Don't Deserve To Be Loved - Do I Push Him Away?

[MzConfused]

I've recently met a guy and he's really cool. He's smart, he's funny and I know his mother raised him well. He has manners and he has respect and he's everything a girl could ask for.

But I've had a shaky past and now I'm scared to give him my heart, in fact, I'm scared he'll give me his. Most guys that come along only want one thing (which they don't get) but because it's all I know, my mind set is focused that way. I don't feel I deserve the attention he's giving me and I don't feel as though I deserve the love he wants to show me. Deep down in my heart, I think I deserve it, but I can't bring myself to allow it to happen.

Before I met him, I was with another guy and although I liked him, we were much better as friends. He decided he wanted to be more than friends but he wasn't ready for comittment, he was ready for sexual pleasures which I was not willing to get. So this died out in a hurry, but although it died for me, I haven't directly told him this. I'm scared he'll get angry with me and do something to either me or the new guy I like. I don't want that.

I know for a fact I won't do anything with anyone besides the guy I like now, but I feel unworthy to be with him. I feel he's too good for me. I have so much baggage and worries and I don't want my past to come and haunt my future with the guy I'm with. I'm not sure if I should push him away or allow him to love me and if I allow him, I don't know how to?

Someone please help me =[ X.x.x.x.X

[IndiReloaded]

Tell him you aren't ready for a relationship right now, but that you think he's a great guy.

If you are serious about improving yourself, get some counselling for 6 months. Discuss these issues. Insecurity to the extreme you have it is a drag on a relationship, so right now I'd avoid getting entangled. Read our sticky about Shining Knight Syndrome. Chances are this guy has it, and when you get better, you will hate him for seeing you at your worst.

[RonHH]

Hello, You can't run your life by using the past. You learn by it !! If you want to get to know him then this is fine. Let him know where your comming from and let him know how you feel. Don't pass up a chance to be happy , but take it slow and be honest. If he is the good guy you think he is then he will understand. Don't give your heart but let him earn it, just as you will have to earn his trust and hopfully his love.
I know this is not going to be an easy thing for you to do, but again things worth having take time.
Good luck and I'm hoping the best for you.
~Ron~

[RomantiGoth]

It might be worth to note, that EVERYONE was a past... some has a worse past than others, but everyone was one!

He might suffer "shinning knight symdrome" as said, or he might have sooo much baggage that it have made him a better person.. Or he might just be naturally good (although the good guys are hard to find, they do exist)..

On a similar sidenote: me, fx. I have a lot of baggage.. or had.. insecurity, male-syndrom, troubled childhood, troubled parents, clingy nature, blablabla... But I grew up.. I have become a fine boyfriend.. My girlfriend told me in the beginning of our relationship, that I was a black clad knight on a flying dragon comming to take her away to our far-away-land.. erhmm...

Got a little sidetracked... But the point is, that even though he seems perfect, he might very well not be! So take him down from the pedestal that you have put him on and look at him as you equal... !

[Holdme]

Everyone here has hit the nail right on the head. Learning from your past makes you who you are and a better person - don't get yourself down about it ask yourself what u've gained from the experience. It's the journey that matters not the end or the begining.

I used to be alot like you, but the fact of the matter is you don't know what will happen unless you try. He's just guna get annoyed if you don't communicate with him if he has an interest in you. Everyone makes mistakes so don't worry about what happens. You gotta take the risk thats what it's all about.

Now i'm not scared of getting my heart broken or breaking someone elses, because if it wasn't ment to be there was no way you could know that. It's called a leap of faith for a reason. No one is perfect and you'll probably learn his faults but ignore them because you like him so much.

I very much doubt the other guy will do anything because it would just upset you and it would only drive you away from him. It would be very childish of him to act on not getting what he wants in a bad way. The question is simple, do you want to know what could happen or do you just want to think about what could happen and never truely know?

[Pietomb]

You have to know that you're likely to get hurt it's just the way things go, probably going to be totally unintentional but every guy is likely to hurt you at some point or another so just treat each time like a first and try not to hold on. like the person above me said "it's called a leap of faith for a reason". IF you don't risk anything you won't get hurt, but you'll never gain anything either...

[MzConfused]

Thank you guys. I feel alot better. "IF you don't risk anything you won't get hurt, but you'll never gain anything either... " - I like that saying.

I'm going to tell him how I feel but I want to take things slow as said above. He seems like he really wants to take care of me so I think I should allow him to do so, and if it works it works and if it doesn't it doesn't. Have to kiss a few frogs to find the prince, eh?

I'm going to tell him what's bothering me and elements from my past and if it's meant to be, he'll want me regardless and will accept me.

&& as for the other guy, I'm going to let him know that I'm not interested today. The longer I leave it, the worse it will be so I should get it over and done with

I hope it all goes well and thank you all so much.x.X.x

[mevsme]

I think you should never give up, unless he is cheeting!

[damn2008]

Best of luck! I'm glad to see a girl finally get through her insecurities and just for once understand it is so much better to just take a risk than not at all.

We put our hearts out on a limb so many times and sometimes we don't...who cares now? Throw some caution to the wind and see what happens!!!