woman problem :/

[niknik19]

my situation is giving me a lot of grief right now! could use any help you lot can give.

Bit of info - im 20 shes 18 and we been together for a year and a half. 1st love for both of us.

Basically we been arguing a lot recently and me signing up to the navy (leave in 7 months time) is what rocked the boat to begin with. (pardon the pun)

This has caused a fair bit of stress, since then she has pushed me into getting engaged, she doesn’t like it when I go see my mates, she is very needy and distrusting and the BIG prob…she announces she wants a baby!

I know why she is doing these things, because she loves me, and she thinks me leaving will be the end of our relationship so shes trying to make sure that I come back to her! Sealing the deal if you will and I should prob feel flattered but I really don’t, its ruining our relationship.

It doesent help that she has pushed most of her friends away, she would rather spend every waking moment with me! Again very flattering but I cant be doing with it! I need space and friends! And my god she needs her friends more than anything! Her friends are the ones that will be keeping her chin up when I leave.

As for the baby thing…well im not silly, I cant seriously have a baby, what kind of father would I be if 1. I cant actually financially support it and 2. I not there to see it! Its ridiculous and shes doing it for all the wrong reasons! Selfish reasons. This scares me a bit because shes on the pill and its all in her control, I use condoms but well they can be sabotaged if she was to sink so low, and of course there the other possibility she gets another man to do the work! I trust her, but desperate times and all that…im just bit more careful.

Now don’t get me wrong, I love her to bits and I know this might sound a bit mean but I think she loves me more than I do her. Sounds so bad but her love for me is almost obsessive!

If im being honest, I don’t think we will last when I leave, and iv come to terms with the possibility of us breaking up, but the navy is a must and I want her to be happy weather its waiting for me to come home, or finding another man.

Im just stuck really, I cant live like this but equally I cant hurt her, I couldn’t endure it. My ultimate goal would be to stop the petty arguments. To get her to trust me and be a bit more outgoing and less dependant on me. To stop this baby nonsense and to give me blow jobs more often (that would be a bonus, not essential.)

Any advice you lot can give me would be most appreciated.

[girl68]

RUN! Far, far away...

[kms]

She is obsessive. She's also controlling and manipulative. She has some serious attachment issues that need to be worked through with a counselor. Makes me wonder what happened to her as a kid (abandonment, abuse, etc.) to cause her to be unable to form healthy relationships. But, the thing is, this is her issue, not yours. Her attempts at trying to get engaged, married, have a baby, are all desperate shots at getting you to NOT leave and stay with her. You're right that the relationship probably wouldn't survive long once you leave; she'd probably drive you crazy, argue with you all the time, pout, cry, talk about how lonely she is, or even go as far as to try to make you jealous... you'd be worn out, worried, and stressed about the relationship instead of being calm, happy, and hopeful about it. That's not what you need.

[niknik19]

Thank you, you have put this into prospective for me. I think it is best I finish this relationship but the problem now is how? I mean I can see her having a nervous breakdown if I just ended it and the last thing I want to do is hurt her. I’m in no rush to end it so I can happily wait until I leave and let our relationship end this way, otherwise I have no idea how to do it. How do you finish someone who is obsessed with you in the least hurtful way?