Is there anything i can do ?

[Rob36]

Hi all, my name is Rob and i live in the North East of England. Have only just joined,but surfing through various posts it seems there is some good advice and mutual support on here,so here goes
I'll try to be as to the point as possible,sorry if i go on too much !
I met a girl online about a year ago,we started chatting and got on great,arranged to meet and it was great,we had the same sense of humour,made each other laugh,all the good things you want
She lives about 10 miles away,but getting on the train was no issue,and at first we saw each other as much as we could.But we both felt after a month or so,we were maybe getting a bit intense,so we continued to see each other,only not as regularly
As time went on this continued,work permitting(i worked silly and late shifts) i would go over there a couple of times a week,and her kids permitting,she would maybe come to mine one night every fortnight,plus we saw each other a day or so a week too
Moving in together was never really mentioned,and i admit that situation we had was ideal for me,i generally had 3 nights free a week,we would see each other twice and i would have my daughter the other night.I admit though that i started craving my own time,a night in on my own every now and then was a rare treat
As this went on,i would occasionally say i wasnt very well or something had come up,just to get some time to myself.Not too nice of me i know,but how i felt at the time
Id best cut a long story short here,last week she sent me a message saying how sorry she was,but she just didnt think i could make her happy,the fact moving in together had never seriously been mentioned,she had to move on.She also said she couldnt trust me as i still sent texts to my ex-this i am totally guilty of,and sometimes shamefully i did it in quiet and she found out.Nothing ever happened barring texts,and it was only the odd "hows things?"
Having had this news,ive done nothing but think about where ive gone wrong,how ive treated her,not invested enough time and enough of myself in her or the relationship
Im sure this has happened to many,but facing this stark reality,i want her back desperately but i dont know what to do about that.If i truly believed i couldnt make her happy i would do the good thing and walk away,but in my heart i do think we can be happy,we had a lot going for us.Its difficult to change who you are but if we can keep the positives and i can alter the negatives,then its got to be worth fighting for hasnt it? A lot of ifs and buts there i know
Theres been more since,and if anyones interested enough( some hope !) i can go on.So i guess what im asking is can i get her back? (i dont think so but ive lost nothing if i try) ,can i give her what she wants and make her feel loved and wanted (i do think that otherwise i wouldnt be writing this),and how can i show her i mean what i say?
Thanks for reading
Any advice or opinions,either positive or negative,will be very much appreciated

Rob

[Reath]

Hi all, my name is Rob and i live in the North East of England. Have only just joined,but surfing through various posts it seems there is some good advice and mutual support on here,so here goes
I'll try to be as to the point as possible,sorry if i go on too much !

I met a girl online about a year ago. We started chatting and got on great, arranged to meet and it was great. We had the same sense of humor, made each other laugh with all the good things I want.

She lives about 10 miles away but getting on the train was no issue for her. At first we saw each other as much as we could.However we both felt that we were getting a bit intense after a month so we stop seeing each other as frequently.

As time went past, during work off(i worked silly and late shifts), I would go over to her place a couple of times in a week. She has to get permission from her kids or else she would come to mine at night every fortnight. Additionally we saw each other a day or so last week too.

I have no issues on her moving in with me but regardless the situation will be ideal for me since I generally have 3 nights work off a week and with that, we would see each other twice and leave the last night to spend with my own daughter. I admit that I loved the night I spend alone because spending a night alone allows me to get a piece of my mind by listening to Chicken Soup.

I won't say I'm the best guy out there because I would turn her down just to have a night for myself and only myself with no other souls around me. However I'm feeling the remorse now that I'm being a selfish jerk for having that night for only myself...

Cutting a long story so short:

Last week, she text me telling me that I'm not the MAN who will make her happy because I never mentioned anything about moving in together which forced her to move on with my awesome JEDI power.

I'm as guilty as ever because she caught me sending love message to my ex-girlfriends. She's a JEDI herself and she got the force of INSIGHT which caught me red-handed even when I use INVISIBILITY while texting to my ex-girlfriends. She being so lady-like and not even a hint of anger throw me off balance and she finished it by saying "How's things?". Now she can trust me no more...

Having to know this CRUCIAL information, I've done NOTHING but thinking where I've gone wrong. I thought about how I've treated her, maybe it's because I've not invested enough time on her compared to the night I spend only on myself with only I alone in that night many times.

I'm sure this has happened to many of you 1337 people out there but facing this stark reality is making me feels stark naked dancing on the strip pole in the gay bar.

I truly want to have her back by my side. I'm so desperate right now thinking that I might lose her this very moment (I've already lost her) but I just don't know how to do it.

If I truly think that I'm not her MAN, I will BE A MAN, DO THE RIGHT THING and walk away but my heart still feels that we are so compatible that match making crystal ball said it's 101% compatible because we had been through the fire and water together.

It's difficult to change who I am but I can change for the greater goods of all mankind. I can accumulate my negatives and SHOOP' DA' WHOOPS' because it's worth firing it away far from my body. (A lot of ifs and buts there, I know because I'm Yoda).

There's been more since after I fired MAH LAZAR and if anyone is interested in helping me(and gives me some false hope!) I can go on or else I'll stop being a JEDI.

So I'm guessing what I'm asking is that if I can get her back? I don't know if I will succeed but there's nothing for me to lose if I try. Can I give her what she wants? Makes her feel loved and secured(this thought is serious, otherwise I won't be writing this) and how can I show her what I meant because she MIND BLOCKed me and I can't use TELEPATHY on her so I don't know how to react to the FORCE before me.

Thanks for reading
Any advice or opinions, either positive or negative are very much appreciated.

Rob
Proof read and edited by Jereath

No harms done but at least it's readable now... I'm fed up with scary texts.
If you have doubts in my scary text translation, feel free to read it yourself and compared it to mine.

[SS Gal]

Is there any chance that you are just lonely and worried you will be alone again? It doesn't seem like you guys were on the same page about where the relationship was going. If it was really something special and you can see fault in your actions that may have driven her away, I'd recommend sending her a heartfelt e-mail about how you feel and admitting your mistakes. Sometimes time apart makes people realize what they had, so if nothing else, just give her time to reflect on things and if she still has feelings for you, the ball will be in her court.

[Reath]

You got ditched... because you never ask her to move in with you?

This is my understanding towards your message, please post something which I can understand. Thank you.

[Gigabitch]

Sounds like you blew it, Rob. Sorry.

[Aeradalia]

Reath is that really necessary? You don't do that to guys you date as well? I feel pity for the poor bastards if you do.

Anyway, Rob36 I wouldn't be surprised if you were doing everything else ok. A little alone time once a week isn't asking for much. What probably chased her away was you having contact with your ex's.

Try reversing the roles, would you have been comfortable with her talking to her ex's like they were old friends? Probably not.

She has children and other complications of life that follow and needs to know she can trust a man not only for her sake, but to provide stability for her children. If you are still continuing to talk with your ex's then she sees that as unwanted competition.

Fair or not, this is how every woman you meet will perceive your communications with your ex's. I would strongly advise that you lose this habit. It can only hurt your chances in future relationships, just as it hurt you in this one.

I doubt she'll come back because she's deemed you as untrustworthy. It's next to impossible to reestablish trust when the other person is unwilling to give you another try.

Take this as a lesson learned.

[Rob36]

Aera-thank you so much for listening
Ive gone through every pernutation in my head.Were all scared of being lonely and being alone but she is what i want,not that will ever happen
SS Gal,you are right but heres a few reasons why i cant do that.Hope you reply
Thanks all again Rob

[Rob36]

and i wrote a longer message to you all but my pc knacked up,grrrr
And thank you again,aprediate it so much

[Rob36]

You both make very good points.Yes of course im scared of being alone,and at my age the thought of going back out on the dating scene is worrying.

When something like this happens,your pride and self esteem take a hell of a blow.I know that,and ive wondered if my feelings are a natural knee jurk reaction to this, an attemp to "save face" if you like

Its not though,she truly is what i want.If only i could have seen this earlier.The cliche of "you dont know what youve got til its gone" is so true here

The trust issue,i couldnt agree more on.Even though i can look myself in the eye and know i didnt cheat on her,i didnt exactly give her a reason to think otherwise.And yes,if the situation was reversed id be far from happy

A heart felt e mail,yes i think i will do that,like i say i have nothing to lose and it might at least help me to release my feelings

Gigabitch-yep i pretty much think i blew it,all my own fault i know.To quote another cliche,if i could only turn back time

Id give her everything she ever wanted and id be happy to do so.Ive never fought for anything in my life like this.As it stands,i dont see what else i can do

As for time apart,yep its an option,it can go one of two ways.It will be either absence making the heart grow fonder,or out of sight out of mind.I just wish i knew what to do to give me the best chance of the two of us ever having a future together

Again,thank you all so much for listening

Rob