Just a friend?

[cvr54]

I have this friend, a really good friend, who I'm pretty sure I'm in love with. I guess the biggest problem is that I'm not sure if he is interested in me as more than a friend.

We went to college together and then he moved away to France for 18 months, and we stayed in close touch -- he came back to visit mid-year and we had a great couple of weeks together. Now he's back in the States, in another city, and we see each other every couple of months. When we see each other, our interactions are almost completely platonic: there's no fooling around and no sloppy drunken sex. On the surface, there's nothing to make me think that he could possibly be interested in me.

But he'll stare at me across the table at a restaurant, smile, and say he's really missed me. And we'll fall asleep on the couch watching a movie. And when his best friend was in town, he took me out for dinner: I felt like I was being spied on, asking all sort of questions and talking up our mutual friend. And last winter, I went on a skiing trip with him and his family. It was a lot of fun, and I think his family thought we were together. But seriously, what's with that?

We've always been just good friends; we've only fooled around once, and that was back in college. I've tried a hundred times to tell him how I feel (mostly by drinking a few more glasses of wine), but I back out every time because I think that it will mess up my relationship with someone who is really special to me (i.e. him). And, of course, things are complicated by the fact that all our friends from college are mutual friends, and I don't want to throw a wrench in those works, making things awkward for people who are close to us both.

People say that if a guy wants to have sex with you, he will; but are there exceptions? Could he be as nervous as I am about telling me how he feels? Or maybe he's just a nice guy who is good at being a friend? I know that I should tell him how I feel -- but how do I do that? Should I risk ruining a friendship for the possibility that he feels the same way?

[McNoodle]

Sounds to me like he likes you too. Taking you on the skiing trip with his family and "falling asleep on the couch together" seem to hint that there's something more than feelings of friendship there. He may also feel that he doesn't want to risk losing your friendship. You could playfully bring up the subject of going out and see how he reacts, or just straight up ask him on a date, then tell him how you feel (while sober so you don't accidentally say something you regret later)

Whatever the outcome good luck and even if the answer does turn out to be that he only thinks of you as a friend, if you two are as good of friends as it sounds like you are then I don't think a confession will do anything to change that (spoken from experience)

[Cbrider]

People say that if a guy wants to have sex with you, he will; but are there exceptions?

Where the hell do people read this garbage, its a small number of men that somehow overshadow the masses. Its just like the wrap that street bike riders get.....but that one might be warranted

Yes, there is an exception, its called the "nice guy" or sometimes called the "good guy."

Look, from a guys perspective, he's acting very strange for just being a friend. I have lots of female friends, but I wouldn't take them out to dinner, much less on a ski trip with my family. I could be completely wrong about what the rest of the male population thinks, but I am pretty sure most consider that weird behavior.

No one is going to be able to tell you how he feels, things just get to unpredictable when you're in the friends zone like you are. If you want to know, you're going to have to ask, and you need to do it while completely sober. I don't cuddle, spoon or much less, fall asleep with my female friends watching a movie - I can assure you that's NOT friend behavior.

You're not going to ruin your friendship by asking, sure it may be weird for a short while, but it doesn't break up friendships. Honestly, you need to do it for yourself, you owe it to yourself. You will struggle to move on unless you know.

The worst that can happen, he says he doesn't reciprocate the feelings and you continue to be friends, life goes on.

On the other hand, you find out he does like you, you start dating and you end up marrying your best friend.

Pull the trigger, if you came here asking, its bothering you enough to warrant the question.