Abusive Relationship?

[sephora85]

First of all, what do you define as an abusive relationship?

Second of all, Do you think I'm in one?
Here is the situation, and if you've read some of my other posts you may know some of this already.
I have been with my boyfriend for over a year now. He is very jealous, somewhat controlling, and has major anger problems. SInce we've been going out, I've stopped hanging out with my friends because he always used to make me believe that they're just whores and that I used to be one too but now I'm not because he "saved" me. He's never hit me, but he's pushed me hard enough that I've fallen down, he's cornered me and covered my mouth, screamed in my face, and made plenty of threats. He has never actually hit me though, and I don't think that he would.
He doesn't let me go out with my girlfriends. He thinks that I want to go out just to hook up with other guys (definitely not true, and I've told him this many times). We got to a point once where he would threaten to break up with me if I even mentioned my friends. For the first couple of months, I did go out with them however I had to make sure I always had my cell on me and that I answered it whenever he called (like every 30min) and if I didn't I definitely had some hell to pay.
I had a lot more written before, but then I x-ed out the window by accident...

But from what I've written, do you think this is an abusive relationship? I mean, when I write it all out like that it seems pretty ****ing obvious, but at the same time I think I'm overreacting (at least my bf tells me I do. he tells me I'm lucky he's not some jerk because he would have "already bashed my head in by now") Remember that when he does this stuff and says this stuff he's always really mad about something and it's not like he just does it for no reason.

But please, give me your opinion on the situation. I'm already planning on telling him we need to take a break today. I'm kinda scared to see how that's going to go But hopefully things will be alright.

[blue]

hey,
put downs,name calling, belitilling, controlling, vocaly and physically abusive, manipulative these are all abusive behaviors.

first and formost this realtionship is dangerous get out you said that you will be breaking up with him girl do NOT i repeat do NOT do this alone tell someone you are going to need the support and i dont want him to hurt you. what makes you think if he has pushed you that he wont freak out on you and hurt you. you dont wnat this...its time to go dont let him manipulate you anymore he does it because he knows he can..do whatever it takes to stand yp for yourself i know that its hard do not make anymore excuses for his behavior no one deserved to be trated the way he treats you.
sephora you are so not overreating! you need to react and take action here.

I'm lucky he's not some jerk because he would have "already bashed my head
in by now") Remember that when he does this stuff and says this stuff he's always really mad about something and it's not like he just does it for no reason. is this what youare waiting for? no honey abuse is abuse verbal mental physical emotional do not wait around for this guy to hit you! does anyone you know no abou this? are you sacred about telling him you would like to break up? Ask for help dont do this alone!

[decaffeinated]

What blue said. This relationship is extremely abusive. There is such a thing as verbal and emotional abuse - physical isn't the only kind. You said he has anger mangement problems? Funny, so do I. And I know for a fact that the angrier we get, the less control we have. It's possible you just haven't pissed him off enough to hit you yet, but once you do, it's going to be easier for him to keep hitting you. Pushing is a sign of physical aggression, which tells me hitting isn't out of the question at all.

My advice: GET OUT NOW. No relationship is worth your dignity and/or safety. Your significant other should be supporting you and making you feel good about yourself, not telling you you're a useless ex-whore, and nothing without him. Dump the bastard. You deserve better.

[KirstyM]

^^ Theyre both right. Yes it is an abusive relationship and no you most certainly are not over reacting. Get out now - as blue said, dont break up with him alone incase he loses his temper, have somebody there with you, or in the next room or something. Good luck.

[loveisbitrsweet]

take this advice from experience..this is only the beggining of what he is capable of doing to you! reading your post, I felt like I was reading about myself 2 years ago except I didnt listen when it got to the point your at with him...and yes once he can push you and hold you down, then he will go a little farther each time. My ex did this to me to the point that I was hiding my bruises, strangle marks, black eyes and bloody lips from people because I thought I "loved" him..anyone who can physically or mentally hurt you like that does not love you, they dont know what love is, its another way to control some of their life because they arent in control of other parts. I really really hope you listen to us and get out of this now, I didnt listen and ended up almost dead a few times...when I was at the point your at, I thought "he wont go any farther, this is the worst hell do"..its just denial, please talk to someone about this, and if you have to get a restraining order on him, or write him a letter instead of telling him in person you want to break up, because he may just go over the edge..please leave this guy for good

[decaffeinated]

I didnt listen and ended up almost dead a few times...when I was at the point your at, I thought "he wont go any farther, this is the worst hell do"..its just denial

Reading stories like yours makes my blood boil. Men like this don't deserve the air they breathe, much less the chance after chance their unfortunate victims give them.

I'm glad you finally gained your freedom.

[sephora85]

alright well we were supposed to get together today and talk but he was being stupid about driving to see me (a whole 10-15min drive. just horrible.) and i couldn't wait any longer so we just talked on the phone. i think it worked out bettter that way. i was able to tell him stuff that has been bothering me about him forever without being worried about what he would do. so i think it went pretty well. we left it on taking a break for a long time... and i think we both know it's over, but it's just much nicer to say it that way. at least i know it's over. i really hope so and i think that it is, but this is not the first time we have broken up. i hope it's final. i don't want to get too optimistic! but anyways, thats my story...

[Jenrick285]

I'm sorry to read that last post.

But I don't think thats the type of relationship you imagined to have when you two first got together no? Granted people change over time, but I'm pretty sure if I went up to some chick and on our first date I did that, I'm not quite too sure if she'll go out with me on the second date, ya think? =)

There's oogles of folks out there to meet, and invest your time into, that'll match what you want I'm sure

[blue]

Well im glad that the conversation was on the phone and not in person. Do not go back to this guy please! No matter what he says or the promises that i know he will try to make or how good the sex is do NOT go back, stay strong because abuse of any kind is a nasty visous cycle!. He will not change. Do not let him brain wash you, manipulate you, sweet talk you it will be all bullshit as you may know from the past. This too is also abuse!
Stand Your Ground

You will see in time that you are worth it! You are WORTH EVERYTHING and that you do not deserve this crap from anyone. We are all here if and when you need any kind of support. You are not alone this is not your fault. Please take care.

Sincierly,
Blue

[sephora85]

First of all, thanks so much to everyone who responded to this. It's not like my friends aren't here for me, but they really just do not understand the situation which makes it even harder for me because I really need people to talk this out with and get things figured out.
Today we talked again... he called me. He was just being a total jerk and telling me that I lied to him and that he never wanted a relationship in the first place (ok, the guy practically stalked me for a month before I finally decided to acknowledge he was alive lol) and just all this other stupid shit. I know he's saying it because he's hurt. He is seriously the most insecure person I know and I don't know how I didn't see it before. Yes, I feel bad for him because of that but I'm really through putting up with it. I HOPE. I don't want to jinx myself. I always say its all over and then the next day... but I really do feel differently about it this time and in no way do I want to be with him (when before I wanted to and just knew I shouldn't) so I'm really going to try not to go back to him. I won't go back to him. I think this week is going to be hard, but I have plans to go visit friends this weekend (that I haven't seen in FOREVER) and I really think that will help, because that is not something he would have let me do...

Anyways, thanks again guys. This probably sounds super lame but it really does mean a lot that you all, who don't even know me, cared enough to respond. I'm going to keep updating you (like it or not lol), it's really helping me to have to sort out my thoughts enough to write them down and then of course hearing what you all have to say about it is great too.
Goodnight!

[Jenrick285]

It's good to hear =)

I'm sure your friends must miss your company, and now you can make up for all the lost time