Confused..:(

[Mister.P]

Hey..

I've been with my girl for 2 years now, but this last month has been extremely bad. I don't know what has happened recently but I just feel messed up in the head and I'm getting increasingly jealous when she is around other lads. I know she wouldn't do anything with them but I just get jealous that she is with them, she has always had close boy mates. Lately my feelings towards that are worse then usual. Another thing is I don't know why, but I started smoking 2 months ago. This ended up badly, arguments and such. I promised her I wouldn't smoke again, and I stopped for 3 weeks then this recent week I have started again, and I think she knows I have, she smells it on me and I lie to her saying I haven't smoked, I keep promising and breaking them. I don't know what has got into me these days. I do love her alot, and if I tell her I am smoking again I am afraid I will lose her . I am confused. I don't know what to do. She is going to leave me if she founds out. But I just don't know anymore.

[lahnnabell]

So, something in this last month has changed it seems. Do you have any idea what it is? School stress, family issues, anything? Or has she decided to suddenly spend more time with her guy friends? If this is a sudden decision, I can see how it would make you uneasy.

As for smoking, that is your decision. I recently quit. Then I quit again. And again. It's been tough. My guy isn't happy about the habit, but he's supportive in my efforts to continuously get rid of it and doesn't chastise me for backsliding. Your anxiety over possibly losing her because of your smoking seems to be fueling the habit more.

You guys sound pretty young. Am I right?

[Mister.P]

Yes, we are 17.

Erm, I am not sure if its actually the smoking, maybe its the constant lieing I do to cover it up. I know she doesnt want me to smoke and I should listen to her right?

A month back we had a fallout and she said to me its either me or the fags. What would you say about that?

[lahnnabell]

Well, sounds like smoking is a deal breaker for her. Everyone has those few standard lines that they don't want crossed. She made it clear to you what she expected, so that was good on her part. I take it you are now worried that you've blown it all because of your smoking, AND lying about it?

Normally, I would say its immature to issue ultimatums for such situations (because smoking is a decision you made about your body). However, she DID tell you how she felt about it, and you did promise to stop. Do you really want to stop smoking?

If you decide to come clean, it may help your chances if you ask for her help. Say, "Look, I know I lied. I feared what would happen between us because you said you'd break up with me. I realized I can't quite on my own, and I need your help." If she decides to stick it out, hopefully she will be supportive. Most girls at 17 have a tendency to be spiteful and immature though.

How do you think it'll go? You know her better than I do.

[Mister.P]

Thing is, its not the first time I have lied about it to her. Basically history is repeating itself.

I really want to stop smoking, yes.

Erm, I really hope she doesn't leave me. I don't think I would be able to cope with that.

I will tell her that I am smoking again. I will be honest and stop lieing. She will lose her trust for me though and thats hard to build back. But, yes, knowing her, I think she will stick by me. She loves me alot and I think she will forgive me. Well, I HOPE she does. Fingers crossed.

[lahnnabell]

Good luck! No more lying!! I can tell you that one of the biggest issues with couples is lying. Don't start with that sh*t now as it's only going to mean trouble for you later on.

Yeah, you're gonna have some trust issues. She may need constant reassurance from you about whether or not you've been buying cigarettes, smoking, etc.

But the bigger problem with lying is that once you start, the other person begins to wonder what else you could being lying about.

[Mister.P]

Yes, I will stop lieing. I know I shouldn't lie to her. I always hate myself for doing it.


Thank you for the help, I appreciate it.

I will let you know how it goes some other day.

Cya.