What to do? strange behavior

[Ace1972]

I'm in my 30s a guy and and my girl is in her 30s. She has two kids both teenagers.

I have made some mistakes with this girl but I really love her and want to make it right. I formed a buddy type relationship with her son and sometimes I would undermine my gfs authority with her kids in front of her kids. I know that this is wrong, but it really made her angry. I have been living with an angry girl for about three days now.

My problem is this. We have basically been living together straight for 3 and half months, and this is about the time we have been seeing each other total as well. We normally call each loving pet names and I continue to do so, but when she is angry she stops this and she also stops the loving touches that I crave. I can be a senstive guy and some of my friends just say "wait it out" etc but I'm going insane, which is likley why I am here.

She will not say I love you which bothers me. I say it to her all the time, and she does not return it. I touch her and she doesn't pull away but will not touch me back. I kiss her, and I get a little peck on the lips, but nothing passionate. I like the intimate touches a couple shares. A couple can be angry with each other and still love each other. I have apologized and even mentioned that we can disagree and have an agument, but pulling loving touches away is not right and she just says "I will not say or do something that i do not feel at the time". T

We have plans to go away soon just us and we are still going away so this seems like mixed messages...

Whats going on here?

[girl68]

You're having a fight that's what! You'd think at mid 30's you'd know what a fight felt like.

1) for one just cause she's not touching you doesn't mean she doesn't love you.
2) when someone is mad at another person they don't want to touch, kiss, or tell them you love them why? Because you're mad! Mad does not equal hate.
3) you better learn real quick that being a father does not equal "buddy buddy"
4) you better learn real quick that parenting is a dual effort. You and her are a team not you and son.
5) if you don't want to be a father you GTFO of there now. This is what you sign up for when you invole yourself in a situation with children.
6) do NOT undermine her authority! If you disagree you talk to her about it, in private.
7) she feels disrespected as a partner and a mother, and you're complaining about her being upset about that.

Piss off in the meantime. She'll come around. But so far- you've done nothing to even come close to making it up to her.

[Gigabitch]

It's pretty common for angry people to withhold affection from the object of their wrath. I would never piss my husband off and then go to him for a cuddle.

I agree with everything girl68 said.

[Ace1972]

Well, for her birthday which was just a few days ago I got her a nice hand made necklace and sent her flowers delivered. I have said I'm sorry ALOT.

I recongize what I did was wrong, and you guys have put it the way it is. I have been too buddy buddy with her son. I have a daughter of my own and I would not liked to have happen to me what happened to her.

Withholding affection-does this mean withholding pet names, etc as well? I know what a fight is, and have have had them, but this seemed different. Thanks for being so honest.

[girl68]

Yes this includes pet names... When I'm mad I do not go around saying "BABY! .... _____-" so yes, she still loves you but err she doesn't LIKE you right now.

You've said "sorry" have you said: "I'm sorry FOR __________ I understand ____________ in the future I will ___________."? Perhaps that is what she's looking for. Then ask her what she wants from you now, and in the future (in regards to this problem).

Apologize with more depth. Then tell her that you're hope you 2 can be happy again and move on.

And sorry about the you've done nothing part... you have but if you're unsure what she wants or needs, at this point whats the harm in asking her straight up what she wants or needs?!

[Gigabitch]

Good one, girl. Specificity is important when apologizing.

After all this, though, I think there's a limit on how long she gets to act like the injured party. I think her time is about up.

[girl68]

I agree her time is about up. Ask her if you can talk... then say the stuff I mentioned above.

[Ace1972]

I was very specific in what I did was wrong, and told her it will not happen in the future. In fact, her son asked me to do something that I have have done in the past, and I declined and let her know about his asking. She knows how serious I am taking this.

Thanks again. I hate arguing, and sometimes when a fight crops up I try to excuse my way out of it. No more of that, thats for sure. The other night there there was some defrosting of the ice caps--we joked around and she smiled at me alot. She did not touch me but she did not shrink from my touch either.

I'll let you know how the weekend goes.

[girl68]

Good work- she will come around. She's probably just one (like me) to make damned sure you know you screwed up, and to work damned hard to make it up. And I love him the whole while I'm pissed at him too.

[Gigabitch]

ere you smoking pot with him? What's the deal? Why is she SO pissed off?

[Ace1972]

No pot smoking. He wanted his gf to come over unsupervised. my gf did not want this and I attempted to make it look like she didn't trust her son in front of the son. Was not good. I deserve to have been angry at.

[girl68]

LOL... yeah.

Since you're like his "buddy buddy" you're like advocating him to "score". Mommy's don't want their sons growing up to be man-whores. Yeah... you'd be hella pissed if she was like yeah let your daughters big, bad bf come over when you're not home... eh? Yeah right- you'd be sooo pissed!

Anyways goodluck making up.

[Gigabitch]

She's not ready to be a grandma yet. I don't blame her.

Look, Ace, i hope you've given that kid a long talk about birth control. It sounds like his mom doesn't even want to deal with the possibility that he might be having sex.

[IndiReloaded]

Oh boy. If she is concerned about him undermining her authority, I'm not sure that deciding to give the kid The Talk about birth control is the right way to go about it.

Discuss it with her. Soon. If she freaks, your position is that you are *concerned* for him. That is your motive and its a reasonable one. If she balks, go away and let her digest it. Its still her son, sucks, but there it is.

Then, you can both decide on a strategy. Whether its you giving the talk 'man to man' or both of you together, figure it out b/t you before involving the kid.

[aznprincess]

Make sure you treat her well and kind suck up to her when you want to express how truly sorry you are. You should treat her like a princess and remember, in the end you dont want to regret losing her, for I could see how much she really means to you. Goodluck!