Dealing With Power Struggles

[shheadz]

My ex and I started fighting a lot not too early into our relationship. Looking back on it all, I think there was a constant power struggle between us, and it caused sparks. She's a spoiled child that gets whatever she wants from her parents and siblings. She's very demanding, pushy, and selfish. I'm an egotistical guy, and I don't take a lot of sh*t from people. I've always been dominate in my relationships.

So the question is, what do you do when both people in the relationship want to have things their own way, and there's a constant struggle between the two to dominate the relationship? Personally the only thing that comes to my mind is to put her in her place.. haha.. but I know that really isn't the answer.

And yes, I know compromise is an important part of healthy relationships, but we're not always going to be in perfect relationships. Sometimes that's not even what we want out of things, but certain issues like power struggles have to be dealt with for the sake of sanity.

[Graham Berkeley]

Can't answer your question. I'm an egotistical jerk sometimes in relationships but whenever I set it aside to try to compromise the GF's i've had think thats just them winning.

[whaywardj]

What's payoff you get from power-tripping one another?

[Heratriumphant]

As long as you see things from a "who wins, who loses" point of view ALL of your relationships are going to suck.

Just sayin'.

[shheadz]

What's payoff you get from power-tripping one another?

As long as you see things from a "who wins, who loses" point of view ALL of your relationships are going to suck.

It's not really about who wins or loses, or power-tripping one another. It's about simple things like picking which movie to watch. My ex always wanted things her way, and I couldn't let her do that, or she'd walk all over me. I suppose the simple answer to this question is, "Don't date a girl like that".

[whaywardj]

Brain dead. Re-read what you just wrote and tell us again it's not about who wins and who loses. You can't hear yourself for your own BS clogging up your ears. Vice-versa holds true, as well: Don't date a guy like you.

[shheadz]

Brain dead. Re-read what you just wrote and tell us again it's not about who wins and who loses. You can't hear yourself for your own BS clogging up your ears. Vice-versa holds true, as well: Don't date a guy like you.

I still don't agree. Wanting to watch a movie I like every once in a while isn't a matter of winning or losing. I'm a really laid back guy, and I let my ex have her way nearly all the time, because I honestly don't care. I'll watch whatever, listen to whatever, eat whatever, etc. However that causes problems when I do want to assert myself. Maybe there's a new movie out that I really want to see, and she doesn't. That's where the power struggle begins.

[starbuck]

Maybe you're bringing some baggage from childhood power struggles into your relationships? Do you have siblings that you fight or fought with? Or other relatives?

I only ask because the only relationship I have that has this kind of dynamic is my relationship with my sister. And when I fight with her, I know I'm being regressing into old patterns of fighting like we did when we were kids. She pushes my buttons, I push hers back, etc.,

No offense, Sheadz, but power struggles in dating relationships are childish. I don't think they exist in healthy, working relationships. If they do, perhaps one or both parties have not matured enough emotionally to have an functional partnership with another person.