asking him to take a break

[sephora85]

I've been with my boyfriend for over a year now. For the most part, our relationship is awesome. However, things have started to fall apart since we've gone away to college this year. He gets really angry and jealous when I want to go out with my friends. He thinks I want to go out to meet guys, but I just want to go out to have a good time with my girlfriends. He just doesn't get it!
I don't want to totally break things off with him, but I think we should take a break and kind of go our seperate ways for a little while. I'm kind of at a point in my life where I don't know what I want or where I'm going and I need some time to just do what I want and just be me without worrying about such a commitment.
I can really see us having an awesome future together but I think if we stay together right now we're just going to end up getting in a nasty fight and ending it for good. He's very jealous and possessive, so I'm afraid about how he's going to react when I tell him I think we need a break. How would you tell him?

[Tomek]

Yea i feel his pain :s he loves u very much thats why his jelous, he cant get enough of you and doesnt want to lose u to some guy. hes also jelous because his not there with u

his possessive? thats probably because "again" he love u very much and just worship u ...telling him to take a break "might" end it? i dont know but it probably will hurt him :s badluck

[sephora85]

This is where I run into problems... I know he loves me very very much. I feel the same way about him. I just feel like I really need some time apart right now, I think in the long run it's really the right thing to do with our relationship. I would just like to note that we have some problems as far as his jealousy, lack of trust, and his really controlling personality. I think sometimes our relationship even borders on abuse. I think that a little break (even maybe just until the end of the semester) might help us both out. I'm not sure though... I don't want to lose him for good but at the same time we're not in a really healthy relationship right now and maybe it is best to end it... I just don't know...

[Tomek]

Humm sounds like a tough cookie >_<, if he respects ur wishes and acts, then u should tell him to take a break i guess, But ensure him that u dont want to lose him for good, and make it all nice & sweet that u dont have any interest with other guys but him, that should make him feel more comfortable ^_^

But at the end of the day its your call

ps. i just read ur introducing urself and i noticed that u guys been goin on and off....im no or pimp, but if i was a girl and in ur position..ill just tell him to take a break for a while :]

[bluestrattos]

i really don't know what's the kindest way to tell a guy that loves you to take a break, and i think he'll not accept that very well. The perfect quote that your boyfriend should know belongs to the song "have you ever really loved a woman" from Bryan Adams --> "To really love a woman, ... give her wings when she wants to fly." Try to explain that to him, tell that you love him but you also want to learn more things, and knowing other people want make you love him less.

[squirrley]

You could also come from the standpoint of its you not him, dont point fingers or point blame or fault. Let him know youre at a point in your life where you need to figure things out for YOUR life. Dont say..."its not you, or this has nothing to do with you, thats been exhausted. Just keep it simple get to the point and dont drag it out, and dont let him drag out. And I dont necessarily agree with the fact that being in love with someone constitutes and allows excessice jealousy. There is a fine line of having some jealousy now and again, but not constant. His trust issues and all the things you describe about him, are INSECURITY. IF you dont have trust or communication in a relationship its doomed. He also sounds like he's very dependant on you which is also not healthy. Its fine to be co-dependant for certain things, but that goes with time and in a strong healthy relationship, which he doesnt get.

Let him know in order for you to grow as a strong individual you'd like to take some time for yourself, figure yourself out, etc. Try to keep all things said in a positive manner and keep out anything negative. Thats what I suggest. Yes, expect him to be freaked out and probably angry, hurt, upset, all those nasty emotions everyone hates. But if you handle it in a strong mature matter he might(small chance) be ok. But be prepared to stand ground. He will do or say what he has to to keep you and this relationship. But he has to grow as well, as individuals and then come back together healthy knowing what each of you wants for yourselves and your future.

Goodluck!

[sephora85]

You could also come from the standpoint of its you not him, dont point fingers or point blame or fault. Let him know youre at a point in your life where you need to figure things out for YOUR life. Dont say..."its not you, or this has nothing to do with you, thats been exhausted. Just keep it simple get to the point and dont drag it out, and dont let him drag out. And I dont necessarily agree with the fact that being in love with someone constitutes and allows excessice jealousy. There is a fine line of having some jealousy now and again, but not constant. His trust issues and all the things you describe about him, are INSECURITY. IF you dont have trust or communication in a relationship its doomed. He also sounds like he's very dependant on you which is also not healthy. Its fine to be co-dependant for certain things, but that goes with time and in a strong healthy relationship, which he doesnt get.

Let him know in order for you to grow as a strong individual you'd like to take some time for yourself, figure yourself out, etc. Try to keep all things said in a positive manner and keep out anything negative. Thats what I suggest. Yes, expect him to be freaked out and probably angry, hurt, upset, all those nasty emotions everyone hates. But if you handle it in a strong mature matter he might(small chance) be ok. But be prepared to stand ground. He will do or say what he has to to keep you and this relationship. But he has to grow as well, as individuals and then come back together healthy knowing what each of you wants for yourselves and your future.

Goodluck!

Thanks squirrley, good advice. Now I just have to actually do it! Thats always the hard part. I'm going to see him tommorrow so I'm going to try to do it then. I'll let you all know how it goes! Thanks everyone.

[ibby]

I've been with my boyfriend for over a year now. For the most part, our relationship is awesome. However, things have started to fall apart since we've gone away to college this year. He gets really angry and jealous when I want to go out with my friends. He thinks I want to go out to meet guys, but I just want to go out to have a good time with my girlfriends. He just doesn't get it!
I don't want to totally break things off with him, but I think we should take a break and kind of go our seperate ways for a little while. I'm kind of at a point in my life where I don't know what I want or where I'm going and I need some time to just do what I want and just be me without worrying about such a commitment.
I can really see us having an awesome future together but I think if we stay together right now we're just going to end up getting in a nasty fight and ending it for good. He's very jealous and possessive, so I'm afraid about how he's going to react when I tell him I think we need a break. How would you tell him?

The reason for his jealously is simple. He's insecure with himself. If you make him feel confident rather then telling him you're just going out with friends, prove it to him. One night when your friends plan a night to go out, blow them off and tell him you're coming to see him instead. That will ensure his position in the relationship. Then he will gain trust, and this won't be a matter any longer. Also, maybe you do need time to get away and be free, but by ending the relationship simply because you're confused, could hurt any chances for a future relationship. Either way good luck..

[kronos51]

I agree with ibby wholeheartedly. In my experience and my vicarious experiences through friends the break never works. It's either together, or broken up really. You may consider yourself just on "break" but he will not know what that means. There's a good chance he will be even more jealous and hurt because he will think you want to date other guys or that you don't really love him but are just too afraid to go all the way to breaking up.

I think ibby has it right. All you have to do is calm his insecurities by showing him he is still important to you. Choosing him over your friends every once in a while will make him more accepting of them and make him feel less threatened by them. My girlfriend (or possibly ex at this point) and I had a similar problem, but she just communicated well to me that I was still more important to her than her friends, but she just needed to spend time with them too, and it helped me feel alot better.

But good luck in whatever you decide

[abercromqt20]

anyway honey you have to go through with this break. b.c it's what you want. if you don't it will just cause alot of problems in your relationship. i know alot of times breaks start out as just break, but end up with you never getting back together. but that's just because you took the time out to sit back and analyze everything. if you want to get back together after that then get back together, if not..... then it's better you found it out now. you can't stay in this situation right now if u aren't 100% into it. so do what u need to do, and i really believe if it's meant to be it will be. So good luck in whatever you decide to do... and then us know how it works out!

[blue]

isnt this the guy thats physically abusive, verbally and menatlly?

[abercromqt20]

i didnt know all of that.... you have to give us more details!

[blue]

[url]http://www.loveforum.net/showthread.php?t=4467[/url]

[abercromqt20]

man.... girl you just need to make a clean break from this one.