Should I keep trying?

[lostgirl999]

Hey guys,

Here is my problem…

My ex and I split up couple months ago due to one big issue; trust.
We were together almost 4 years but he cheated on me 4 months after we started dating. I lost a lot of trust in him and that didn’t make our relationship go well the whole time because I always have that thought in the back of my head he will never change.

After we broke up, he flew out of state twice to see that girl he cheated with and the second time he was there, they had sex. Then I found out the girl is totally in love with him right now. He talks to her because he said she gives him the attention that I don’t give, and she does those cutesy things. He said the reason he would not date her cause she likes lots of attention from guys in public and she lives in another state. Then he said he trusts me but its sad that I don’t give him the attention that he wants right now. I told him that I am willing to work things out, change the way I look at him and trust him. At the same time, I have stopped doing certain things that he doesn’t like such as going out at night, talking to certain guys but he still talks to her. I feel like I am putting the effort but I am not getting anything back from this or him.

I know I shouldn’t go back but something keeps on pulling me back to him. I feel lost and I don’t know if I should keep on trying or leave it… =(

[tooxshort]

4 years and you couldn't completely trust him?

Yes, you're putting in too much effort for something that isn't destined to end well. If you don't trust him by now, you might never. Plus, you'll have that thought of him sleeping with that other chick the second time around ...

I mean, he did sleep with her and flew out of state ... twice. So, that'll tell you how hung up he is about you ...

[Yggdrasil]

Leave it be, heal from the experience, learn from it, don't repeat the same mistake again.

He's your EX for a reason.

Once you don't feel that needy anymore, go dating.

[icelady1983]

You need to move on from this guy and the relationship. If you do not have trust after 4 years then you are never going to trust him.

You are putting all of the effort in to something that is over/died and also it is a too way thing. He clearly is not perfect and as far as I can see he is not making any changes or putting the effort in to things.

Also it is not a good sign that he is still talking to this girl. If he loved you and wanted to be with you then he would stop seeing her and communicating with her.

Trust is very very important in relationships and they do not work with out it. It is also clear that you are not happy and always have that fear of him cheating which means there is no chance of things working.

I know it may seem hard now and you can not see it but you will get over this guy and meet someone else who will love you back, who wont cheat on you and give you the respect that you deserve. Just go out and have fun with your friends, keep your self busy, do the things that you want to do, enjoy life and when you least expect it and the time is right you will meet someone else.

The guy you are trying with is clearly a player and confused on what he wants and not getting enough attention is not an excuse to cheat on someone.