My breakup story and a warning to couples

[therunningman86]

Hi guys,

This is my first post on here and i'd like to talk about my story to you.

I met my gf at university and from that moment we fell in love. We were unseperable from the start and we loved each other.

I helped her alot as she was low on confidence at that point. She depended on me quite alot.

We were using condoms quite alot and we both decided it was best to use a better form of protection. She had the implant in her arm and we didn't need to worry about condoms anymore, it worked great.

I finished uni, started a job and she started university near to me. It was when she started her 2nd year of uni that her periods stopped altogether and her personality changed. she became alot colder and less affectionate towards me and other people. She would be more snappier and would often give one word answers like "o.k" or "thats fine". it was asthough she didnt care anymore.

it was around 2 months into her 2nd year that she thought about breaking up with me, she said she felt trapped and was scared about being with the same person all her life. she was 19 and wanted to have a fun.

She didnt go through with it in the end as we talked things over and deep down she said she really loved me and wanted to be with me.

It was also at this point that her sex drive decreased and became non-existent. we couldnt have sex because it hurt her too much and she didnt feel like it or in the mood. Also, i was under constant stress everyday thinking about the fact that she was not happy, this led my sex drive to decrease

So as you can see, this is not a good mixture and it went on for ages. She was continually cold hearted and didnt care about anything. It was also in her 2nd year that she went out with friends from uni alot more and became more confident. I thought this was great for her but she ended up being very cocky about it and putting it in my face which was sad.

She ended up being less dependant on me and because she thought there was no spark there she dumped me.

She initially called me over and wanted to go on a break, it was at this point when she started to get really upset telling me she loved me and she was really confused. So we decided to go on a break until she finished (would have lasted 2 months).

i text her about a week or 2 later and she said she likes being single, without commitments etc so she wouldnt want to get back to me. she said she was too young to feel trapped. this really hurt me.

I have read up on this implant contraception and it seems to me like it changed her and that led to her feeling trapped because she couldnt feel any love between us anymore, when in fact, i was trying as hard as i could but it was her.

If i've got any advice to give to anyone on here it's DONT get this implant. It it a very affective way of stopping pregnancies but it will more than likely ruin your relationship as it will change the girl.

Anyway thats my story, would be good to hear other peoples views on this.

Thanks

[Yggdrasil]

We were unseperable from the start and we loved each other.

Spending to much time together, moving to fast.

I helped her alot as she was low on confidence at that point. She depended on me quite alot.

Low self esteem and co-dependence. You were used to fill an emotional void.

She didnt go through with it in the end as we talked things over and deep down she said she really loved me and wanted to be with me.

No she didn't or she still would be with you.

It was also at this point that her sex drive decreased and became non-existent. we couldnt have sex because it hurt her too much and she didnt feel like it or in the mood.

She wasn't attracted to you anymore.

She ended up being less dependant on me and because she thought there was no spark there she dumped me.

She didn't need you anymore. She found other ways to fill her emotional void.

She initially called me over and wanted to go on a break, it was at this point when she started to get really upset telling me she loved me and she was really confused.

The 'nice' way of saying: it's over.

i text her about a week or 2 later and she said she likes being single, without commitments etc so she wouldnt want to get back to me. she said she was too young to feel trapped. this really hurt me.

Of course, what did you expect?

This has nothing to do with the contraceptive. Let this be a lesson for you not go hook up with insecure, emotionaly immature, (co-)dependent people.

[therunningman86]

Well I do agree with you that she used me but I am quite serious about the implant contraceptive. As soon as she stopped her periods completely she changed and I have read up on this and it is a common thing.

I wish i could show you the link but it wont let me.

I know in my heart that if she had never had this contraception then we would have been fine. It changed her personality and she automatically thought it was us that was not working when in fact it was her.

If you read that link you will see the problems people have with this exact contraception. It changes people and relationships suffer because of it.

She told me she felt like she changed and she felt dead inside about everything. She was confused about everything she told me she wasnt sure what she wanted with uni, relationships etc.

[Yggdrasil]

I agree hormons from contraceptives can change someones moods.

I am pointing out that your relation with her was doomed before it even started and the contraceptives had little to do with it, except maybe for speeding up the unavoidable split up.

[therunningman86]

Well yes and no really it is hard to say.

She was 19 and i was 23, it is understandable that she felt trapped because she is too young to be in that kind of relationship.

For a long time she kept telling me how much she loved me and that she wanted to be with me forever. We even went on holiday together this time last year and had a great time. We were in love.

But because she changed and turned into a cold person she attributed those changes to us and didnt really know what was going on.

So in hindsight i believe if she didnt have that implant, our relationship would be fine and we would still be in love.

But yes perhaps it was doomed because she depended on me alot. But that did change after a while and i helped her alot to overcome that.

I appreciate your advice by the way. It is the basics of this problem that I need to look at, not something like contraception which "could" have caused it. It is like anything in life, it has to be almost perfect without any flaws to truly work. Even though It doesnt seem like there were any, i think now there probably were. Especially because of the distance involved. I think that was a major factor to.

Thanks

[Yggdrasil]

It is the basics of this problem that I need to look at, not something like contraception which "could" have caused it. It is like anything in life, it has to be almost perfect without any flaws to truly work. Even though It doesnt seem like there were any, i think now there probably were. Especially because of the distance involved. I think that was a major factor to.

Now you're starting to see. Oh, and don't aim for 'perfection'. It's impossible. Just don't start something that has a high possibility of failure. All the rest is 50/50. Just keep your eyes open next time and be a tad more carefull.

[IndiReloaded]

There is no evidence that supports your breakup as caused by the contraceptive.

Based on your age & timing and your prior relationship, I would say you just grew apart. Extremely common at your age. Don't beat yourself up over it & don't make the explanation more complicated than it need be.

There's someone out there for you. Go out & find her.

[therunningman86]

Thank you for your replies and help.

It is easy to blame a problem on something. I do maintain that she changed because of the implant contraception but do agree that it was inevitable that we were going to split up. I have to accept that because I have to move on from this, even though i'm still thinking about it 3 months on.

I think it is a common thing to happen with people of my age because we are so young, we are still growing and realising what we want, discovering new things all the time and thus changing.

Prior to this relationship I never in my dreams thought I would love someone and be with someone who cared about me for almost 3 years. I am proud of my achievements and have to put this into perspective.

What really hurts is the rejection and thinking about her with someone else. I guess this is natural for humans to feel like this. It's like if you have a car that you really like and you've been driving it for along time, then you see someone else driving that same car, enjoying it like you used to. It's hard and when we split up, all i could think about was this person because ofcourse, i have been with her for such a long time, it just takes time to heal and adjust.

So as I was saying before, I should be, and am proud of what i have achieved, i wont get myself down about it because i have grown as a person. I will learn from it and will be better come next time

I also believe it is good to have a social group/friends to have close to you. I am going to join a football team this month and I believe this will help me alot.

Thanks

[wotyty]

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