Do I Love Her

[dale_32]

Never romantically loved anyone, not in dozens of relationships short and long, and she didn't seem different. Great girl, head-over-heels at first, but it eventually faded as usual, and I broke up with her. "Just not the one," was the standard excuse I'd been used to giving myself for several years, and it always turned out true. Best to cut it off before things got too entrenched. I moved away a few months (had a fling), came back, she got in touch, we started seeing each other again, was good at first but deteriorated quickly once again. Stories you've all heard before. Then, gradually, as I went off again to live my life and keep searching for exciting new things and the right 'one', the dreams began. She, randomly at first, came up, then all of the time. Mostly bad dreams, ones where she was no longer sweet, or had forgotten me or gotten knocked up or something. For months they didn't stop, I started seeing her everywhere in the corner of my eye throughout my day. Would bring her up in convos with friends without knowing I even had, people kept commenting on it. Found myself doing the things we used to do, going to the places we used to go. Dated several others over several months to get her out of my mind, but they were very temporary distractions. Now I stand ready to move away for good, fulfilling as usual my ambitions for new experiences, and for the first time in my life I feel paralyzed. Is it just loneliness? If so, why has no former relationship led me here? Why her and no one else? This girl is on my mind like every definition of love, at least as much as I've understood love to be, but how can you love someone you've tossed away twice?

[Yggdrasil]

Are the feelings mutual?

You say a lot about you, but you don't say much about her.

[LoveHurts09]

think about how u much u would do for urself and then ask if u would do the same for her? the test for true love is not the fun and excitement but the times that come inbetween.

all i'm saying is if it's anything less then u can find it anywhere, if u want to stop thinking about her u just need to find some1 else.