Originally Posted by
jjv3189
It's a long story..but more details = better advice? I'm a 20 year old female and I met my "ex" at work about 4 months ago..I know what you're thinking, please spare me the lecture of "at- work relationships" . When I started talking to him I thought he was in his early thirties, judging by appearance..but later found out he was 41 about to turn 42, I didn't want to just stop talking to him because of his age, I really liked him. We started talking on the phone and texting a lot, and hanging out outside of work. He's funny, attractive, we have similar hobbies, music and movie interests, ect..basically, we have chemistry.
After about 2 months, I found myself falling for him..hard. I opened up to him. I let him into my heart. I lost my virginity to him. I've never felt this way before, so I think I can say I am in love with him. Then I started picking up on subtle hints...Usually after we got out of work for the night, the phone calls and texting would slow down a lot, then eventually stop. We couldn't spend a lot of time together outside of work because he told me that he lived with his sister, and he needed to babysit for her because she worked nights. It seemed like he felt horrible for not being able to spend more time with me, and he felt like he had an obligation to be there for his sister. We had several conversations about this in person and usually he'd get emotional. Then he told me that his sister's oldest son would be moving back in with her in about a month, and after that he'd be free to come and go as he pleased. I wasn't satisfied with this but I cared for him so much that I wanted to wait it out.
Time kept passing, I kept noticing more and more sneaky behavior and red flags, but I refused to actually believe there was another woman, until a few days ago. I received a voice mail from a woman asking me how I knew him. I couldn't call her back because the number was restricted..but my heart dropped. I started crying..I didn't know what to think or do..I went to our job, I was off that day but he was working..I couldn't just sit around thinking about it, I had to confront him. We went to a room where we could be alone and confronted him about it, he came clean.
He already had a girlfriend..he said he'd been seeing her off and on for about 4 years, and was trying to break up with her. Trying???? I didn't understand that. I told him that he couldn't do this, I was so hurt but at the same time I cared for him so much so I gave him the chance to choose what he wanted. He said he wanted me. I wasn't going to believe him so I asked him for her number and he gave it to me. I called and he told me that he's done this before to her, and he'll come right back to her. She went on to tell me all the lines he uses on girls and plans he makes with them, and he'd used most of them on me. I was devastated. I told her she didn't have to worry about me anymore, that she could have him.
He seemed very remorseful and kept trying to convince me that he was done with her. I had my doubts so I made him call her and tell her he was leaving. He did. Right in front of me, and it was on speakerphone. He told her he was done. I felt a sense of relief but I was still in pain..Then she called me again, she asked me if I was okay, and I asked her why she kept taking him back, she never gave me a straight answer but did confess to cheating on him too. She also said that he was going back to her, and that she just spoke with him on the phone and everything was okay between them. I knew this was a lie because little did she know I was standing next to him during their conversation in which he broke up with her! I just played along with her and didn't argue the fact, but he was heated. He called her again and this time let her know that I was with him and he was choosing me. She started cussing at him and they fought back and fourth and I didn't catch it all but I did hear her say she'd come to our workplace and make sure he didn't have a job when she was done..then he had it on speakerphone again and we were all going in circles with each other, I couldn't take it anymore so finally told him to just tell us, both of us, what he wants, because this was a big waste of time. I was expecting him to tell her he was staying with me and that I'd be relieved again. He said "I've been with her for 4 years, I gotta go back."
I was shocked. I felt broken. I left , saying nothing.Why did he do that? Why would he give me her number in the first place, why would he break up with her on the phone in front of me, why would he feel remorse for what he did to me, why go through all of that just to leave me in the end? I spent most of the next day crying. When i finally spoke to him again..i asked him why he did this to me. He told me that I said she could have him, and he didnt think I wanted him. I told him I just said that out of pain and anger..then he said he had no choice. And asked me to give him time. Yes, you're reading that right..he asked me to wait for him to break up with his girlfriend for us to be together again. Why does that take time ? Why can't he just tell her he doesn't want to be with her, he's unhappy, and just leave !?
I'm in so much pain right now, all I do is sit around waiting for him to show up at my door and apologize and beg me to take him back. Instead, he keeps telling me to wait. Does he care about me at all? Does he realize how much pain I'm in ? I don't know what to do anymore. I go from extreme sadness and wanting to die, blaming myself for not being good enough for him to choose instead of her, being extremely angry with him, and just ignoring him. I think those are all of my methods of trying to get him back. I've never been so happy as he made me when we were together, and now I feel so blank. I'd appreciate any opinions on what is really going on here, or what I should do.