the line between lover and mother

[vashti]

you're exactly right... what keeps me wanting to do it is how much he seems to appreciate it.

i really like that feeling... but maybe we should try to balance it and let him do some cooking too... so he can experience that warm fuzzy too

If he genuinely appreciates it, I can understand why you enjoy doing it. It's lovely to be able to give freely.

but yes, let him give to you, too.

[ecojeanne]

are you sure you really want to do this? think about it, would you be doing all this cleaning anyway for anyone? if so then fine, this is one of the things about women (i'm not sure if it's a good or bad thing) but women are compelled to sacrifice themselves. then when things go belly up they feel drained and used. be sure you actually want to do this and it's not you just thinking he will adore you even more the more you do for him coz in the end you will allow him to take you for granted and thats not a good scenario

[seganomics]

i'll keep a good balance in mind. but right now i don't feel used doing the things i enjoy doing (i.e baking) but i do have some good insight now making sure i'm aware i'm only doing it when i enjoy it too.

[Sanctuary]

Holy shit you like to cook AND clean?

Guys love this. Feminists might say otherwise but guys love girls that can fill their traditional roles.

Trust me, you don't turn into his mother in his eyes by cooking and cleaning (if u want, you can do that by nagging a lot).

Just don't let him take you for granted - that is one lucky guy.

Nm I just read that he appreciates it. Keep doing what you're doing.

[IndiReloaded]

I think you are at the stage where 'roles' are going to be established, so unless you are happy being sole cook & housekeeper, I would find other ways to let your BF know you appreciate him.

As for household tasks, I run mine on a list of negotiated duties divided b/t us based on criteria that was also negotiated. It seems pretty uncommon (I like lists), but all the men I have discussed this with seem to think its a good idea. My husband certainly appreciates it and we almost never argue about those kinds of things.

[Bumble_bee]

I remember going to see my Bf at his apartment, cleaning it, washing his clothes and cooking meals for him...all fine no problem because he was appreciative, and it was my pleasure to take care of those things....I loved the thought of being the 'perfect' girlfriend

once we lived together though, he took the living piss out of me....

[ecojeanne]

who actually likes cleaning seriously?! i abhor it. that is why i will always have a cleaner. i will never be poor enough not to be able to get one for 2 hours a month, i tidy away stuff every other day, the hard cleaning and hoovering gets done once a month. if i had a partner i would get him to pay half and get the cleaner twice a month. but i'm not reallya giver with stuff like this. it amazes me how many people hate cleaning and don't get someone in to do the shitty stuff. the idea of cleaning up his underwear ugh again i shudder, you're a better woman than i.

[seganomics]

I think you are at the stage where 'roles' are going to be established, so unless you are happy being sole cook & housekeeper, I would find other ways to let your BF know you appreciate him.

As for household tasks, I run mine on a list of negotiated duties divided b/t us based on criteria that was also negotiated. It seems pretty uncommon (I like lists), but all the men I have discussed this with seem to think its a good idea. My husband certainly appreciates it and we almost never argue about those kinds of things.

i imagine it's because this is one of the first relationships i've had that i've been be able to do these things. to actually be depended on slightly...

right now we don't live together so cleaning up his messes are few and far between but every once in awhile when everything seems so cluttered i like to surprise him. it's a nice feeling to come home everything is all tidy for you so that you can relax.

cooking... i don't mind... and actually i wish i could cook every day to 1.) save money on eating out all the time and 2.) knowing exactly what foods we're eating

tho you're right if we do move in together we'll have to establish some sort of middle ground on the cleaning... but i don't doubt we'll be fine... since we've started dating we balance everything from who drives, who pays, and time alone.

i really enjoy our dynamic... where it's very co-op yet very traditional at the same time...

[IndiReloaded]

Well, see how it goes then. You seem a bit inclined to put yourself in the more traditional wife role. That is fine if you are both happy with it.

Personally, I would be very wary of cleaning up someone else's home unasked. Even if I was dating them. But everyone has different boundaries regarding this sort of thing.

Just keep the communication going and the rest should fall into place.

[loudrims_inc]

OMG...i would loveee that!! Why would that make me appreciate a girl less??? I would appreciate her more!