What does this mean?

**melm** · 26-05-09, 08:54 PM

Hi, I have been with my husband for 6 years in total and we've been married for 3 years. We are both in our late 20's and I live with him now. We are from different countries originally and I havent been back home for 6 years.

I still have a crush on a guy I used to go to university with. We both liked eachother but we never had a relationship. I have thought about the guy ever since. All my friends and family know about the guy...and they laugh because they think its a joke and that I have forgotten him.

I am not sick or obsessed or anything nor do I get in contact with the guy...he doesn't even know I still like him. I have seen some pictures of him a few times recently because we have some of the same friends. I love my husband and they are both handsome men. We never even went on a date or kissed...How can I possibly still think about this guy after so many years?

What could this mean and how do I deal with it?

**Ashbee** · 26-05-09, 11:59 PM

Its probably just lust. Youl always wonder what your life would be like if you were with this guy... but is that feeling strong enough to leave your husband over? If not... forget about it! If you are truely inlove with the "other guy" you must end it with your husband because its not fair on him.

**TheTooya** · 27-05-09, 12:15 AM

[url]http://www.xkcd.com/584/[/url]

**Gigabitch** · 27-05-09, 01:14 AM

It means you're dissatisfied with your relationship and looking outside for something you should be getting from your husband.

It also means, to me, that you had no business getting married when you had someone else in your heart. Do you feel guilty about this?

**melm** · 27-05-09, 01:57 AM

Yes, it could be lust but its lasted for more than 6 years, which is strange.

When I married my husband I loved him and I still do. I have to wonder if we were all in the same country, what would happen.

I just dont think its normal to think about someone for so long if we didnt even have a relationship.

**melm** · 27-05-09, 02:00 AM

Also, if I was only dissatisfied with my husband, wouldn't I think about different men that I liked? Why do I only think about this one guy?

**melm** · 28-05-09, 03:23 AM

thanks for the advice

**vashti** · 28-05-09, 03:41 AM

After 6 years, I don't think it is unusual to remember old crushes fondly. Just keep in mind your crush is only fantasy, and don't do anything dumb like try to contact him.

**Gigabitch** · 28-05-09, 04:48 AM

Originally Posted by melm

Also, if I was only dissatisfied with my husband, wouldn't I think about different men that I liked? Why do I only think about this one guy?

Not if he seemed to embody exactly what is is you are missing.

I had a crush, a big one, on a guy for four years while I was married to my ex. As soon as I got divorced, the crush went away. The guy I had the crush on was just about the polar opposite of my ex-husband. I really believe it's not even about the other guy so much as it is about you and what you need.

**melm** · 28-05-09, 06:28 PM

Originally Posted by Gigabitch

Not if he seemed to embody exactly what is is you are missing.

I had a crush, a big one, on a guy for four years while I was married to my ex. As soon as I got divorced, the crush went away. The guy I had the crush on was just about the polar opposite of my ex-husband. I really believe it's not even about the other guy so much as it is about you and what you need.

That could be a reason as well....but I liked the guy years before I met my husband, so I dont think I would stop liking him if I get a divorce.

**Yggdrasil** · 28-05-09, 07:11 PM

Two words: emotional immaturity.

**lesa** · 28-05-09, 08:21 PM

Originally Posted by melm

....but I liked the guy years before I met my husband, so I dont think I would stop liking him if I get a divorce.

Interesting.

**melm** · 28-05-09, 11:44 PM

Originally Posted by Yggdrasil

Two words: emotional immaturity.

please explain?

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