Me and my girl

[tonyp123]

I've been with her for 6 months. I'm 16, she's 14. This long

Lately, our relationship sucks. We argue constantly. Mostly, it's because I am sensitive and she is care-free. She does things that upset me all the time. Most little things I get over, but we've had some big ones here lately.


1) Our first big argument was during our 2nd month. She had told me her and her ex had taken a bubble bath together. I was ok with that, until she started asking to spend time with him, like going to his house. I totally want my girlfriend to go with her ex and hang out at his house where it's only Him, Her, His mom, and His little brother. B Well. I got mad. Eventually, after long hours of crying, she told me the bubble bath thing was a lie. I was pissed, because the reason for this lie was because I said something that upset her, and she decided to say something to get me mad. This argument got solved after she begged for forgiveness.

2) The next big argument was when we started talking about her friends, which happens to be all her ex's. Her best friend and ex Cody comes from Spartenburg every other weekend. She would want to go to his house with nobody there except her, him, and his grandparents. I flipped because she only sees that it's her friend. She doesn't see it's a guy, or her ex. She leaves that part out. She looks at it as a friendly get together. Well, we argued and argued until I caved. I said, it's whatever, go hang out with them. I don't care.

3) Well, as if it could get any worse. I screwed up. We were at church and I was getting jealous because Katy was getting all googly-eyed at this dude that came to church to sing. She said that she wasn't, but she seemed too excited to me. Well, I let it go and it was brought up again in the church van. She blurted it out to everyone, but it was only directed to Reggie, my best friend. I got upset, and I tried to play it off. She was trying to lighten the mood between Katy and I by joking around how I get jealous to my best friend. Well, I wrapped my arm around Katy's mouth, and told Reggie "I am just messing with her about being jealous" and I whispered in Katy's ear "your starting to piss me off." I didn't hurt her, but she took what I said as yelling at her, she threw me off of her, and I sat there. I started to think about it and I apologized as soon as I got home. I still apologize. That argument got solved.

4) This time it really hurt. Remember the guy I was talking about in paragraph 1? His name is Joseph, and he's bi. Everyone mostly sees him as homosexual though. Katy thinks it's alright and dandy to spend the night at his house. She asked me, and I flipped. We argued a lot and it came down to where she was telling her best friends, my sister and Joseph, "I don't care what he says. You're my friend and I will go to your house if I want." How am I not supposed to get mad? She asks me to spend the night at her ex's house. Wtf? Well, this argument got solved by her apologizing.

5) It gets worse. Once the bubble bath thing was solved, Joseph told me Katy had cheated on her last boyfriend, which wasn't true. Turns out, this guy named Brett tried to kiss her when she was in Georgia when she was dating her last serious relationship. Well, it wasn't brought up again until last month. Sometime in June, she asks me if she could go hang out with him. I was pissed yet again, because the last time she had seen him, he didn't give a flying flip that she was dating someone, he just kissed her. Well, she made excuses for why he did that. Now she tells me that it was mostly her fault because the lights were out and she was watching a movie with him. She also said he was high, which to her was supposed to make everything all cheery and make me change my decision. Well, now she was basically asking if she could go with someone who gets high and disrespects her. I said no, and it ended up her apologizing for asking. She still wanted to go.

6)Wednesday, Katy spent the whole time over at my house with Joseph and Tiffy (my sister). Then she went to church and they ditched her so she sat with me. Then later the same problem occured, but she still went with them. Then the next day she was going to Wal-Mart and we were next door at Ryans. My dad said we could go over and see them. It was originally only supposed to be Johnny( my brother who is dating Katy's sister) and me. Well, I spent about 5 minutes looking through Wal-Mart to find them. Then, when I find her, she says "Hey, here's my dilemma" and shoves boxes in my hands. Well, Joseph and Tiffy show up and I'm completely ignored. Then later after following them around not being talked to, I asked her if I could talk to her alone. Well, she didn't say anything so I thought she didn't hear me. So I asked again. She said to me "not right now." Well, Tiffy and Joseph said they had to do something so I told them to go away so Katy and I could talk. Katy turned to me and yelled "I don't want to talk to you right now!" and I turned and people were staring at me and I felt humiliated. I walked away and now we argue about it. She says she did nothing wrong, and I argue that it hurt and she shouldn't have done that. She says she was busy and I was aggravating her.

7) Our latest problem is that apparently Katy has lost the feeling for me. Her blog is on here too. It talks about how she misses flirting with the scene emo boys you see with the black long straightened hair. Well, in it she actually says she would rather flirt and meet new guys then be with me. Well, she denies that. She says it's not true. Because of that, we haven't really clicked. She doesn't want to hang out with me as much. She has lately been avoiding me, and last night she said so herself. Her best friends got mad at her because she tried to get them to lie to me about the bubble bath thing at the time. They felt neglected and started yelling at her. To be honest, they haven't been too friendly with Katy either. They make her feel horrible all the time. That's them, back to us. She said to me that she feels she has a lot of time to make up with them. Turns out, her friends tell her to go hang out with me because they (being Katy and her friends) had been spending too much time together. Katy denies it and still hangs out with them. Last night, we started talking. At the lock-in at church, Katy had spent most of her time with her friends. They even told her to spend time with me. She didn't. The only time we got to spend together was when she was asleep at my feet, or when we watched the movie together and she was messing with her friends. I was thinking about breaking up with her then, but I felt I couldn't. I love her. Well, I think I do. I just don't know anymore because I keep getting hurt. Most of the time I spend arguing over what goes on between us. I just don't know how I feel. She told me last night she needed to save her and her friend's relationship even if it meant ignoring me for a little while. She said we didn't have a chance of breaking up. I told her I had been thinking about it. She was surprised, but why would she be if she was getting hurt everyday. I admit, I am over sensitive. I also admit I get jealous, but some of the things like listed above is just ridiculous.

[tonyp123]

i just need to know what i should do and what others think

[JaCe]

Well from my standpoint(having read your blog) i see it as similar to my situation, in which one person is a major flirt and the other is always trying to fight to keep the relationship.(remember i dont know everything) For your jealousy problem, try understanding that she doesn't see it as flirting, but merely being friendly. She has never actually cheated on you so you cannot suspect her. I think both of you defenetelly have feelings for each other because of the constant apologizing. I think that she thinks her friend needs the help alot more right now. I understand what you are feeling "she would take the time to help another relationship, but not her own?!" I have felt that too, but girls are sensitive and emotional too. And i realize the fear you must feel in her exes, like "she was with them once what if it happens again?" or "maybe she thinks its over but what if they dont?". Do not worry too much they are pretty natural. You have to trust her a little more and as she said at the end she had no thought of the breakup occuring. You need to figure out all the things that happened, ask yourself "Do I still love her?" "Is she worth it?" "What does this mean to her?" Questions about wether or not you want to turn away or not because you dont want to dump her then regret it. I may not know too much bout love but from what i have experienced this is what i think. Hope it helps.~

[tonyp123]

well, she and I just got off the fone, and we decided that most of our problems were my fault.

[doppelgaenger]

I personally think you should break up with her. Girls around that age are really immature, bud. Be the heartbreaker, not the heartbroken. You know what needs to be done.

[tonyp123]

I understand that, but I feel something is keeping me to stay with her. I don't want to break up with her because I love her. She says it's my fault. She spends more time with her friends than with me, and when I put my foot down, she yells at me.

[JaCe]

There is no such thing as it was your fault unless you had done something to actually make it yours to blame.

I know what you mean, the day right after my bf dumped me, i felt taht i could have fixed everything, and that it was all my fault. And the day i told myself i would move on, i kept feeling something pull me back. So in the end im still waiting for him to talk to me and still waiting for him to decide. And yes its very true that you both are young (freak, i am too) but to become so stubborn as to not let you "put your feet down" or talk to her when its needed is too much. You need to talk to her in person and compromise. Get a few hours and meet up somewhere you can be alone, and dont hide any feelings you have. Don't expect her to know what she wants and stuff, give her some space to think and analyze where in life she wants to go,and who she wants to be with now.

-again, its not like im a genius, just trying to help

[Cain]

I understand that, but I feel something is keeping me to stay with her. I don't want to break up with her because I love her. She says it's my fault. She spends more time with her friends than with me, and when I put my foot down, she yells at me.

I can almost guarantee that you will not be with her after high school. Why spend your time with someone that says everything is your fault? Break up with her. If she loves you, she'll try to fix it.

[vashti]

Jeezus, Joseph and Mary!! 14 year old girls taking bubble baths with boys, sleeping at boys houses, and then... GOING TO CHURCH? Talk about hypocrisy. This girl is too young for a single boyfriend. She's just a kid that wants a lot of attention. She needs a babysitter or some new parents who are paying attention to what kinds of things she is getting in to. Her behavior with boys (all of them, including you) is very unhealthy.

YOU are too controlling. You don't have a right to determine who she (or any other girl) hangs around with - the only power you can/should expect to have is whether or not you will stay with a girl that doesn't behave in a way that you approve of.