I am in need of help NOW

[abovetheclouds]

Hi , heres my dilemma.

One of my best friends that lives in California recently had an issue with his girlfriend and she moved out of his place and he told me to come live with him( Ive been wanting to move out there for a long time) He has a 2 bedroom and he said for me and my girlfriend to come out asap/whenever we want and can afford to. Now my dilemma is, I love my girlfriend a lot a lot, but for some reason I really dont want to move out there with her, I dont know why but its honestly eating me alive inside and I honestly feel horrible that Im even thinking this but I, for some reason , do not want her to come. Its honestly breaking my heart and is a complete mind ****, not to mention if she came with me, it would cut my expenses in half, but thats not important to me, just the fact that for some reason, I want to go by myself , is really putting me into guilt trip overdrive. I stupidly told her about it immediately after I found out and she is so so excited, I have somewhat worsened my situation. Plus, I forgot to mention to you guys, Im not going out there to go buckwild and party all day and night. I plan on working 1-2 jobs and attending full time school. My reasoning for going to california is because Ive spent a lot of time there and I love the state entirely, and I need a serious change of scenery. I really love my girlfriend a lot and just seeing her makes me so happy but I am almost to the point of tears because I really feel strongly about going alone. I dont want to break up with her, or break her heart but I dont even know how to go about even discussing this idea because I know the second I bring it up , Im going to watch her eyes fill with tears and its going to feel absolutely terrible. Im at a loss right now and have no idea what to do(which is a rarity) I just wanna hide from the world but I know that wont solve anything, so Please , anyone out there , help me. I am desperate. thanks

[Pietomb]

Perhaps you could mention to her that you'd like to go on ahead on your own, to see what it's like so that when she comes there too then you know what you're doing and can help her sort herself out. This is presuming that you'll change your mind about wanting her out there, which by how you sound is what i think will happen.

[vashti]

Pietomb's way is a good idea... the job market is bad right now, and you will both have a hard time finding work (most likely). Tell her you don't think you should go together because being financially unstable would be worse if there were 2 of you.

Or, grow a pair and tell her the truth. She might cry, but people don't die from crying.

[paracelsus82]

I feel your pain, and if you think you might miss her and want her to join you later, then go with Pietombs....but if you really dont think you will have her come (for other reasons than what you tell us) by all means, DONT LEAD HER ON, it will be that much worse for her. I know just of being myself, I would MUCH rather no whats goin on than to wonder (cause my wondering leads to crazy thoughts) So If I were her (and u should put your self there also) I would want to know about it, so we could talk it, and I have a clue as to what my future my hold for me. It would give me time to come to grips the reailty.

[Yggdrasil]

You have to do what you think and feel is right.

[Raze]

^^ I agree with the above post. You gotta do what you gotta do. No questions asked.