I need some advice

**chris1** · 23-12-09, 02:52 AM

Hi there, I need some advice and hopefully someone here will have the wisdom I need. There is a lot of history here so I am going to try and keep this as simple as I can. My girlfriend and I have been together now for almost 4 years. I am happier with her than I have ever been in my life, things seem to be going well for us, we just bought a house, we both have decent jobs, we are best friends. I wish though I could say I have no complaints. My girlfirend had a pretty troubled family life, he mother and well most of the females in her family are for a lack of better words nuts and really did a good job of robbing her of a normal childhood, and not showing her the love she deserved. Me on the otherhand despite my parents being divorced I had a pretty normal childhood, a lot of friends, family, and love and I think I turned out to be a pretty level headed normal, easy going guy. Our personalities most times compliment each other. I give her that anchor she needs, and show her what family, and love really is all about, she gives me the drive to do things I would normally not do, the initiative to strive for more, the support, and love that really makes me feel whole. I am planning on preposing to her on Christmas. Now I find myself not having second thoughts but being very on edge. I know we are both ready to move things to the next level but as Christmas draws closer I find myself focusing on the negative aspects of her personality and not being able to see past them like I normally do. She tends to focus on the negative things that happen in life, even when it can be expected. for instance with work, she has a very unreliable boss, and yet every time her boss does something that I think can be fully expected she gets super upset about it and dwells on it all night. Same thing with friends, the way I see it is people will inevitably dissapoint you in some way or another but most times its not intentional, and I can forgive and forget. For her she will focus on what she was dissapointed about and come up with the worst possible situations almost to make herself feel worse. I dont know if it is just the time of year, she just turned 30, or what it is but its been full force lately and I am having a super hard time dealing with it. When I try to talk to her most of what I say just gets shot down with comments like "i thought of that" or "that doesnt work because" "I can't do this/that" and I could go on and on. Its like everything I say she has to give me an immediate answer as if she's saying "your not telling me anything I dont already know and your wrong..." so then I dont say anything at all and as you can imagine that just makes things worse. I dont know I guess I feel damned if I do damned if I dont sometimes. I love her to death, and wan't her to see there are things in our life that can make her happy if she would just focus her attention on that instead of all of the negative aspects. It's all so frustrating I dont know what to do .

**NeoSeminole** · 23-12-09, 03:53 AM

the solution is simple: can you see yourself spending the rest of your life with her or not? If you have any hesitation, even for a moment, then you should hold off on asking her to marry you.

**IndiReloaded** · 23-12-09, 03:56 AM

Common guy mistake: stop trying to fix her problems. Just listen while she vents. Hold her hand or hug her and say things like 'ah, mmm, wow' as appropriate.