Very unhappy

[misombra]

good luck stuart.

[Kat14]

Yes, Stuart, best of luck, I hope he can help.

[Stuart2]

Thank you all for your support and time. I will let you all know what he says. I really appreciate your help at this difficult time

[Stuart2]

The priest was most sympathetic yesterday... but I don't think it got me any further forward. He was sympathetic to us both, but did say that my wifes views were broadly those of the church... in that sex within marriage as well as performing a bond is for the procreation of children.... and that contraception should not be used. Ufortunately he said a vasectomy is included within this..

The main suggestion he had was the one method endorsed by the church, namely the rhythm method. But I can't even seeing my wife to agree to this. He wants to see her, but I had to forbid him from visiting as she would go mad that I had discussed it with him... and getting her to go seems as impossible as anything else.

He did also say that if it came to divorce then she would be committing a sin, so I cannot see how you are supposed to live with a happy sex life in a catholic marriage!

My move is set for Monday, and I have now revised my promises to say although I will not have sex the moment I move out, I will have it when the time is right with a new partner, however slow or quick that may be.

[Gigabitch]

DM if that was meant to be a joke I didn't find it funny.

DM has sex with nobody also, if that makes you feel any better.

[quote=Stuart2;491966]

I know for sure she won't talk to our parish priest as she would be mortified and regards herself as a key member of the local catholic community....

The priest was most sympathetic yesterday...

He wants to see her, but I had to forbid him from visiting as she would go mad that I had discussed it with him... and getting her to go seems as impossible as anything else.

No, Stuart. He's your priest too. She doesn't own the church. It owns her.

[boobaa]

religious people, **** mee... oddest people ever.

[Mish]

The "rhythm method" relies on abstinence during the most fertile period of a woman's menstrual cycle. For women who have regular 28-day cycles, that occurs around days 10 to 17 of the cycle.

And that's supposed to help you how?


It sounds like the Catholic community you live in is more fundamentalist than many others. Maybe you need to look outside of your immediate community to higher Religious authorities.

A couple of quotes that may help you:

USCCB (United States Conference of Catholic Bishops) -- About Catholic Marriage -- Marital Sexuality: "The Catholic Church, in its official teaching, has always taken a positive view of sexuality in marriage. Marital intercourse, says the Catechism of the Catholic Church, is “noble and honorable,” established by God so that “spouses should experience pleasure and enjoyment of body and spirit.” (#2362). The Church’s positive understanding of sexuality is rooted in the teachings of Jesus that were, in part, drawn from the wisdom of the Old Testament. Both the Book of Genesis and the Song of Songs describe the basic goodness of sexual love in marriage. In the New Testament, Jesus began his public ministry with his supportive presence at the wedding feast of Cana, a further indication of the goodness of marriage."

USCCB -- Married Love and the Gift of Life: "The Church teaches that the sexual union of husband and wife is meant to express the full meaning of love, its power to bind a couple together and its openness to new life." (page 2, 11/14/2006)

[url]http://marriage.about.com/od/catholic/a/catholicsex.htm[/url]

[vashti]

All that is true Mish, but it doesn't negate the underlying fact that for Catholics, procreation is the expected result.

[Mish]

All that is true Mish, but it doesn't negate the underlying fact that for Catholics, procreation is the expected result.

In some communities it is. But in others it isn't. I've searched on the topic a bit and it looks like there is nothing in the official stance of the Catholic church that says sex is for procreation only.

[GirLee4Ever]

You are both very young still and in the prime of your lives..you should be totally having sex. I too am sorry and I am curious as well as to what her religion? I bet somewhere in the good book in some way or another..it says the wife has the duty to have sex with her husband. I was raised Christian and the entire bible is about LOVE.
"In the end....there is LOVE."
Part of love in a marriage is sex. I would find every passage that says that it's her duty to give up some booty and I swear they are in there..certainly not worded like that but there is spiritual direction for this. There is always spiritual direction so I would research that. Maybe get a book about sex and religion and encourage her to read it with you?

[The SpaceCowboy]

Stuart, you seem like a nice guy and a good father. Unfortunately, you have married a bitch. There is no way to change her mind about this. She got what she wanted (children) and you are now secondary to the children. Marriage is a two way street, bud, and you are going a hundred miles an hour the wrong way. My advice to you is this; slip out the back, Jack. Make a new plan, Stan. I don't mean to be coy Roy, just listen to me. Are you getting my point here? Cut her loose and get on with your own happiness. Seeing your priest will not help because the official stance of the Catholic church is sex is for procreation, not for fun. So here's your choice; get busy living or get busy with a bottle of lotion and a tissue for the rest of your life. BTW, if you choose the tissue option be sure to treat her like she wants to be treated. She wants a partner to help her raise the kids so be ONLY that. Good luck bud.

[Stuart2]

Thank you again, all of you for your time and valued advice.

I cannot see how this stalemate can be broken, despite me having tried to get her to see our priest and to attempt to discuss the aspect that sex is part of a union in marriage.

I am at home today, packing up my things ready to move into a tiny flat on Monday. I feel I am leaving behind my life and I break down sobbing every so often. I need a bit of reassurance here, am I doing the right thing?

I have tried everything and waited for so long. But at 39, I can't live the rest of my life without the joy of sex. I know that come Monday when i do move, I feel there will be no going back.....

[kai]

You can always take the help of your right hand, if it's not a sin in her eyes.

On a serious note, you should try living alone for sometime and see how it makes you feel.

[Bumble_bee]

Stuart I'm sorry this woman will have you leave the marital home that you both made together, let you live away from your children all in the name of her religious beliefs... I wish you the best...you are doing the right thing...

[okapa]

You are doing the right thing buddy, best of luck to you and your kids