what should I do?

[headamess]

Only been going out a few months with girl. She told me last week she had doubts about the strength of her feelings for me and needed a few weeks to think about it. I'm really very upset about it as I think its over. She's going to phone this weekend but I'm not sure what good it will do to speak to her. Should I just text her to say I think its over? I don't want it to be but I want to save myself from any more heartache than I feel right now. I'm very confused as she say she still fancies me and enjoys spending time with me but this doesn't seem to be enough.

[girl68]

If you're going to tell her it's over don't be a pussy and tell her. Texting is the pussiest way out.

[headamess]

You're totally right it is. I would never normally do it - its just the thought of her phoning me and confirming its over is more than I can take. Really I'm trying to pre-empt what she will do this weekend. But I think I just need to accept that what will be will be. I just feel a chump sitting waiting for her to phone me.

[girl68]

Then just prepare yourself for the worst. Consider it over in your mind, and when she calls you will have been expecting the news anyhow.

That or you call and tell her that she need not call... because you believe that it is already over.

[headamess]

I didn't end up texting and what I thought would happen has happened and she just phoned. I intended not to answer straight away but I didn't think she'd ring this early on and just answered without giving it much thought.

It felt really strange and distant - it feels like whatever we have has gone. Her feelings haven't changed. She's still unsure. She thinks either she doesn't know me well enough and hence can't feel that close to me or that she's not ready for a relationship at the mo. She doesn't seem to be able to say whether its over yet but says she can't meet with a guarantee that she'll be willing to give it a go. But she wants to meet. She sounded annoyed when I wasn't sure about meeting and I just wanted to end it on the phone if it wasn't going anywhere.

I know she is mucking me about big style but it was horrible speaking on the phone and part of me thinks we do need to meet so at least it can feel like we're finishing with each other as real people.

I need the strength from somewhere to say its over as I know it is but its difficult when its not me that wants to finish it.

[girl68]

Just say it's over. All she's going to do is toy with you.

[lovedoctor007]

End your relationship with her because it is clearly she just plays sick games with your minds. This is not the kind of relationship you would want, you deserve somebody better than her

[kms]

She probably really likes you as a person but just isn't that attracted to you. I've been there before. I really liked the guy but just wasn't that attracted to him. It's unfortunate... it's not anything you can control though. It's better that she was straight with you early on instead of trying to hide it and keep going with you in hopes that she would eventually start feeling attracted to you. It's better anyway - obviously you wouldn't want to be with someone who doesn't feel the same way.

[carl1222]

She probably really likes you as a person but just isn't that attracted to you. I've been there before. I really liked the guy but just wasn't that attracted to him. It's unfortunate... it's not anything you can control though. It's better that she was straight with you early on instead of trying to hide it and keep going with you in hopes that she would eventually start feeling attracted to you. It's better anyway - obviously you wouldn't want to be with someone who doesn't feel the same way.

I'm not buying it, kms. What kind of person gets into a relationship with someone they aren't attracted to in the hopes that the attraction will come later? I can't think of anything more reckless! "Ooops, sorry ... good luck with the pain."

Headamess, you don't owe her a meeting and there is little else to discuss. Unraveling the mess she created is a much better use of your time and emotion.

Carl.

[kms]

^ lol. wow, seriously?? People get into relationships for allllll sorts of reasons. To be popular, or desperate to be with someone, or because everyone thinks they should be together, or for the money (that's a big one). In my case the guy was nice, we got along really well, had a lot in common, he had all the things on my 'list', he was good looking... I did feel attracted to him initially, like for a week, but then it faded and I spent the rest of the time trying to get it back somehow.

Especially when you're young and clueless about love and life in general, it's easy to find yourself in these types of situations.

[headamess]

I think she was genuinely trying not to screw me over by telling me. We met and have decided to try to work on things. But my experience of meeting her twice since then is that its probably not going to work. The magic isn't there anymore and it feels very different knowing she isn't into me like I thought. I'm almost as gutted that this is the case as her telling me she wasn't sure. I don't regret meeting her, not yet anyway, as the texting thing would have been cowardly. I know we're both dragging it out but I think both of us would really like it to work. If only it was that simple

[headamess]

Update: she finished it today and don't I feel an idiot. I was aware it wasn't great but still wanted to give it a bit more time. Way to let myself get hurt twice. PS I knew all the advice about cutting loose was best but unfortunately you don't always do what's best. Also I now think the text might have been a good idea as she practically ended it by text - told me she had some bad news and wasn't coming through tonight as expected. Anyway I'm hurting and just want to get this off my chest.

[shheadz]

I'm not buying it, kms. What kind of person gets into a relationship with someone they aren't attracted to in the hopes that the attraction will come later?

It's not uncommon to be initially attracted to someone, and then lose it. Often times very quickly. This seems to happen with women the most. Their attraction towards a man seems to go deeper than his physical appearance. A woman can be attracted to a man's strength and confidence, and then a month into the relationship find out he's really weak and insecure. Poof.. the attraction is gone.