because I want to get to know him better. But there is another side of it; I'm kind of afraid to ask because I'm afraid the info might hurt me. I love him so much and the idea of him being with another woman hurts. What do you think, how much of your bf/gf's past should you know? Do you have to know the details or are you saitsfied with the unknown?

[doppelgaenger]

By the sincerity of your post I can tell that the problem lies within your insecurity and feelings.

I will bet that even now, thoughts of his past and imagery of him with an ex or other women is already bothering you, and I think you need to get over that. Instead, you should admire his will to commit to a relationship - because not many men are like that. You need to remember that the past is dead and gone, and the present which it lead to brought him to nobody other than you. He wants to be with you.

Other than that, I think it's a matter of compromise. For example, perhaps you absolutely would not be able to bear hearing about his previous sex life. Most people would find that unacceptable... and if he does it, you should interrupt him and talk to him about this. You have to communicate with him about things you don't want to hear.

[starbuck]

You can only "know" so much of someone from his or her past relationships. Alot of times the past is a time were mistakes were made anyway. Things he did or didn't do with an ex, he might do differently with you now. I can definitely understand the curiosity, but why do you want to know? Do you not trust him for some reason? Do you think that he's harboring feelings for an ex?

My boyfriend and I don't generally talk about our past relationships (especially because we've had some dysfunctional ones) at all. There are no details I'd really care to hear about his exes. Am i mildly curious? Maybe. But I love the man he is now. That's all I really care about.

There's nothing wrong with asking, but I don't think it's crucial that you need to know for your relationship to progress. Unless you think he's an axe murderer or something.

[vashti]

I don't think anything more than generalities is any of your business, to be honest, and I don't think you would feel any better knowing details.

[Gigabitch]

If you can't handle it, don't ask.

[ecojeanne]

i don't think it will benefit you or the relationship if you know more info about his past. best not to talk about it. as sb said the past gf's are likely mistakes he wouldn't like to tell you about. i know i wouldn't discuss my past with future bf's, it's none of their business

[Cain]

I don't understand why knowing that he's been with other women will hurt you. Extreme insecurities. You know that his penis has been in another vagina. Why let it bother you?

[bluesummer]

My fiance and I only release info on our past on a very general basis. I know the names of most of his past gf's, I've heard of an occasional one-nighter, but beyond that, I don't want any details. Likewise, I don't think there's parts of my history that he wants or needs to know about. It's no longer important anyways.

I think when you start a new relationship, it's best to wipe the slate clean and start with just you and him. Forget the people that either of you were with, because you can't erase the past. You can however, make a great future. Let it go.