Need some help with this short-distance relationship

[Tidus0515]

Ok, I met this girl online about 2 months ago and we hit it off and started dating. She lives 50 miles away. She works during the week and has weekends off so I try to go up on the weekends. We are VERY into each other and have already agreed to get together as soon as I graduate from college to eliminate the distance. This will happen in 1 more semester. So the current situation is developing a relationship with 50 miles apart. Now this girl is very independent. She is 26 (I am 22) and she has a career already established. I have a son whom I will gain custody of soon and she has so far overlooked that.

Here is the current issue. Everything has been great so far, but I am starting to sense maybe that she feels our relationship is too smothering. This past weekend I went to go see her and took my child with me since I had him. Well he didn't behave his best and I could see it was frustrating my gf (as it was me). Later I had a chance to talk to her about things (when the boy was with his grandmas house) and she was telling me that she feels bad because she does not have patience around my son when he is having a fit. That she feels guilty for her frustration. She then apologized for being lazy. What I mean by lazy is that she never comes to see me: I always go to see her. I have requested her to see me but she makes excuses like she doesn't drive well, but I have seen her drive and she is ok. Well she apologized to me and told me she doesn't want me to feel hurt that she doesn't go that it is only that her parents raised her to believe the guy should be the one visiting. She seemed emotional in this apology and her eyes got watery because she knows sometimes I get frustrated.

Then something else left her lips. She mentioned how she is really tired and that she was so used to her routine before she met me. She would have the weekend to relax and do her things and now she seems very caught up in a situation to where she has no time for herself. Up until this point things have been great but now I am extremely concerned. I believe I love this girl and have great potential for her. I don't mind making the visits, but I don't want to be putting a lot of pressure on her. We have talked every night and texted throughout the day, and I am thinking maybe if I ease off the texting and calling throughout the week and let her do her thing then when I see her on the weekends she will have more energy and won't feel sapped. Yesterday I didn't text her at all, and she neither texted or called me. This morning I sent her a "good morning sweetie" and she replied "to you too" and nothing else since. Can I have some light shined on this situation? I know she cares about me but I feel this relationship has caught her by surprise. What should I do? Am I putting too much space between us now? I'm kinda waiting for her to want to call and talk to me.

[lastwish]

She is probably feeling pressured to be in a committed relationship with you. If she commits to you, she will also have to be committed to your son. And that is a big commitment. Give her some space but also show that she will have a good future with you by being there for her.

[Spring Haze]

She may be independent career and monetary wise, but if she's reverting to her parents rules of dating at the age of 26, she really isn't all that emotionally independent.

Basically, she is telling you she does not want to see you, in a somewhat roundabout way. She gives no suggestions that may remedy the situation, such as cooling it for the next couple weekends, or getting together every other week. If she was really interested in working things out, in my opinion, she would've voiced her concerns to you with the intent to receive some guidance. Instead she is essentially complaining to you.

Wait to see if she initiates.

[whaywardj]

What you should have done when you got your son was cancel your weekend with her and spent it with him, alone. He didn't need (and, evidently, didn't like) to be dragged into your several days long romance with a woman who is a stranger to him, and she didn't need to experience an 'instant family' that early on in the aquaintance. Get your priorities straight. She, apparently, has hers.

[lahnnabell]

Good point, from hayward.

[lahnnabell]

She is not ready to be a mother. She likes to have her own space, and to do things at her own pace. She could do this with you alone, but your son, a child that has no regard for others at this stage in his life, complicates that for you guys. Do you even know if this woman wants children in her life?

Granted, she is rather emotionally immature if she's going to make excuses for her passive-aggressive behavior. However, she may be uncomfortable telling you the truth. How long did you wait before bringing your son into the picture? How well did you know her at that point?

[Tidus0515]

Thanks for all of your input. We have been together for almost 2 months. She had met him before but it wasn't such a heavy situation we just went to the carnival. And during the conversation that I had with her she had said something along the lines of "me and (my son) are going to always be fightining in the future." But she said it playfully. Which confuses the hell out of me. Because I don't understand why she alluded to the future if she was double guessing the relationship. It's wednesday now and still no call from her, I'm thinking of calling her but I don't want her to think I am impatient and can't give her space.