What do I want?

[usnavymatt14]

Ok, I'm about to give the cliffs notes version of my problem.

I'm in a relationship with my current partner of give or take two years. We broke up about 1 year ago, but got back together about 6 months ago. We broke up because, I feel, that we have some issues with the fundamental relationship aspects. Communication isn't bad, and we truly, deeply love each other. But, the fact is, love isn't enough. I don't feel that we will work out. Many of our old issues are starting to come back up. Those same issues that caused us to split last year.

So, now, here I am. Major decisions are needing to be made about our future. We are coming to a fork in our future that could lead us in two different, completely different, directions.

Ok, the problem. I am in love with my partner right now. I love them deeply. I do not want to be away from them. But, old feelings that I thought were gone are barreling back down on me. Old feelings for an old flame. I thought that the feelings were done for good back in October, but they are back. I've been fighting these for a year now. The old flame is a loving, wonderful person. They give me SO much that I want in life and in a relationship. I feel that I am growing while I am with them. With my current relationship, we have some of the most fun times together. They make me laugh every day. And humor is an important factor in every relationship. But does that seem enough? I just don't know what to do. The old flame isn't even a definite thing anymore.

So, do I leave the person that I am in love with, have a great time with, could see a future with... do I leave them for another person I am in love with, who completes my soul, gives me so much spiritual, sexual, emotional satisfaction? One issue is I am not sure about a future with this person.

For some people it might seem like an easy decision, but not for me. Oh, and how do you guys feel about age differences? Is.... 25 years too much? My current relationship, there's only a 2 year difference. My old flame, about 25 years.

Matt

[alovehangoverr]

How old is everyone involved here then?

Honestly.. you're not doing your current partner any favors by sticking around when you have feelings for someone else. Just because there's the safety net of a future isn't really reason enough to stay.. and like you've said, there are old issues coming up again and you don't feel you'll last.

[usnavymatt14]

I am in my early 20s. My partner is in their early to mid 20s. The old flame is in their mid 40s.

[Doc Durian]

Have you considered how you'll feel about your old flame in 20 years? ...when your age is her current age, and she's hit retirement age?

The ideal of love is supposed to transcend time and age... but revisit that ideal when you're as randy as a goat, and in the prime of your life while she's beginning to slow down and seek the fruits of a long life lived.

I've done older before, quite a few times... one of them produced a child of ours.

Children are great... but if I could have gone back and whispered into my own youthful ear... I would have been the only person I would have listened to.

Consider

[Yggdrasil]

Remember you and your 'old flame' split up for a reason? Some people never learn. When it's over.. IT'S OVER.

When it comes to a future.. nobody has a clue what the future will bring. It's called taking a risk.

You feel like you have issues in your current relation? Work the issues, don't run away from them.

Make a choice, stick with it. That's called commitment.

Or keep on acting and behaving like an immature teenager.

Your life, your choice, your drama.

[usnavymatt14]

Remember you and your 'old flame' split up for a reason? Some people never learn. When it's over.. IT'S OVER.

When it comes to a future.. nobody has a clue what the future will bring. It's called taking a risk.

You feel like you have issues in your current relation? Work the issues, don't run away from them.

Make a choice, stick with it. That's called commitment.

Or keep on acting and behaving like an immature teenager.

Your life, your choice, your drama.

First off, is it necessary to be so angry... or "immature" yourself with the name calling?

I don't mean to be slightly melodramatic, but these are people's lives here. There is a point in my life coming up where I am going to have to make a choice and people are going to be moving forward with school, a career, etc. So, no, I disagree with you about acting like an immature teenager.

And if you don't have real, constructive input, don't bother commenting. Thanks.

But thank you for reminding me the true nature of these forums. I tend to forget that this is the internet. People can act any way they please.

[Yggdrasil]

First off, is it necessary to be so angry... or "immature" yourself with the name calling?

I don't mean to be slightly melodramatic, but these are people's lives here. There is a point in my life coming up where I am going to have to make a choice and people are going to be moving forward with school, a career, etc. So, no, I disagree with you about acting like an immature teenager.

And if you don't have real, constructive input, don't bother commenting. Thanks.

But thank you for reminding me the true nature of these forums. I tend to forget that this is the internet. People can act any way they please.

Oh, did I hit a nerve? Why so defensive?

I'm not angry, I am blunt. Not my problem if the two are being confused.

I can't help if if I am not telling you what want you want to hear right? Nor am I going to make the choice for you.

Immature isn't name name calling btw. Not being able to chose between two people you "love" (note the quotes) is emotional immaturity. Simple as that.

Also, why did you become involved with a woman twice your age? Are you looking to compensate for something you missed in your life, like.. a mother? I have plenty of questions there for you, questions, you should ask yourself.

Questions such as: what do you want in life, where do you see yourself 10, 15, 20, 30 years from now, what do you want from a relation with someone, and mostly, how are you going to improve yourself as a human being, do you really love either of these two women or are you simply addicted to being in a relation? I can go on for hours like this, but I think you get the gist.

Regardless of what you may think, my input was and is very constructive regardless of what you wanted to hear, but there's a big difference between what you want to hear and what you NEED to be told.

If constructive criticism is mistaken for something else, you still have a long way to go in my opinion.