sooo confused and need advice....

[Kelly1]

ok, so the guy i was sleeping with, he told me the other day his ex wanted him back and she is going to see him tomorrow and is getting her stuff and wants to talk to him. he reckons if he thinks she really wants to give it another go then he will go back to her. i know, i should forget him, but i can't and i really don't want to lose him, not even as a friend. he said he would let me know what is happening, now i have this gut feeling i should text him now, and just remind him to let me know, or ask when we will see each other or something, i know i should just leave him to get on with it, but i am really missing him and need to know..... should i leave it, should i text him, should i wait, what should i do???

[jakki2903]

I would definitely, definitely not text him - do something else. If he is seriously considering going back to his ex then you are wasting your time. At least he has been honest about it. I would say that if he doesn't get in touch then he has got back with his ex and will end up just ignoring you which will hurt more. Leave the ball in his court. If it is meant to be it will work out. PS: You say it's just sex - how long have you been sleeping with him?

[Kelly1]

we have had an on off relationship for 2 years BUT we have never officially been a couple. His longest relationship was 7 months, and i drove him into the arms of her, he ended up staying with her that long to teach me a lesson. the thing is, i think he is the one, he is the only one who i feel complete with, and before him i had a 3 year relationship. He hasn't said he wants to get back with her, but he hasn't said he doesn't want to. I have tried to leave him for good so many times, but every time he comes back and each time i think that it might be for good. Everytime he ends up with someone else. He texted me the other night, saying how sorry he was to mess me about, and that he does care for me and doesn't want to loose me. if that is true then i think , why doesn't he want to be with me. he is in the army, and reckons now that he doesn't want a girlfriend where he is from, because he is away from home sometimes for a long time. he wanted to text me tomorrow and say what is happening, at first i thought even if he didn't bother not to worry because he isn't going to give me what i want. but he always comes back, and i am not strong enough to tell him to leave me alone. i suppose i will just have to wait, and keep telling myself i am not a hure and if he wants me then he has to be my bf. if he really wants me then he will come, i guess...

[jakki2903]

we have had an on off relationship for 2 years BUT we have never officially been a couple. His longest relationship was 7 months, and i drove him into the arms of her, he ended up staying with her that long to teach me a lesson. the thing is, i think he is the one, he is the only one who i feel complete with, and before him i had a 3 year relationship. He hasn't said he wants to get back with her, but he hasn't said he doesn't want to. I have tried to leave him for good so many times, but every time he comes back and each time i think that it might be for good. Everytime he ends up with someone else. He texted me the other night, saying how sorry he was to mess me about, and that he does care for me and doesn't want to loose me. if that is true then i think , why doesn't he want to be with me. he is in the army, and reckons now that he doesn't want a girlfriend where he is from, because he is away from home sometimes for a long time. he wanted to text me tomorrow and say what is happening, at first i thought even if he didn't bother not to worry because he isn't going to give me what i want. but he always comes back, and i am not strong enough to tell him to leave me alone. i suppose i will just have to wait, and keep telling myself i am not a hure and if he wants me then he has to be my bf. if he really wants me then he will come, i guess...

I guess you have the bite the bullet and as they say tell him it's all or nothing. He sounds like he wants you, but then wants to hurt you too which I can't understand unless you do something that makes him feel insecure which is why he goes off with other people - maybe your not making him feel that complete even though you think you are. I would spell it out to him that he has to choose. Either full time with you or nothing and that is the only way you'll know. I always come right out with what I am thinking with blokes and sometimes it does me a favour. I last about a day wondering about them and couldn't take the mental torture of not knowing for days. This bloke I've just started seeing has just asked for space, even though he said 'your the girl I've waited all my life for'. I keep pushing him away though without meaning too doing exactly what I think he'll do and now he has. It's best to be upfront. It's better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all. If he is the one then he is worth fighting for.

[Kelly1]

the thing is, in the past i have fought for him,but it just didn't happen. he still went to this other girl. i have told him that i want a relationship, and he said he wasn't ready for one,(having just come out of the one with his ex), he said he had changed and would treat me better, ok, so he has changed, from what i can see anyway. this time, he didn't go out and meet someone the next day, which has been the case in the past. He knows i feel for him, he knows i want him, and i know that maybe i don't mean anything to him, he has prooved me wrong in the past, but then he says he might go back to her, i don't know, i know if i don't get in touch and he does, i might lose his friendship. should i just wait and see what happens and not call or text him if he doesn't first?

[jakki2903]

the thing is, in the past i have fought for him,but it just didn't happen. he still went to this other girl. i have told him that i want a relationship, and he said he wasn't ready for one,(having just come out of the one with his ex), he said he had changed and would treat me better, ok, so he has changed, from what i can see anyway. this time, he didn't go out and meet someone the next day, which has been the case in the past. He knows i feel for him, he knows i want him, and i know that maybe i don't mean anything to him, he has prooved me wrong in the past, but then he says he might go back to her, i don't know, i know if i don't get in touch and he does, i might lose his friendship. should i just wait and see what happens and not call or text him if he doesn't first?

Kelly if I'm honest I think you deserve a million times better. I know you think he could be the one, but seriously, do you really wanna keep waiting and getting hurt whilst he figures out when he is 'ready' and if he wasn't ready before why did he go out with the seven month girl? If I was you I would cut my losses. You speak about a friendship but is this the kind of friendship you want?

[cbee]

Hell, third time lucky, maybe!!!!

Anyway, very quickly because I'm tired.

1. I agree with jakki I think he's just using you
2. having had a five year relationship with an army guy I wouldn't ever read anything into having sex with an army guy - it doesn't mean all that much to them
3. I would take advantage of the time that he's away & non-contactable to find someone who likes you for you and isn't playing these games.

[BeLoved0429]

I know how hard it is to try to put someone behind and forget them when all you seem to be thinking about is that one person... its hard as hell. And for some damn reason this is not a short process, so you'll feel as if you will never get over that person- but your just healing and eventually- you'll be fine, maybe even better.

I think its a good thing for you that he is going away, it'll give you that time to yourself to find what you really want, OR DONT WANT. Personally, I dont think hes worth it... hanging on to someone who doesnt even know what it is they want- will just bring you more heartache...

[abercromqt20]

do not i repeat do not text the boy. if u must talk to him about it do it in a more grown up way. dont take care of relationship issues in text messages. they are extremely impersonal and immature. althought the thought may be easy its just not the best way to go aobut things. on another note i totally 100 percent understand what u are going through. b/c i am in a similar situation right now. find peace in that the man is being honest with u, so u can either wait for him to come to u or u can search him out and ask him for an answer. either way start away from the text messages.

[Jenrick285]

I myself would wait and see what they would do. The ball is in their court and you should see what he wants. Perhaps these folks are right and he's using you as a security blanket or perhaps he's just really confused, hard to say. But if you're ready for a relationship and he's still in la la land, perhaps it is indeed time move on and spend your time on someone who does appreciate you.

My two shillings.
=)

[Kelly1]

ok, so he was supposed to see her on saturday and tell me what was going on, i haven't heard from him. i have very mixed feelings, one minute i really want to know whats going on, the next i am like, it might just hurt too much to hear that they are back together, we haven't argued, as far as i a am informed, nothing has changed, if he doesn't get back to me, then it's his tuff luck, he is supposed to be home this weeekend, i suppose i will bump into him somewhere, i wonder what his response will be. i can't believe he doesn't even have the balls to tell me what is going on, i suppose that means they are back together. i don't think he really knows what is going on in his head, i can't get round it anyway...

[Kelly1]

ok, so i texted him, i know i should have left it, but i needed to know, i textedt him, just how are youm and he texted beack that he wantedt to text me and he was just askiung if i was ok and that, and then i asked him what was goign on and he said they were not back together but he reckons they will be soon, so i really had enough, he reckons when they are together and she doesn't come home with him that then we could still see each other and that, i don't know if i can do that, so i told him that i had also met someone and that, well the coward didn't even answer me qafter that, so i guess he is jealous or something,

[jakki2903]

ok, so i texted him, i know i should have left it, but i needed to know, i textedt him, just how are youm and he texted beack that he wantedt to text me and he was just askiung if i was ok and that, and then i asked him what was goign on and he said they were not back together but he reckons they will be soon, so i really had enough, he reckons when they are together and she doesn't come home with him that then we could still see each other and that, i don't know if i can do that, so i told him that i had also met someone and that, well the coward didn't even answer me qafter that, so i guess he is jealous or something,

Kelly, I think he isn't worth it. Do you seriously wanna consider being his bit on the side, because that seems to be all he is offering? I know how hard it is not to text someone, and I would have done the same thing, I would just need to know. I think you should make the meeting someone else true and find someone who will treat you right. Do you feel like crap all the time??

[Rach]

Kelly, as much as you think you love/like him right now, he is soooo not worth your time. He is using you when he has no one else to fill up the "down time". You deserve so much better! Trust me on that, he's is not "the one" if he treats you like that. While he's away, you should go out and try to find someone, meet new people,keep your mind off him, forget about him.

[Kelly1]

hi guys,

well the truth is that i have met someone else, i didn't just tell him that for the sake of it. The thing is i have NEVER told him about any other guys before, he was always telling me he had met someone else and i was always the one to be pushed away, but some feeling i had told me to just tell him and see what he would say, i didn't want to make him jealous or anything, i just wanted him to know, and he didn't even write back straight away, he did in the middle of the night, he just said when we both had time we shoould talk. that was it, i know he cares about me, and i know i care a billion times more about him than he does about me, i just don't want to lose him as a friend or anything else. i know i am worth better, but just at this moment he is all i really want, i guess time will tell....