sooo confused and need advice....

[cbee]

Two things:

well the truth is that i have met someone else, i didn't just tell him that for the sake of it.

if you've found someone else & they're serious about you, don't you think you at least owe them enough that you don't do the same to them as this guy is doing to you?

he was always telling me he had met someone else and i was always the one to be pushed away

How many times has he done this?
To me this suggests that either:
a) he doesn't really care about you
b) he wants to know someone cares about him & just wants to make you feel jealous.

either way do you want to be with someone like that?

Finally, you say that you think you're worth so much more. It seems to me like your heart and head are split, your head is saying go, don't take anymore c**p and your heart is saying "but I love him".

My advice would be to go with your head because in the long run he'll only mess you around like this even more & how many times does he have to dissolve your self-esteem before you salvage some of your pride?

I read somewhere that "pride is a cold bed fellow but it's better than nothing". Take your pride and run.

[Kelly1]

how many times has he pushed me away? i would say i stopped counting after 3 times... in the beginning it was just a bed relationship...but it has somehow become a bit more, but still not enough. In the past, he would say he had someone else, then i would find out there was no one else, and he would come crawling back, i dind't ever know whether he wanted me to fight for him even more, but how much more can i make him realise that i want him? i have told, i have showed him, i can't force him, i don't know what he wants me to do, it seems to me he likes the drama around him, he likes me saying i like him and he likes saying he has someone else, to show me that i can't have him, i don't know, it is so stupid, and then he can make me mad at him, and i think he does it on purpose, and then we don't speak until HE comes back. then things are back to normal, and then the cycle happens AGAIN. he has always said he will always come back, he reckons i have something no other girl has, so why doesn't he ever want me as his official girlfriend. When i told him i had met someone i even felt the smack in his face, it was a good feeling not letting him have the control, now he knows someone else may want me, i sensed he didn't like it. WIth this other guy, i like him, but i am just so scared to get into a serious relationship after all these years i have just had this relationship with this other guy. I mean this new guy he is nice, and he reckons he has the same insecure problems i do, i don't want to rush into anything though. of course he deserves a chance, i want to give him one, i am just so scared what will happen, i don't want to hurt anyone and i don't want to get hurt, i always thought if i stayed out if relationships then those things would never happen!

[cbee]

people always get hurt no matter what. Just bite the bullet. Yes, he'll be hurt & you'll hurt too but can you honestly say you aren't hurting at the moment?

Distance yourself from this army guy. Say you don't want to speak to him at the moment and if that ever changes you will get in touch (i.e. no contact). If you aren't speaking he can't mess you around right! Which, you know, and I know is what he's doing. You honestly can't let him do this to you.

I was in such a similar situation until about 2 years ago when he committed to me. I regret it so much now though because it set the whole tone of our relationship - he had the upper hand the whole time. Looking back I wish I had called it quits. So that is my advice to you, especially if you want to give the other guy a chance.

Best of luck, keep us posted.

[Kelly1]

thanks, i hope i can tell you some good news soon!

[Kelly1]

ok guys, so i was so played by this guy, i met an old girlfriend of his at the weekend, he doesn't know we know each other, and she told me she was with him a week ago, and i was with him the week before, we both couldn't believe it, he totally lied to me and played me, what an ass, we both wrote him a text at the same time and then he wrote back to me and i told him we knew and he is an ass and he doens't even care who he hurts and he will never change, his reply was i should calm down and he hopes i am having fun with my new guy. i feel like i have been dragged on a dirty floor with my hair, thats the picture i have of me in my head, it was different when i thought there COULD have been other girls, but to actually get told that someone i know was with him a week after, in the same bed and everything just totallt digusts me, and he doesn't even care.

[Kelly1]

ok, he reckons he cares, he has been texting me this morning, he reckons he is sorry, and he keeps saying he cares about me and didn't want to hurt me, but he says he was single and could pretty much do what he likes, he don't get that i feel dirty and used.

[jakki2903]

ok, he reckons he cares, he has been texting me this morning, he reckons he is sorry, and he keeps saying he cares about me and didn't want to hurt me, but he says he was single and could pretty much do what he likes, he don't get that i feel dirty and used.

Kelly, this is gonna sound harsh. But what do you seriously expect if you are not committed to each other. If you were just seeing him then he and you both have the right to see other people - that means sleeping with other people. Us girls would never dream of hopping from one bed to another but men do and we have to face the facts. I would forget his texts etc. And if u call him a friend I would hate to know what your enemy is. Tell him to pi55 off. You are way worth much more then this. Are you not happy with the bloke your seeing?

[Kelly1]

i am not in any kind of relationship at the moment, with this new bloke, i have only just got to know him, he phones but we don't have much time to meet again, as he is also a soldier (i seem to attract them) and i have to work too. but we will meet again soon, and we do like each other. yeah, sure he can do whatever he likes we were not together, but he did say he had changed and wouldn't sleep with other girls for my sake, but he still did it, and he lied to me about being home that weekend. i don't really need him as a friend, but in about 10 minutes i will probably want him as a friend, as i am sooo screwed up at the moment.

[cbee]

Hey,

Sorry I've been away & have only just started trying to catch up. I'm confused who played away - the new guy, the old guy or both.

Only thing I can say is being in a relationship with a forces person requires a phenomenal amount of trust. I wouldn't have a relationship with anyone in the forces who lied to me about anything as major as that. What's to say he won't lie again?

[kanzaki]

actually, even now u say that he is the only thing u want, time will change everything. It's just ur heart telling u so, sometimes, following the heart will lead u to a wrong way. Believe me as this i learn from experience. Give it a try, if he does not want to commit, u just have to let go. There is nothing u can do when a guy changed his heart. If u dun let go, he will end up hating u instead.

Let time pass and see what you feel at that time, maybe you will feel better. I took longer than enough until my current boyfriend sppeared (now v are engaged)

If u 2 are really ment to be with each other or he really loves u, u will c him calling u sooner or later. If in his heart u do not exist, then no matter what u do, things will never work out