Heartbroken and Dumped, PLEASE HELP

[Layzie1207]

My girlfriend and I were going out for 3 years, and she loved me to death for a very long time. I was immature and took her for granted and treated her badly, and for a long time she wasn't happy in our relationship, but I did love her I just didnt know what it meant. My first week in college she called and said that she wanted to break up with me, and I couldnt take it at all. I refused to believe it was over and I fell desperately in love with her. I realized how much I loved her and how I realized that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. She always wanted me to feel this way about her and I finally did, but instead of seeing how much I loved her she truly didnt love me anymore. She said she had a revelation that she didnt love me in a relationship way anymore after a long time of waning feelings. I tried everything to get her to love me and showed her how much I loved her by doing everything I could, but she couldnt force herself to love me and now she wants me to move on. She wants me to not think that its going to happen with her and she wants me to move on from her, but she still wants to be best friends. I didnt realize that i was actually being dumped until about 2 months after this all started and everyday I would freak out and she was too scared to tell me the truth, and I just kept pushing her far away to the point where she is terrified of me. I realize now exactly what she wanted from the beginning which was for me to let go of her, but I really didnt believe she wanted that, I thought she wanted me to change into loving her, because she loved me like I love her now for a very long time, and I am having a hard time grasping why she doesnt want me now that I am the way she had always dreamed I'd be. I realize that if i ever have a chance with her again is that if I move on and am a whole person and healthy again, but I am having a very hard time moving on because I cant believe that I started loving her like this and now she doesnt want me to love her. She said that she wants to have an amazing friendship with me after I've moved on from her, but right now I only see myself moving on in order to get another chance at a relationship. I see myself saying to myself, 'ok, if you get better and become the friend that she wants and be her best friend in the entire world, and be her friend to be her friend, then its only a matter of time until she falls in love with you again." I keep thinking that but I also feel like im setting myself up, but I am heartbroken because I never got a chance to love her feeling this way and I hate myself for taking her for granted for so long. I also think about her loving me and our most intimate moments and her doing that with someone else and it just kills me, and I dont understand why she can't love me now that I am like this. But I know that I would have never changed into this person unless she did break up with me. Please help me sort out my feelings, because I dont know what to do and Im scared that the only way I am going to get better is to bank on the fact that if Im her best friend she will fall in love with me again. I want to move on, but I still want to move on in a way that I still want to be with her, while being ok not being with her.

[manonfire]

if you still love her.. i think it would be best not to be a close friend, unless it would lead somewhere. it would just hurt you more when you saw her going out with other guys.

[appleCore]

If you love her so much focus on your feelings of compassion and respect toward her. In this way you will find it easier to feel OK about her decision because you can focus on the fact that she is only doing what she hopes will make her happy. It may be that she changes her mind and believes that you will make her happy again but you can not torture yourself by running over and over that possibility in your head. If it happens it should feel right for her too, and as hard as it is to accept it you can not force someone to want you as much as you want them. A three year relationship is long enough to make it very hurtful when it ends. Try and realise that life does go on and this kind of thing happens to everyone at some point. Also, try to focus on what you have learned from the relationship. Realise it wasn't a waste and you haven't lost everything. If you feel that you may have made some mistakes (such as taking her for granted) just feel good that you will avoid making them in the future. At least you will have taken something from a bad situation. And as for the lovestuck feelings, it's a terrible cliche and sometimes hard to believe, but it's really true that there are "plenty more fish in the sea" (sorry, but that helped me feel better when my boyfriend dumped me...).
Good luck : )

[kronos51]

Almost excatly the same thing has happened to me, today in fact. My girlfriend has tried to break up about 3 or 4 times before though, so at this point I have taken the view that I love her to death, but fighting it isnt going to do any good, its just going to piss her off that I'm trying to force her to get back with me. I would say that I am not ready to move on, and you dont appear to be either, but you just have to be honest with yourself and her. If she does love you then she will talk to you and maybe things will work out. If not then your love should allow you to let her go.

I dont suggest being a close friend without being completely honest. My girlfriend (or maybe ex) was and is my best friend, but when you have a relationship for this long it changes things, you cant go back to being normal friends. I told her that I would love to stay friends, but only if she can accept that I still love her and only if she can accept me telling her this. It is not a good policy to pretend that you are over her and try to stay friends, because that will mostly likely lead to you getting more hurt.

Bottom line, if she really loves you everything will work out, and if not then time heals all wounds (even if it takes a long time)

[FIFA04]

I feel your pain. I am in the same situation, but maybe even deeper since we were in a 3 year relationship and we actually lived together for the whole time! Basically the same story, not being the person she wanted me to be, not paying enough attention etc. I would have to say i've learned alot. I love her to death now that she ended it so it makes it hard on me. I'm taking the approach of giving her space. Not intruding on her life. Emailing her occationally to say whats up, and find out how things are. I think if you take that approach, she'll let you know if she's interested in getting back together or not. ANd if she hooks up with another guy you'll just have to back off. Stay in contact by email occationally but not too much. Then live your own life. I think if she sees you have a life again outside of her, she will try to make contact again. That whole beggining of a relationship were you both chase each other around is exciting. Girls like that and some only live for that feeling! Getting that vibe back I think is the key.

[Layzie1207]

thank you, i really screwed up by going to far, but now i realize how i acted and why she stopped loving me, i just wish there was a way i could show her that i know that ill never act like that again

[Layzie1207]

thank you, i really screwed up by going to far, but now i realize how i acted and why she stopped loving me, i just wish there was a way i could show her that i know that ill never act like that again

i just kind of feel like the boy who cried wolf, any ideas?

[Heddy]

I dunno if it's true for everybody but i'm not really sure people can really full out of love. After me and my guy broke up i tryed my hardest but here i am 7 months later and still prone to bursting into tears coz i miss him so much. So have hope she may still love you and just need time to forgive you.

[touchmenot]

How to let go is an art which few people learn.
I had been with my ex for over 3yrs. at that time, i thought it was the end of the world, but now i get over it. He's my best friend with whom i share everything