To Separate or stay with wife.....

[dreamer1976]

Another thing I'm thinking about :

Why is she not 'fighting' for me to stay? Why isn't she asking if there is anything we can both do to change or improve the relationship?

[Seradin DaCuir]

Another thing I'm thinking about :

Why is she not 'fighting' for me to stay? Why isn't she asking if there is anything we can both do to change or improve the relationship?

Because couples are not always on the same page when it comes to communication, desire, or willingness to work. She also may suffering from depression. All these issues are addressed when you go to the councillor you don't want to go to. (really, no joking)

[IndiReloaded]

She says she wants me to do whatever I need to and if that's letting me 'go', then she's willing to do it because she loves me.

Please. She is just trying to make her unwillingness to work on your marriage sound noble. Its not. Its pathetic. Inaction is also a decision.

Half-assed commitment is not commitment. But I think you already know this. Can you say 'mentally lazy'?

That or she's already given up & just doesn't have the guts to tell you so. Read above, same reason.

Take her to counselling, like Seradin says. A good counsellor will point this out. If she is depressed, get her drugs. Then go to counselling.

Come to think take her to your doc anyway. Many women in their 40s+ have thyroid problems that affect them. I know two women personally this happened to. They literally went nuts for a while until the problem was figured out. Combined with mentalpause, it can be pretty deadly for you long-suffering husbands.

[Harte]

gonna have an update on this indi shortly, I once again broke the silence and we are now talking

[marshawna1]

okay i definitely feel that she had separation in her mind way before you had, i think you definitely are the one thats holding on to the love in this relationship, you keep referring to her as strong, but strong is a weird word to describe a separation of a relationship,the fact that you keep referring to her as strong is definitely saying that it is easy for her to take you out of the equation,shes basically telling you "hey, it was fun while it lasted" i think she already knows what the outcome of a separation would do towards you guys, itfeels that you are the one who will be heartbroken the most, and that you are using her for the excuse of not wanting to leave cause you dont wanna hurt her feelings..but people do fall out of love, some do love harder than others, and a woman who dosent wanna have kids, usually is more career driven and puts her work first, you sound like your the type of man who thinks kind of old-schooled like you want the loving wife with the kids but you also like having a woman who takes charge with her life and is career oriented...with a great sex-life..lol...definitely take the break, you might find something that you've been missing which is great, or you wife might come to her senses and both of you will realize just how much you guys love eachother...good luck!!!!

[Seradin DaCuir]

Mentally lazy is definitely one of the possibilities. Even my wife indicated the same thing through this process. But I indicated back to her that's ok, but not this relationship. I deserve better than that. But her acknowledgment of this fact has challenged her "not" to be mentally lazy. So in my example, it worked out good. But she still has a way to go yet.

If your process has the both of you not wanting this to work, chances are it's over. Our councilor said to us that if both sides of the relationship are "out of love" or "not willing to commit to fixing the relationship," the odds of it resolving it to move forward are nil. Don't mean to dump that on you in the negative, but it seems that a. you want to leave, and b. she's "mentally lazy" to make it work.

But I am not an expert. Don't listen to me! Go see a councilor.

Good luck!