shes put me in alot of trouble :( im scared

[Tech]

I am based in the UK and so sorry for a long post but I just need to get it out and no idea what to do.

unfortunately my now ex has blown things way out of propertion and called in the police and I was charged for common assault no battery, and sexual assault.

in my life, this is the first time I have "committed" such an offence (there was no sexual assault) and I am never in trouble as I am a professional and also do not believe in such things, plus of my strong cultural and religious upbringing.

so, the sexual charges got dropped, and I had my hearing at the magistrates and then the sexual charges were put back up again by CPS!

what happened was that all I wanted to do was talk to her and calm her down and talk things over, as this is what I believe in and always do and have been open with each other.
she said no and i said please lets talk, so when she was entering her house, I also entered as the door was left open and thought that was an invitation.
sat down, she did not even look at me but turned her back towards me and i said please, turn around and of course she said no.

there were a few exchange of words (nothing of swearing nature) and then another friend of hers came to which at this point without my acknowledgement told her to go get help. I was then going to leave then she told me to not "dare" to walk out that door and sit down as she wants to hear what I want to say.



I then said look, can we please talk in the kitchen to which she agreed. I told her to close the door, as its rude to talk/be in this mode when there is someone else present in the other room, and she did this.
i asked her why she is like this and after everything she said about wanting me and "cannot live" without me etc... etc... and why she is behaving like this she just said to me just go, i cannot handle this and I said no, we need to talk about this properly.


of course she and I was upset and angry I guess. I held my arms out to indicate that its ok, lets hold each other and calm down. I went closer to her and she was inviting then when I tried to hold her softly by the shoulders (her arms were crossed/folded and she was also wearing the jacket I had bought her a few months ago) and to give her a peck on the cheek, she said "no, off" and my peck went on her shoulders.

at this point, one of her friends "barged" into the kitchen opening the door, so I moved back so that the door did not hit me or my ex and she came in to open some wine.

I then eventually left and got arrested.

now, she is accusing me of touching her breasts and back and kissing her on the back - this was never true at all. all I did was to hold her softly by the shoulders and talk calmy as I am normally and to put any fear out of her because she knows I am not the violent type or any kind
we were also due to get into the marriage stage as well, and a few months ago we agreed we would get each other an eternity ring, to which I did for her birthday last month.


I have not eaten in weeks or slept, lost ALOT of weight and loss of earnings because of all this, and worried what will happen. I pleaded not guilty to the charge and now will be taken to the crown court.
I did no such thing as she has accused me off. I am so scared and unable to focus on anything!

please, can someone help I do not know what to do, and have a whole life ahead of me but now fearful, its cut short.

This offence is apperently on the minor scale but i dont know what to think or do. I am applying for legal aid but who knows how long that will take, this is really distressing and so unfair. The whole experience is just so traumatic and my life is over.
I am not guilty, i just do not know what to do and what i will be facing or up against. im very upset and just need some comfort or something, i dont know.


I just cannot believe all this, especially after what I have done for her and her kids over the months, and the fact that she is a nurse at the NHS.... just makes no sense. The one person I could trust in this whole world.... to turn her back on me like this and get me in trouble.

a couple of days before this, she was like she loves me, misses me, cannot imagine her life without me etc.... - then this. makes no sense and im in alot of trouble

[entrepreneur724]

First of all, I'm terribly sorry for what is happening to you. I'm going through a possible break-up and it hurts like hell. I can't even imagine having charges brought on by the person I love, that's betrayal at it's best.

Unfortunately, there really isn't much you can do at this point involving your ex. You will have to move on (not that it's going to be even close to easy). You need to get your mind off of things. Try working out. It seems to work for a lot of people as you can get out your anger, re-leave stress and keep your mind off things.

I know that food doesn't sound even remotely interesting and you probably feel sick constantly. However, you do still need to maintain your health. That is something that you can't let someone else take from you.

[Tech]

thanks, i appreciate it.
it is indeed betrayal at its best. she knows the type I am, a ladys man, a gent otherwise things would not have been so great until recently.

but i am going to court and im so scared and worried. cant even talk to the solicitor to make a case until after the court hearing and legal aid have been approved and that is weeks away.

i believe there is a lack of evidence but also sending me mixed signals but of course even though this is very minor, the accusation is taken seriously

[entrepreneur724]

Well I hope that everything gets dropped (so long as you didn't actually do anything of course, but to that, we'll never know) so you can move on with your life.

It's not going to be easy, but don't every forget that you WILL be happy eventually.

[Tech]

I do too but doubt it will be dropped. UK is pretty hard to drop such cases and she must be wanting to continue with it, and no idea how as she doesnt earn enough (Struggles) to even hire a solicitor/lawyer.

[Mike Chudej]

The only way that the charges will be dropped is that she wanted it to be. I know that this is hard on you. However, if you look at it this way it could have been worst if the two of you get married.

When life is coming down on you (or shit happen), say either of these words out "Thank You" and "Appreciate" (whichever is appropriate for your situation) and things will be better.

"Thank You" that you found out what she is like, otherwise it could have been worst.

[Tech]

i totally understand that believe me i do.
just.... dont know what to do. obviously she didnt want the charges to be dropped but still makes no sense how she can continue to go to court if she doesnt have money for a solicitor (and she still owes me alot of money after I bailed her/her kids out at the beginning of the relationship as they were getting evicted)

the charges for sexual assault were dropped, but then on the day of the magistrates hearing, they got put back up by the CPS. makes no sense. all because of the word "breasts" probably. she said that I touched them and then tried to hold her and kiss her back..... not true.
wouldnt be possible either as she had her arms folded throughout the whole scene and was wearing the jacket I bought her.

[Gigabitch]

My brother's estranged wife is doing the same thing right now.

This really pisses me off. Women need the law to protect them, not to punish their exes.

[Tech]

exactly.
ive always been supportive of women especially my now ex, never controlled, never did anything but support and appreciate and have unconditional love with one another. got so close which was wonderful. i helped her ALOT with all that has gone wrong with her this year, as most wold bail out ASAP.... i never did.

then this. just, why. what reason.

[Heath]

Tech ,

I feel bad for you , because you sound like a genuine nice guy. Its really really weird for someone that means the world to you can do such mean things.

Have you talked to her after all of this? Text/msn?

I'm sorry but some women have no heart. (Just as I know alot of women have a heart of gold)

I'm in a 'similar' situation , not with the criminal charges but I have been shocked about how cold she could be after all I've done for her.

I wish you the best of luck and hope your ex comes to her senses.

Heath

[Tech]

thank-you.
no, i have not contacted her in any shape or form due to my bail conditions but even then if i didnt have any bail conditions, i wouldnt contact her at all.

i just, can see the whole trial in my head "we find the defendant, guilty"

but... im not!

you know, she violated her profession job as well by telling a few details about patients that she has been dealing with, and I never done anything about it as it is not me at all but she should know better not to discuss such confidential things.
just, at a complete loss. its basically her word against mine and apperently she was "very upset" - but she was from the beginning as was I also. upset bcos its over and bcos I tried to talk to her because I make an effort, and she does not.

never have i touched her in a bad way or anything.

[IndiReloaded]

She sounds crazy. Stay calm & extricate yourself as quickly as possible.

She's after drama and revenge. Don't go there.

The courts are still terribly biased in such matters. Its supposed to be changing but you still hear about guys getting screwed by their exes. At least you weren't married.

Stay calm and cold. Tell your story truthfully. Judges know how to tell if someone is lying or a freakout. If you establish yourself as a reasonable person, chances are you'll be okay but you'll have to tough it out.

Sometimes, bad things happen to good people. Remember tho, what goes around does come around. Her attitude will bite her back eventually, mbe through her kids, who knows? Not your problem, tho.

[Tech]

thanks I appreciate it.
she probably is after revenge or something even though I thought she would never be the type.

I still arent convinced I will be given not guilty verdict because of such a serious accusation (yet on a minor scale apperently) is always taken on the women's side.

just makes no sense why the charges of the sexual assault were dropped, then put back up again by CPS (Crown Prosection Service)

[IndiReloaded]

Well, innocent unless proven guilty, right? What proof does she have? Character witnesses?

I dunno your situation, but sounds to me she's just dragging you thru the mud b/c she can & has no other resources. If she had a mafia uncle, you'd probably be dead. Find small blessings where you can.

Next time, don't forget the golden rule: pick a partner with less issues than you.

[Gigabitch]

That's because quite often in cases of real assault, the victim gets scared and decides not to press charges even when she should. It's the same here. My brother is having to answer to assault charges that his wife dropped when it was brought to her attention that there was a witness present during the entire time she alleged that he threw things at her and that perjury is a serious crime.

Because she got the ball rolling, though, the state is picking it up and moving forward.

It's actually a good thing. The fact that she lied to the police will come out in front of the judge and it won't be pretty for her.

I'm not sure how things work where you live. I hope the same result is possible.