23 and nothing.

[2KXJ]

Hey all, new to the forum so hopefully I'm not stepping on any toes with this as the first post.

Title says it all. No female friends, no girlfriends, no friends in general really. I believe I'm either heavily introverted or have SAD. Maybe both, maybe neither, whatever the case.

The depression from the loneliness is making me a bigger recluse every day...

In my eyes it's a viscous circle with very deep ruts that I can't get out of.

Being an only child(plus a couple of bad experiences) is why I think i've never been good at even making friends. Plus the mental stigma of being a virgin holds me back also.

Spent all night sitting here feeling bad/sorry for myself, but it's been 23 years and now it sucks. Being lonely bothers me 100x's more than being a virgin, just to clarify, this isn't a 'how do I get laid' thread.

I'm not entirely sure if I'm asking something, or if this is just to make me feel better having said it.

If you have an opinion/advice to post, please do. If you're just going to post the typical universal "dont be so shy, be yourself" shit go away please. If that actually worked, trust me I wouldn't be here. I know there isn't a straight answer for my problems(aside from the obvious GO OUT AND MEET A GIRL, which is where the circle begins), but I know that sometimes something as simple as another perspective can be very insightful and helpful.

[vashti]

You should take up a hobby - preferably somthing physical, and preferably something that can be done alongside other people - that will improve the way you feel about yourself. When you feel good about yourself, other people notice, and your confidence will rise.

[RonHH]

Hi
Just stop looking and start living. If you don't like the way you are how can you expect someone else to like you. Find something you like to do and be the best at it, women like the best of things !! Let your personal light shine and others will be drawn to it.
Take care
~Ron~

[smitty]

Start working out at a gym. You meet tons of people at the gym, guys, girls, even if you don't wanna bang them, you can still make some casual acquaintances that you can go out for a drink with and have fun with on the weekends. People in your age group are always up for a drink on the weekends

Get involved in something. Charity work. You always meet tons of nice people and you can say you're shy because you're nervous or something. People who help others are always the nicest people.

Stalk. Find a nice pretty girl and follow her everywhere....no, I'm not serious on this one. DON'T DO THIS...

[Primo]

Like vashti said, get involved in some hobbies/activities that you enjoy. Things that you find interesting are more likely to bring out your personality a bit. Even if there's not alot of women involved, you can meet some acquaintances and start some positive social networking from there.

[uri]

I have the same problem like the OP and I'm becoming 24 next year.

I never had a girlfriend and never got kissed by a girl either and the girls I liked very much in the past didn't even look my way. One was living in a different country though so a relationship really was impossible.

I feel that girls are simply not so attracted to me especially the white girls and unfortunately most girls where I live are white girls. I had more success with black girls though so maybe I should consider moving to Africa.

I think that my biggest fear and perhaps even my only fear is to stay alone for the rest of my life with no one to help me and support me.

Some guy in another forum told me that dating is useless and that I should join a Unification Church but I didn't take his offer seriously because I don't think there is a God so I didn't go.

[Sanctuary]

Watch this video and listen to the last tip.

Also, you need to learn to make friends before you can get a girlfriend imo. It's like learning how to walk before you run.

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FomroPMOKvg"]YouTube- Broadcast Yourself.[/ame]

[all alone]

go get some professional help, often times universities and other programs are readily available but people arn't aware of them. Also, get active like suggested above, pick up some sort of sport or exercise (does wonders for your mood) and charity seems also to be a good way to interact with people.

[jenniferx]

Firstly. Work on ways to make yourself more physically attractive.. go to the gym, dress nicely, get a haircut, take care of yourself physically. This will increase your confidence, and more girls will find that attractive as well as you, which will help your confidence even more, and even more girls will find you attractive. Notice the trend?

Secondly. Have your primary focus be on something you love, or if you don't have anything, find something. Not only will you be happier, but when a guy has a life or is passionate abut something, he generally will become more attractive and confident. This also helps with meeting people and social skills. Also, focusing at something besides love will put less pressure on you when you talk to girls.

Third. Do you have cousins or sort-of-friends? Try hanging out with them more and their friends to help your social skills improve and meet girls.

Forth, Id strongly suggest talking to a psychologist and perhaps, depending on what they think, a Psychiatrist. There are names for what it sounds like you suffer from, but labels will just constrict your individuality and freedom to have the confidence in improving your quality of life. There's been studies on men who are "love shy" [url]http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love-shyness[/url], but that doesn't mean you cant change. There are lots of medical drugs out there that could improve your life, and has to others.

[2KXJ]

wow... I wont lie, more replies than I expected. I'll make a bold move and make a second post, which I've seen most users don't do. Why post in an advice forum and never come back?

Personally speaking I do understand this is really just a huge mental roadblock, and a lack of connections getting to me at the end of the day. It hits me harder some days more than others. I don't think it's to the point of needing professional help(not that I believe it deserves the term.) I'm a strong person mentally, but when it comes to myself, not so much. Also I tend to over-think things most of the time, which isnt helping.

To be honest I haven't tried many things to 'broaden my horizon' so to speak. I know a hobby would be productive as being idle tends to make things worse. Though when people mention things like "hobbies" not many things come to mind except for things that would get me classified as a loser.

That's also not the first time I've been told to just "live", loosen up etc. Theres no life to live, that's why I'm here. Joining a church isn't for me as I'm interested in women. Above 18.

And to clarify I'm not an over-weight, undersized-shirt, un-groomed man beast. 6'0" 165lbs on a good day. I'm, in short, shop bitch in a large transport trailer shop. I'm not out of shape and I make decent money for where I am in life.

The concencus seems to be that going to the gym will solve problems. I believe this is the male equivalent of a boob job, 'cheating' if you will. I can't say I'd be against railing whores, I know thats really what people are meaning when they suggest it, it's just not where I am in life...

I'm not shooting down the gym idea as I'm very open to it, even have a cousin who wants to join for reasons mentioned above. I do know a little toning wouldn't hurt things though.

Thank you for all the replies too..

[lovesjoyajm]

What are the "hobby" ideas that you think will make you sound like a loser? Tell us some. Anyway, if you do something you enjoy, then you're bound to meet somewhat like-minded people.

Volunteering is also a good alternative to the gym. Or if you're into biking or running, see if there are any biking or running groups. I know most cities have biking groups and I know a lot of people whose social lives are largely tied into that.

[vashti]

I would never suggest the gym because I hate them, and I am not fond of that sort of meaningless culture.

i agree with lovesjay - biking and running clubs are where it's at. Also, I have a sister whose social life comes primarily from her kayaking and rock climbing activities. this was what I meant when I said phsyical activities, although I am sure there are plenty of other things that could enhance your life.

[MVPlaya]

The concencus seems to be that going to the gym will solve problems. I believe this is the male equivalent of a boob job, 'cheating' if you will. I can't say I'd be against railing whores, I know thats really what people are meaning when they suggest it, it's just not where I am in life...

Go to the gym so that you have a hobby that won't classify you as a loser. Meet guys, go to parties with them, see how they interact with women, expand your social circles. Thats one of the big advantages to going to a gym. Not to mention there are countless women who go to gyms.

However, this retarded bit of your post really strikes out at me: going to the gym = nailing sluts? This is so ridiculous it isn't even worth responding to, rather, it just lets me see things from your perspective and why things are they way they are for you.

You need to stop prejudging situations and people, you might not do it now, but you'll find it can hold you back when opportunities do present themselves.

I really recommend you do some activities where you're bound to meet women. I have no idea whether these things will earn you girlfriends, female friends, or whatever else - all I know is that they'll give you a chance to interact with women and be more comfortable around them, and thats an important first step to addressing your problem of loneliness. Try salsa, yoga for a month, take an interesting class, go to theaters / shows.

[Cbrider]

The gym thing is a double edged sword, that is why it's a popular suggestion. Not only are you putting yourself into a social environment, you are putting yourself in a position where your negative energy and thoughts are channeled into something that will make you more confident and attractive as final product.

I was in your shoes at one point, but sunk far past the point that you are at. I Definitely am susceptible to SAD and have been for a while now. The key for me is maintaining the social circle I have, which in turn keeps me busy. I rarely spend a night at home unless my body is just shot and I need to.

Virginity is completely and utterly overrated, it's a non issue.

No one can help you really get back on your feet, its a drive that you will only find inside yourself. You have to be proactive, and you have to be willing to step outside your comfort zone regularly. As you improve your self confidence, you will find that people view you with more respect and attraction. Its just how it works.

[2KXJ]

I did not mean any of that as if all women that go to gyms are skanks. I meant that a women who is simply attracted to a mans muscle, and will pursue him for that sole reason, is generally a skank. Which is how I'm interpreting it when people say "go to the gym" to build your physical appearance...to then pick up these kind of women.

Sounds great, but I know these women aren't on the same field as me.