Why Do I Have To Have Feelings for this Jerk?!

[CuteSweetBerry]

Years ago I met my ex and it took a while but we fell in love. But he lives in Europe and I live here. We last saw each other in 2004 and stopped communicating until 2008. He then contacted me and we started talking again, and I started to have feelings for him despite the fact that I am in a relationship and so is he. I just found out a few months ago that he's going to be a father. He claims that he doesn't want to marry her and has no great feelings for her. I also found out that he's been flirting with other girls behind her back. Unfortunately one of those girls is me. What should I do? Why do I have such strong feelings for this guy when he's such a jerk? :'( How do I forget about this guy and just move on? It's not so easy because I have tried and nothing works:'( Please Help Me Someone!

[Aeradalia]

Given your state of mind, I have to ask... do you really want advice or are you looking for someone to say what you want to hear (i.e.... you can't control your emotions and should run away with him)?

In the event that you want advice... I'll say this:

You have emotions for him because that's just the way nature is sometimes. Sure, you could break it down into it's integral parts... but in the end you'll end up with a mix of logic, instinct, and the irrational.

Emotions do not control you... rather they heighten your experiences in life... but through willful determination and a little common sense... you can keep your emotions in check.

You move on by accepting the fact that nothing about this will be easy --- it's going to be a struggle the whole way. That will gear you up for the long haul, and keep you from relapsing into emotions and behaviors that will get you into trouble. Stay busy in your own relationship. Take strides to make improvements if necessary... just spend more time with you boyfriend. Anytime you think about the other guy... distract yourself... and/or remind yourself that he's a cheater and generally a worthless kind of guy.