When Friendship ends

[lovesjoyajm]

Lovejoy is sticking her nose into things she doesn't even understand. Which is the funny part. Like I said, I was just trying to avoid embarrassing her in the general forum.

Is this your quick wit in disguise?

Sorry for derailing your thread, Roller.

LJA is 10-7 for the evening. Out.

[Rollerderby]

CB is stating his opinion and I happen to agree. Shrug.

Derby, you have problems acknowledging your ownership in these things (re: your thread). We have all pretty much told you this, some nicer than others, but there it is regardless. Good luck.

That stinks, Derby. You were trying to do good and got dumped on for it. Sorry that happened to you. Give it a few days for the emotions to calm down. If this destroys your friendship after all these years, you won't be losing much.

It will all be okay, tho. You'll see.

These two quotes seem a little contradictory, but then again you yourself stated that you got an average score on your EQ. I imagine Charlieboy would tank.

Please, also flip to page three, post number 42. I have already acknowledged everything. I think it's really hilarious how people keep saying I haven't. But anyway, I'm out of this thread, if you guys want to fight about other shit, go right ahead.

[Rollerderby]

[url]http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=internet+drama[/url]

[Rollerderby]

This one is more for online gamers, but I think it applies here. There is a quote from this link below.


[url]http://wadewilson.livejournal.com/11285.html[/url]


"How do you combat the dreaded scourge of Internet Drama?

If you wish to stop misunderstandings, misconceptions and miscommunications from festering until they explode into Internet Drama, which no one intelligent enjoys, it is important to remember The 3 Ps.

P1.) Perspective.

Perspective, as used here, is defined as the choice of a context or a reference from which to sense, categorize, measure or codify experience. In other words, the filter through which you will view a person, place, thing, idea or event.

Many users of the internets tend to make the mistake of viewing each particular questionable incidence within the series of tubes through only one perspective - their own initial perspective. If left unchecked and unmitigated, this initial perspective, if negative, can build upon itself until it becomes a full-blown irrational response.

Most children's television and common sense will tell you to consider more than that - the perspectives of the other people involved. You may feel wronged, but they may feel just as wronged, or may just perhaps be unaware that you would feel wronged by something they did.

And so on.

These are important to take note of, these other perspectives on what has galled you. However, the perspective I speak of is a grander scheme."

[Rollerderby]

Oh, here is a quote that links directly from what we have discussed here. This is from the link above.



"P2.) Passive Aggression (Don't Do It)

Passive aggression, as defined here, is the highly annoying and frustrating tactic of saying the opposite of what you mean in order to keep discussions peaceful and not appearing to be a troublemaker or to cause conflict, but implying heavily what you really mean through dissembling, indirect speech and the spreading of guilt to others for having opinions that differ from yours. This isn't necessarily a conscious behavior, as those exhibiting it may honestly be trying to keep the peace rather than being deceptive, but one must be on guard for this.

At least three quarters of every tube within the Internets is stuffed full of passive aggressive people, because the Internets allow the aggression of interacting with people while also necessitating the passivity of not having to look at or hear the people you are interacting with. People who spend a lot of time on the Internets are, in a general sense, not good at and don't entirely grasp the workings of interpersonal relationships. It helps to remember this, and respond accordingly when confronted with these situations.

Honesty and flexibility are required to combat this problem. You have to be able to be honest without being a self-righteous dick about it. It may rankle one's sense of justice, but there's a difference between coddling someone and just being polite and disarming. Couching your statements in language that indicates you're not being insulting or goading goes a long way towards keeping emotions at an even keel. Sometimes it's a subtle thing, other times, it's obvious."

Which would you rather see in response to something you've written?

"Sorry, let me clarify, I actually meant that I find melted cheese to be a delicious substitute for personal lubricants."

or

"You misunderstand. I clearly meant that melted cheese is great lube, but you've misconstrued what I said."

Both statements saying the same thing, but the former is not assigning blame or being condescending, and is a polite way to defuse a potential annoyance while furthering a calm debate.


"Those exhibiting passive-aggressive behavior have trouble adhering to this notion, as well as the rule of keeping a proper perspective. If an argumentative and mildly condescending post like the latter example above does manage to get through someone's personal manners-filter, perhaps defensive in tone but clearly on a relatively insignificant and harmless topic, the passive-aggressive person will often overreact to this terrifying threat of confrontation, retreating with over-concession and massive abuse of the smiley emoticon until it reeks of insincerity.

"I'm sorry, you're right. "
"Really, it's okay. Cheese is probably much better than what I was thinking. "
"In fact, maybe I'll go get some cheese Try it out Prove you right Never mind what I said "

This would be the passive part. They will not go get cheese or try it out.

This is followed later by statements like:

"Wow, this cheese is... never mind. No, whatever people want is fine. No, it's just... it's fine. Whatever, it's fine. I mean, I've never used it and won't so I don't really feel like I'm... but whatever, it's fine. I thought we were going to use the other thing, but it's fine. Just tell me what you want me to do. "

Repeated occurrences of this sort of thing have the effect of spreading guilt for disagreeing with the person, while at the same time serving to derail and drag down the cheese lubricant scene until it's no fun for anyone involved, even the people that enjoy cheese, because it can eventually come to feel like pulling teeth to get a solid, unequivocal response. The PA person may feel as though they're being peaceful and mitigating and a good sport, and on the surface, that's what the words mean, but in actuality, it serves to frustrate the people trying to work with them because this is actually the PA person constantly waving the "I AM NOT ENJOYING MYSELF" flag, which tends to destroy fun.

There are ways to have a civil debate without tempers flaring, but it requires honesty - the polite sort of honesty discussed above (as well as perhaps some cooling-off time before the debate, to vent negative emotions). If an honest impasse is reached after such a thing, well, this is where flexibility comes in. Perspective helps to realize any big impasse about a role-playing game on the Internets is really not THAT important to be stubborn about, and being flexible enough to find a workable compromise helps to legitimately keep the peace. It also requires you do not then proceed to start whining, however subtly, about not getting your way. This is key. This is called being an adult. "

[ecojeanne]

LOL derby, that was perfect! now people, you've been told! lol

[misombra]

you must have a lot of time on your hands to be writing out all that stuff.

[Junket]

I just haven't been feeling it lately.