Men with kids

[BoredGeorge]

I find it laughable that so many of you are attacking Vash for actually *getting it right* and providing not only a stable home, but a stable TWO parent home. She even did it for her non-biologic children, which is a marvel when you consider it. Only a stupid person would antagonize her. Personally, if I were a single parent, I'd be wanting to know how she managed it.

I think there are a lot of couples who could have sucked it up for their kids sake who selfishly choose not to. I dunno that's anyone here, but its certainly true for a lot of young couples who were perhaps not truly ready to have a child.

The data is clear: unless there is clear abuse or otherwise damaging influences (e.g. drugs or criminal behaviour), then a child is usually more healthy (and wealthy!) if they grow up in a two-parent household. If you are a single parent then you have to make the best of the situation, but that's not the same as it being the best situation.

In examining the negative impacts on children more closely, the study discovered that it was only the children in very high-conflict homes who benefited from the conflict removal that divorce may bring. In lower-conflict marriages that end in divorce — and the study found that perhaps as many as two thirds of the divorces were of this type — the situation of the children was made much worse following a divorce. Based on the findings of this study, therefore, except in the minority of high-conflict marriages it is better for the children if their parents stay together and work out their problems than if they divorce.

Agreed. You stay together for the sake of the children. YOu don't marry someone and have their kids and then divorce that person because you get sick of him.

I don't have much respect for women who initiate divorces when there is no physical abuse involved.

Then they expect the father, and the world to give them hand outs and special treatement because they got sick of the man the said the loved. Disgusting in my opinion.

[BoredGeorge]

A person with kids can only really date another person with kids. Yes I'd have sex with a single mum but that is about all.

[qwertz]

Agreed. You stay together for the sake of the children. YOu don't marry someone and have their kids and then divorce that person because you get sick of him.

I don't have much respect for women who initiate divorces when there is no physical abuse involved.

Then they expect the father, and the world to give them hand outs and special treatement because they got sick of the man the said the loved. Disgusting in my opinion.

another one...jeez. I wasnt married but initiated the split- no physical abuse. Damn im a bad mum

Really? ^ you just assume... i do neither of them..and neither do alot of other single parents.

[BoredGeorge]

another one...jeez. I wasnt married but initiated the split- no physical abuse. Damn im a bad mum

Really? ^ you just assume... i do neither of them..and neither do alot of other single parents.

I never said you, I said if a woman initiates the split she is doing wrong by the children.

I am sorry if this offends you but you should also know that I think everyone makes mistakes..so I don't blame you for being what you are.

[qwertz]

Yes and im a woman and I initiated the split so i took it to include me.

I didnt make any mistake where the split/my son was involved.

[Perryville]

Misombra , Your post was both insulting and judgemental, without any knowledge of my situation, or any concern for the conditions I faced with my ex-wife. You and the other posters , who reek of self-righteousness, are attempting to justify an uncharitable and arbitrary position, by attacking and blaming single parents. I hope you are a church-goer, because you certainly need it.

[vashti]

Oh yes, the church will solve all your problems, misombra! (even though I'm pretty sure the church would agree with your position.)

[misombra]

my church does agree with my position! don't know what church perry's going to. perhaps he found one where's there's no judgemental people.

[Primo]

As a rule of thumb families should try to stick together and single parents should try to date other single parents. There's always exceptions and other circumstance, that's what makes life so wonderfully unique

[Perryville]

IDK, but I think that the whole "golden Rule", thing, about judging is where you folks miss out. The lack of understanding is your own issue.

[Perryville]

BTW, my church doesn't believe in insulting and condemning people without knowing their situation, does yours?

[Gribble]

BTW, my church doesn't believe in insulting and condemning people without knowing their situation, does yours?

What's your church's stance on gay marriage?

[Perryville]

IDK, it has never come up.

[azilin]

In examining the negative impacts on children more closely, the study discovered that it was only the children in very high-conflict homes who benefited from the conflict removal that divorce may bring. In lower-conflict marriages that end in divorce — and the study found that perhaps as many as two thirds of the divorces were of this type — the situation of the children was made much worse following a divorce. Based on the findings of this study, therefore, except in the minority of high-conflict marriages it is better for the children if their parents stay together and work out their problems than if they divorce.

There is some dispute about these findings, but even those who dispute them would probably for the most part acknowledge that a high conflict home is not as good for kids as a low conflict home.

However, something that most people fail to factor in is that the divided loyalties between the household of the father and the mother, plus the logistical and emotional difficulties that constantly moving back and forth between these homes produces, is a problem all unto itself. Also something many parents don't consider is that eventually one or both parents are apt to remarry (especially the man) and then another person, the new spouse, comes into the picture -- one who may for instance find the ex very threatening, or treat your kids unfairly / badly, or expose them to habits / behaviors you disapprove of mightily.

For more on this, see the book Between Two Worlds. I'm not arguing for or against divorce, simply pointing out that it's frigging complicated, in ways most people don't realize.

[qwertz]

There is some dispute about these findings, but even those who dispute them would probably for the most part acknowledge that a high conflict home is not as good for kids as a low conflict home.

However, something that most people fail to factor in is that the divided loyalties between the household of the father and the mother, plus the logistical and emotional difficulties that constantly moving back and forth between these homes produces, is a problem all unto itself. Also something many parents don't consider is that eventually one or both parents are apt to remarry (especially the man) and then another person, the new spouse, comes into the picture -- one who may for instance find the ex very threatening, or treat your kids unfairly / badly, or expose them to habits / behaviors you disapprove of mightily.

For more on this, see the book Between Two Worlds. I'm not arguing for or against divorce, simply pointing out that it's frigging complicated, in ways most people don't realize.

This is something that has occurred to me, but i guess its something i will have to deal with if/when it happens..I would be lying if i said it doesnt concern me slightly.