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Thread: ok..really need help on this...

  1. #1
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    ok..really need help on this...

    Ok, so i'm new here,and usually there is some great advice,especially from the few threads that i've read. I'm kinda in need of some advice on this particular women/situation at this time.

    So i'm 28yrs old, never had a girlfriend(i've dated, but no relationship, i am looking) and I have done alot of growing up over the past several years, so i'm now one of those "nice guys" or i'm just like to keep it real. I don't play any games. But i have been gettin messed up over alot of females over the years, so i guess i am a glutton for punishment.

    So anyways, i recently met this young woman, she first contacted me online (imagine that) we began talking after we exchanged numbers, then eventually we got up for a date, went to dinner...it went great. Next thing i know we start dating some more, talkin/texting some more, we kissed on the second date, kissed several times and stuff since then, etc etc. In my mind, things are going great. Of course, we haven't been "intimate" yet, which is fine i guess. she CLAIMS she hasn't done anything in a year! At first i didn't believe that, but now i'm starting to....

    But my question is, we have been seeing each other for 2months. she has said she really likes me, i have said i really like her...we talk all the time, i know she is guarded, but i have been honest with her, and she has to know that i'm not like the rest of the guys out there..(because i'm me!!)

    Anyways, It has only been 2months, and i think if i tell her how i really feel that it may be too soon..or if i try to see if maybe we could start actually dating, that she may hurt me and not feel the same way. How, or IS there a way to tell? I want to have a conversation with her and let her know that i really like her, and I wouldn't mind being in a relationship with her, but I am afraid of coming on too strong, or that she may not feel the same way. Should i wait? or is 2 months too soon? I mean we do things that a couple would do (except the sex) but if we were in a relationship then the sex wouldn't be issue.

    I mean haven't really met any of her friends yet, and she hasn't really met any of mine, although each of our friends know about this. But i wanna make sure we are on the same page, and I was debating whether or not to put it out there or not? To me, it's 2 months, but it feels like it's been 3 or 4. What should i do? without comin off too strong or anything. Should i just wait? I wish everybody could be like, a fly on the wall to really observe..but any advice in this situation would be helpful. Are there any signs i should look for? thanks for all of your help!!

  2. #2
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    If this has been going on for two months and she seriously hasn't done anything in 2 years, then I am pretty sure that she is interested in something serious. Since you have not discussed a relationship she may actually feel like you are not ready. I would definitly talk to her and tell her that you want a serious relationship, but that if she is not ready, you will wait until she is. Tell her how you feel, I think it will work out to your benefit.

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by drmorehe View Post
    But i wanna make sure we are on the same page, and I was debating whether or not to put it out there or not? To me, it's 2 months, but it feels like it's been 3 or 4. What should i do? without comin off too strong or anything. Should i just wait?
    Sorry, mbe I'm tired but what is it exactly you are asking? Put what out there? When to have sex?

    Are you exclusive? Are you actually BF/GF? Sounds to me like you are barely into the dating phase. I wouldn't wait for her to bring it up, but you should definitely start communicating about it to her. Just make sure its relaxed and not desperate-sounding.
    Second thoughts can generally be amended with judicious action; injudicious actions can seldom be recovered with second thoughts.
    --Cyteen by C.J.Cherryh

  4. #4
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    I'd say hint her that you are interested in taking your relation with her to the next level.

    One of the easiest ways of doing that, without comming over to strong is saying something like: "I feel like you and are really clicking, and I wouldn't mind spending more time with you."

    This is short and sweet, it gets the message through and it's not pushy. You're simply stating what's on your mind and leaving the ball in her camp.

    Regardless of her response, after that, you both will know where you are standing.
    Last edited by Yggdrasil; 06-07-09 at 04:42 PM. Reason: typo
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  5. #5
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    BINGO with what Yggdrasil said.

    I think it's pretty obvious that you like each other.

    A while back I came up with this term because I felt like going from the word LIKE to LOVE was waaaaaaay to big of a jump
    You're in the relm of "I'm IN like with her."
    get it? in love, in like.....yeeeaaah.

    You should maybe bring up the idea of hanging out with friends to gauge how the interaction goes, like at a party, or something of that nature (group). See how you two connect when it's not just the both of you. Watch if it all feels natural and then if so go a head and ask like above poster said.

  6. #6
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    Look for the right time and right sentiments to speak your heart out. You've been friends since 2 months and had good time together and it sounds she feels the same. Rather than keeping things confined let them in open. Even though if she is not interested (which stands a very little chance), you will be one sided.

  7. #7
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    yea i definetly don't wanna sound desperate. It is not just about the sex..although we do have conversations and she teases about it over the phone, through late night texts! like wtf? I am just concerned that if i put it out there that i do wanna take it to the next level, that i won't get the response i'm hoping for. Then, after that point, we won't be on the same page, and i wold feel like that i like her more than she likes me. I don't want to continue waiting for somebody to eventually feel the same as I do. But sounds like everybody is leaning more towards just telling her how I feel, but being more suttle about it. Kinda gauging how she feels first.... anyways all of the responses are great! You all sound like experts! write a book or something on this stuff people, all of you!

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