Do you think we'll last?

**pinkxchoklit** · 05-07-09, 12:42 PM

Okay well, my boyfriend and I are 4 years apart. I'm turning 17 next month, and my boyfriend is turning 21 in October. He's my best friend's older brother (whom I've known his whole family for for 7+ years haha), and yes, our parents know and approve of our relationship.

We've been together for 10 months (as of tomorrow).

The thing is, I have this one guy friend who constantly tells me "all guys lie", "it's sad but it's true, you guys are very unlikely to last", "from my opinion i don't think you guys will be together forever even if you really want it" &etc. This is really boosting down my confidence in this relationship. My boyfriend has said many things to me before, many sweet things about our relationship and the future, obviously making me believe. However, because of my friend, it seems so hopeless.

When he first brought me to meet his friend, he said to me :
"The girl I'm taking you to meet, Vanessa, has been in the same situation as us. She's been with her boyfriend since she was 15 and they've been together for 5 years as of now. I think they're going to marry each other too, I really do. I really hope we're going to be like them."

He has a cousin who saw my facebook and said to him "Your girlfriend seems annoying. I don't like her", and we've never even TALKED or MET before. So he also said to me recently after an argument (because I was ignoring him):
"Look, I really do love you. And to be honest...I told my cousin that I loved you a lot too. I told her that just because you are not her type, it doesn't mean anything because I love you and I am the one who is in this relationship. Then I told her to be honest, I didn't like her boyfriend either, and so what can we do? I really do look at a future with you, I think about us getting married all the time too, but the only time when I cannot think about it is when you get mad at me, because then I imagine what if I come home from work one day and you are there to yell at me? Whenever I do something, I always try to find out if it will improve our relationship first, and whenever I do something that makes you mad, I need you to know that I don't do it on purpose; I'm just thinking of how to make our relationship better. I'm willing to do whatever you'd like if you honestly think it will improve our relationship."
^(I was ignoring him so he held my chin and made me look into his eyes before he said all this, then we held eye contact throughout the whole way)

Things have happened of course, such as 4 months ago, we arranged a day for his best friend (who is a girl) and me to go out together, the three of us, because his bff needed to go shopping for her roommate. I met her once before and she and I got along too. What happened was, my schedule didn't fit hers because I got out of school later than she expected, so in the middle of the day, my boyfriend called me to tell me that he's on the way to the outlet with his bff and I couldn't come along. I felt really ditched and this problem was still brought up even up until last month. Eventually, he said he will just always put me as first from now on, and I'll be first priority no matter what. So far, he's kept his promise.

3 months ago, a girl that he's known since highschool who is EXTREMELY flirty even though she has a boyfriend, inboxed my boyfriend asking him about when he's going to land in his home country to visit his family, so he could visit her too. There was nothing wrong with this, until she called him "sneaky". I completely freaked and confronted my boyfriend about it, where in his defense, he says he never flirted back (which I could see is true), and that this girl's personality is just one who flirts a lot and he cannot do anything about it. Although these things are true, it still bugs me and it made me lose my trust for him.

Whenever I tell him that these are the reasons why I lost my trust for him, and I need him to help me gain it back, he tells me "I just feel like it's very unfair, because I never cheated on you but you don't trust me and you think I DID cheat on you. It makes me wonder why do I have to be the one to 'build up your trust again' when I never did something like cheat on you?"

What do you guys think? Do you think my boyfriend is genuine with his words and that I am just being way too paranoid? :\ He sees my parents every couple days as well because we go out for family dinners, so he's extremely close with my family. And just the other way around, since I've known HIS family for 7 years, his mom really likes me too and tells him "remember, do not hurt her feelings, she's a good girl! You better treat her right". So do our parents relationships help?

**fullorange** · 05-07-09, 01:24 PM

You shouldn't lose your trust in him purely over that conversation when you even believe it yourself that he never played back into it. Also, when you get into an argument, try not to go straight to yelling. Better yet, try not yelling at all

see how much more smoothly things go. Things happen, and you will get angry like the whole "ditching" thing. Just try to stay civil about it. Theres no reason to yell or scream

**pinkxchoklit** · 05-07-09, 02:04 PM

Originally Posted by fullorange

You shouldn't lose your trust in him purely over that conversation when you even believe it yourself that he never played back into it. Also, when you get into an argument, try not to go straight to yelling. Better yet, try not yelling at all

see how much more smoothly things go. Things happen, and you will get angry like the whole "ditching" thing. Just try to stay civil about it. Theres no reason to yell or scream

Thanks(: I try hard to keep calm now. Sometimes we might still raise our voices, but I try as best as I can already. It took a while for me to realize that yelling isn't the best option (I'm obviously new to this haha), but there are times when we both don't look at things the same way: such as how up till today my boyfriend believes he never ditched me, whereas I do. Thanks a lot though!

**fullorange** · 05-07-09, 02:09 PM

Best way to deal with disagreements like the ones you`re talking about is to explain to him in a calm atmosphere why you believe you have been ditched. Present your reasons and just make it so he understands at least where you`re coming from. He may still disagree, thats just him either being stubborn, or you might need to hear him out on why he believes he didn't.

**Lite** · 05-07-09, 03:31 PM

I think you're too ****ing young to worry about whether or not this relationship will be the only one you have for the rest of your life.

You don't know who you are, who you want to be, and you're going to change your mind on that manner 15 times in the next 5 years alone. Which means you may just suddenly find that you and your boyfriend aren't compatible anymore.

Now, the question I have is why is he dating someone who is 4 years younger than he is. Is he that immature, or he just looking for someone he can manipulate easily into being the person he wants them to be, rather than who they are.

17 to 21 is way different than say 31 to 35 in age difference when it comes to maturity, stability, and needing to make very important decisions about your life and future without someone else cluttering your brain with attachments that most likely will not last.

Here's a tip, you're most likely NOT the exception to the rule or all that special when it comes to your relationship. Harsh, sad, and disappointing I know, but that's just how life works.

**pinkxchoklit** · 06-07-09, 02:08 AM

Originally Posted by Lite

I think you're too ****ing young to worry about whether or not this relationship will be the only one you have for the rest of your life.

You don't know who you are, who you want to be, and you're going to change your mind on that manner 15 times in the next 5 years alone. Which means you may just suddenly find that you and your boyfriend aren't compatible anymore.

Now, the question I have is why is he dating someone who is 4 years younger than he is. Is he that immature, or he just looking for someone he can manipulate easily into being the person he wants them to be, rather than who they are.

17 to 21 is way different than say 31 to 35 in age difference when it comes to maturity, stability, and needing to make very important decisions about your life and future without someone else cluttering your brain with attachments that most likely will not last.

Here's a tip, you're most likely NOT the exception to the rule or all that special when it comes to your relationship. Harsh, sad, and disappointing I know, but that's just how life works.

I'm not worrying about whether this will be the ONLY relationship in my life or not- it's about whether we can STAY in this relationship without anything happening. I'm the type of girl who hates getting into and getting out of relationships, purely because I get attached to somebody too fast and then when things go down, I'm the only person hurt in the end. Before my boyfriend, there were tons of guys who I had a chance with, but I hurt all of them because it wasn't until the last minute where I realized "I don't want to get into another relationship". For some reason, my boyfriend was the exception and I have no idea why either.

I've asked him many times before to why he would choose somebody who is 4 years younger than him. The reason why I needed to ask this, is because often times during arguments, he'd point out that I'm immature and I don't understand anything he does. Obviously, I'd take this as an insult and so I'd reply with, "Then why did you choose me? Why did you choose somebody who's 4 years younger than you and somebody who hasn't been thru what you have yet?" His reply was simple, "I liked you, and I'm willing to wait for you to mature. I worry about what might happen because the years between us can change a person dramatically, and I am afraid that you will change dramatically as well."

We both know that there is a very slim chance of us lasting, considering how only 5% of couples in this world have lasted from dating starting back in schooling years. My parents fell under those 5%, as well as his parents, and based on these two, it set up the belief for both of us that we will last-or atleast try to make it last- until my friend constantly pointed out otherwise. And like you said, "most likely NOT the exception", however the most likely will not stop us from trying.

**Thelovedoctor** · 06-07-09, 01:58 PM

Ok, obviously you have a very big trust issue, and any little thing just sets you off on a "I don't trust you" stink, so obviously if something happens to break this relationship up, it's most likely going to be your fault with your trust issue.

obviously, this guy hasn't given you a reason to not trust him, but you're 17, you have a vivid and wild imagination and more prone to miniture freakouts, so just take it a little bit easier and learn to trust him more, otherwise it won't last.

**IndiReloaded** · 06-07-09, 02:40 PM

Originally Posted by pinkxchoklit

I'm the type of girl who hates getting into and getting out of relationships, purely because I get attached to somebody too fast and then when things go down, I'm the only person hurt in the end.

Doll, at 17 you have no idea what 'type' of girl you are and I doubt you have enough experience to know much about 'getting into and out of relationship(s)'.

Relax, like Lite said. Yes, its unlikely you will get married to this guy. You are both too young, you are neither fully emotionally or personally developed.

I only know *1* couple who were high school sweethearts and are still together after 20 years. This is from a sampling of dozens of couples I have personal experience with.

Just have fun & learn to be the best YOU can be in this relationship. Everything else will follow.