My girlfriend has changed drastically!

[vanhorn]

My girlfriend and I have been together for more than a year now. Although our relationship became long distance since she had to move to Canada to study almost 3 months ago, everything was great between us and always has been. She’d call/txt me all the time, tells me how much she loves me and misses me, laughs at the jokes I say (even the stupid ones), up for making out or having sex any time, etc… However, the past month has been nothing but the complete opposite.

At that time, we had a fight, but it wasn’t a big deal (as with the case for almost all the fights we’ve had before). In any case, I apologized, and she accepted my apology. But since then, her attitude towards me changed drastically. Now she rarely calls me or texts me, and even when she does, it’s like someone has forced her to do it; completely unenthusiastic, it’s not like she’s talking to her boyfriend. She stopped telling me how much she loves me or misses me at all, and any stupid thing I say just makes her angry. Since the day she set off to Canada, I told her that I’m gonna visit her, and so I did 2 weeks ago. However, seeing how she changed, I asked her several times before I came whether if she still wants me to come or not, and she’d always reply with an attitude, saying “what do you think?!” I emphasized to her that this is a yes or no question, and eventually she said “yes.” I was still unsure about coming, but many of my friends and hers told me that once we see each other, everything’s gonna be different.

So that’s what I did, I went all the way to Canada from Holland to see her, and her attitude was THE SAME; no expression of any feelings towards me. She only hugged me when I first came (actually, it’s more like we both hugged each other), and that was it. She never approached me in any way. I’m always the one that is hugging her and kissing her. Even when we kissed, it’s like she’s not trying, and would last for no more than 5 seconds, where eventually she’d push me away. Of course, she refused to do anything beyond kissing with me, each time coming up with an excuse stupider than the one before (please keep in mind that we have lost our virginity together!)

Thus I waited a couple of days, convincing myself that maybe she’s stressed out from university or whatever, but still her attitude towards me was the same. I finally decided to talk to her about it. I told her pretty much everything I mentioned above, and how she’s changed and all that, but she didn’t respond. I know that she doesn’t like to be pressured onto answering stuff (that’s the way she is) but I thought that this is very important. I mean, I came all the way from Holland to see her, expecting our relationship to become stronger than ever, but all I get is the extreme opposite. After 2 days I got completely fed up, and gave her two choices; either that she agrees to do something about this since it’s really bothering me (at least reach to some sort of compromise), or I’ll leave. Again, she didn’t respond and I started packing my stuff. While I was at it, she started babbling a lot of stuff in the vein of that “people change.” I couldn’t care less about what she said because treating me like this isn’t OK just cause “she changed.” Hence I left the house, and surprisingly, she followed me telling me not to go. She wanted me to be cool for tonight, and that tomorrow she’s gonna change. Tomorrow came and nothing was different. I waited another couple of days, and opened the subject again telling her how her attitude towards me didn’t change at all. I told her I’m leaving but she also stopped me from going. She told me that everything will be back to normal, just give it time. Now I’m back to Holland, and have been here for 4 days. She only called me once for less than a minute just so she can check that I got back safely.

So, what do you guys thinks honestly? Shall I really just wait as she said, or is she trying to push me away from her little by little, so that we’ll eventually break up?

Really appreciate your help! Cheers!

[worthles]

Similar situation man. I was miserable for a long time, I didnt go and see her, but i did ALOT of sweet things that i thought should have made our relationhip stronger. But nothing happened.
Every girl does change once she starts university. It depends on how much unfluenced she gets, and how bad she wants the two of you to last.
My girl made a few mistakes. I tried to be understanding untill it got out of hand, and then i left her. Now she's crying and begging for me to get back with her.
I honestly thought she didnt love me anymore after seeing all that change, but right now, seeing how much she regrets it, and after she's AWARE of what she was doing was wrong, she seems to be changing.
Tolerate her, things will get better if she is still interested.
Try to keep yourself a little busy, dont call on time, dont message as much sometimes, it will drive her insane.
Right now she KNOWS that you're always around, she knows you'd do anything for her. And she's taking advantage of that. Good luck!

[vanhorn]

Since I came back, I didn't contact her at all. So what do you think is better? Shall I not contact her at all, or do as you told (call sometimes, text sometimes...)?
A friend of her likes me and she's terribly jealous of her. I'm thinking of going out with her friend, take pictures, and put them on MSN or something. I'm sure that'll drive her straight to insanity. What do you think?

[Linli]

Yeah, I'm thinking the keeping yourself unavailable will get to the bottom of this. If she's still interested, she'll be forced to stop taking you for granted. If she's grown out of the relationship, her lack of initiative will be a pretty solid indicator that it's time to break up. I'd be wondering if she might not be getting depressed so far from home, though. If so, it might be inhibiting her ability to interact with you.

[vegeta18]

hmmm im not sure if this will help you or if you would want advice from a 15 year old boy but let me tell you about a little story that happened to me and I hope it might be able to give you an idea of how she is feeling or it might just be no help at all

So there's this girl at school, I was absolutely obsessed about. I thought she was amazing, so sweet and just the perfect girl. I would walk with her talk to her before and after every class. She told me from the day we met that she doesn't like relationships and that she is actually pretty slutty but i still loved her for some reason. I was even planning on asking her on a date soon but then one day in class she was saying to some1 that she loved him and she reminded me that she didnt like relationships.

That same day I came home and thought about her since i always do except this time i finally realized that she isnt my type and that she doesnt love me and basically everything she says she doesnt mean which is typical for a 15 year old girl. Ever since then shes still been sending me hearts and stuff but im basically done with her and I dont even enjoy being with her. I never say hi to her only talk to her if she talks to me first and never even ask for hugs like i used to. I ignore her a lot and she can sense that i dont have the same feelings that i used to have for her. She asked me if i was mad at her and i said no.

So im pretty sure that she is wondering why i changed so much as well and why i stopped talking to her. For me it was just because there's something wrong with her but i never told her. Now i guess you can say i secretly hate her and don't care about her one bit.

Im not sure if that helped you in anyway but your story kind of reminded me of mine

[bloodtippedrose]

Shes been away from you and is surrounded by people the same age with similar interests. It isn't because you guys fought at all, and its not even about you.

Things got a little stale with you two and too comfortable, the long distance relationship made it even worse because you're not around to do even tiny things that couples like to do together. Not your fault. When she says people change though, shes right. she feels like shes growing apart from you and is shrugging you off possibly so you'll be the one to initiate the breakup so she doesn't have guilt riding on her head.
she might be interested in someone else or just wants freedom of flirting and having fun.


Sorry, you know her much better than I do, thats just my perspective. I dated a guy a few states away and when I felt like we were growing apart I started acting more and more cold until I couldnt wait to breakup so I could flirt again.

girls suck

[Okay]

This happened to me before, though it was my boyfriend who was becoming "changed" and less responsive. But it was unusual, during long distance he would text/call everyday. But the moment he moved back to university, so living nearby, the texting, calling was minimal, a sudden change and also when we did meet up for dates he always seemed distracted and not acting like normal. I got upset over this, I couldn't understand it. But then I found out that it was because he was too busy enjoying time as a university student, being with his friends etc...

It made me feel really unwanted and down, I didn't speak of it for a few weeks, but then it really got to me so I told him about it, cried a bit because I was hurt over it and thankfully it was sort of fixed in a way. He would then put me over everything, i.e. made me more important than his friends, that is when we are physically together. When we are apart however, I feel like he is very distracted again, and doesn't even put kisses on the end of his text anymore

I feel that perhaps maybe your girlfriend is distracted by her university life... and that you were sometimes taken for granted. We love our bf/gf alot and are dedicated to them, yet they are caught up in bits of their life. I think you need to continue to give her a little space, and then try remind her of how much happiness you had together.