Long relationship/I relocated, did she dump me over a fight or was I used?

[Mythical]

Well first to go into details, I am involved in a long distance relationship and ended up meeting this girl in real life. She is 26, legally married, and has a child. She lives in Chicago and I am from Florida but moved to get out of Florida and be closer to her.

Basically we started talking online, I had just gotten out of a really nasty long distance relationship where I was being put in a position to move and I didn't want to leave my home in the time frame I was being offered and was dumped. I was in a chat room talking about it and I started messaging her when I saw she lived in Chicago and I just asked "oh cool you live in Chicago, how do you like it?" she responded at first saying to one of the admins in the room "this user is bothering me" and I said "i'm sorry for bothering you, all I wanted to do was ask a question about my old city but ok" and then I dropped it and started talking about why I would never date online again and she messaged me appologizing telling me that she knows what it's like to be hurt and what not.

The first night we met, I was having depression issues and constantly laying in bed and she told me she loved me and I asked "how?" and she told me she loved me romantically that she thought I was "beautiful" (the term she used). We talked about our backgrounds. She talked about her home in Arizona and about her Native American heritage and I talked to her about my Jewish heritage and we had a lot to talk about so there was never a dull night, she'd fall asleep on cam with me and we'd talk on the phone for hours.

First time she called me she didn't have a cellphone and she'd have me call her at work and we'd talk maybe 20 minutes a day. She called me from her house phone a few times but didn't want me to call it saying her aunt would get mad. (Later I found out this was her husbands parents phone). I asked her about her marriage and she said that she was not married when I asked her and that her ex husband lived with his parents. I did not see her husband until he came over to the house doing his laundry and she would say "I wish he would leave already", turned out he actually lived at the house as it was his parents home. She later told me that she was still legally married and that she thought her husband had filed divorce papers but didn't and that he lied.

Over the next 2 months or so things got a little shakey when she was getting more upset over things, more people would PM her and hit on her, and she would get irritated where she thought she was bothering me and say "im sorry for bothering you i'll let you go" and proceed to not answering her messages.

During September, I had some serious problems as we were going through foreclosure on our home, i lost my job, and i was not sleeping or eating from stress/depression. I had planned to see her in person in early september and promised but i had to borrow my mother money to avoid our home from being foreclosed and get it up on the market. She started acting distant mid september and was upset i didn't make do with my promise and when i would say "I love you" she would say "yeah". She kept hinting at being friends and asking stuff like "if I loved another man would you still love me" "if I was raped would you still love me" "if I had to live with David (her husband) because i needed a place to stay would you still love me". She got upset and wouldn't talk to me over something I said about opening a swiss bank account and I said I was coming out to see her and she said "do what you want" so I sold one of my handguns and was going to come out to see her, I told her I was coming out there and she said "do what you want" again.

I didn't sleep at all that night and the lack of sleep was causing me problems and I woke up groggy and feeling depressed, I talked to some friends online and they called the police saying I was not acting myself and they came over and initiated a baker act (Florida mental health law) which I was taken to a crisis center involuntarily and kept there for 72 hours for mental evaluation and my firearms were confiscated. My girlfriend didn't find out until later that night which i had been transferred to the hospital for kidney infection because of black mold poisoning in my home and a psychward. I talked to my girlfriend on the phone and she was crying and saying "why are you there" "your mom was blaming me for you being in there!" I finally got out and she talked to me a little but her friends were angry at me and wouldn't talk to me online at all. She said "Be my friend, it will be easier if I think of you as my friend and won't hurt as much" and said "Someone tried to take away my pain and tried to sleep with me but I didn't do it", over the next few days I was going insane over the thought of losing her and I started to backoff and she would call me from work saying "so are you still coming up here?" "I just want you to get better first then maybe we can continue the relationship" and I told her my mother took the rest of my money I was going to use to see her.

By mid october, we sold everything and our home and my mother and her boyfriend bought a new place on the beach and I flew out to Chicago to see her for a Pow Wow. I told her I was staying for 3 weeks and at first she was like "your staying for 3 weeks then going home, then what", then the day before I was to go because I wasn't online at all, she was saying she loved me and couldn't wait to see me.

I flew into Ohaire airport in Chicago and my friends picked me up, she kept asking what flight I was on and what not, friends took me to Hilton hotel and she wasn't able to see me the first night and said "I will see you soon". In the early morning the next day, she knocked on my door and I didn't know who it was, and I seen her, I was happy and it was a wonderful feeling, she kissed me and hugged me and had a big smile on her face. She kept hugging me and smiling and laid in bed with me and she wanted to make love to me, I was nervous and held off and she said "I respect you" and left happy.

She came over the next day and I said "I am ready" and I felt awkward the first time but she left happy. The first week went great then one day she came over, i noticed she was always texting on her cell phone and I seen on her keychain a thing with her husbands name on it. I said 'what's this' and she said "oh you can throw that away" and I said "it's ok", so she picked it up and started tearing it apart with anger and then went to the bathroom and started taking a sharp tool to her arm and I said stop it please stop and to distract her, I hit my head on the wall so she would stop. She said "omg are you ok" and she said "why did you do that!" and I thought everything was over at that point. She left upset.

We went to the pow wow in Chicago and her friend met us from Indiana, she held my hand but not in front of her friend. She had me try fry bread and stuff like that and I had fun. I met her daughter for the first time too and then she had to go home after that.

The 2nd week, stuff was back to normal then we had some arguments, there was something on my cam that bothered her,

2nd week I had spent a lot of money on her, I bought her a laptop and clothes/food, stuff like that. She wanted me to make love to her without a condom saying she wanted my children and she got upset when I wouldn't and she kept saying "why won't you, whats the problem?" I was a bit worried.

by 3rd week, she was saying that when I leave Chicago it would be too hard and we should be friends when I leave so it would be easier and it hurts less to think of me as a friend, and I extended my stay as a result, right before I was about to leave she claimed a picture of a nude women showed up (no idea what she was talking about) and I hit my head in frustration and she said "you broke your promise you promised not to hit yourself!", and she wouldn't talk to me at all. In the morning she wouldn't talk to me at all and I was deciding if I should extend my stay as I was scheduled to go back to Florida and I had told her I would stay another week, but since she wouldn't talk to me, I wrote her saying "I'm going back to Florida, the train leaves soon" and she called me back crying saying "thanks you made me even more upset!" and she was crying and what not, then I said I changed my mind and was staying for another week at another hotel. I transferred over and she came over and at first wouldn't hug me or kiss me and she sat down and talked to me saying how I hurt her, then I looked down in sadness and she jumped on top of me and kissed me and then left. She came over later and we went to see her grandpa at the old peoples home but she said I couldn't go in there as visitors weren't allowed. I thought it was weird like she didn't want her family knowing about me.

We went to the store the next day and I bought her stuff for her home, paint, new stuff for her bathroom because she said she needed it fixed for thanksgiving and I thought she would invite me over to meet her family and I kept hinting at it saying "I'm not sure what i'm going to do for thanksgiving" and she said "we'll figure something out". She never had me over and ended up bringing me leftovers and some wine later in the night and she got angry when we were making love and I "flinched" when she was on top of me because she thought I thought she was going to do something without a condom. She kept saying "you don't trust me you keep flinching!" and this was something she got angry at me about several times before and I told her I can't help flinching.

I think that was the last time I saw her in Chicago, she said "please don't leave, can't you stay here longer, what if you stay a few more days or can't you get your mom to send money and get a place here" and I explained there were no places for lease there that were in my budget and it simply wasn't realistic. I said I was going to Indiana to stay there for a few days and buy some time as my mother owed me some money and figure out how to come back to Chicago. She kept saying she was afraid I wouldn't come back.

I stayed with her friends for a few days at his parents and she said that they are family to her and asked how my stay was and told me she missed me, a few days there, I told her friends what was going on and they didn't even know that my girlfriend and I were going out and she had told me to keep it a secret because she said they were mad at me for being in the psychward. Her friends brother confronted her online when she was talking to this guy online and said "admit DJ is Dennis" and she said "shhh don't tell Matt" and I asked her and she said "no that person isn't DJ" (this is the person that she was seeing while I was in the psychward). I said "I AM DONE WITH THIS YOU LIED TO ME" and signed offline and she kept calling saying she loved me and she was sorry and begging her best friends brother to have me call her. I finally gave in and she said that she loved me and didn't want to lose me.

[Mythical]

We finally arranged to meet her in Chicago and drove out there, she kissed me and she wanted to get beer at the store or something for a friend. She was commenting on the new car I had and said "you should paint it black and put Valdora and Matt in a heart on the back" she then asked how much money I had from my mom and said "so you have about 5000 left right?" and I thought that was awkward.

We didn't see each other in about a week and a half because her friends and I were busy finding a place for rent, work and driving around constantly. She would call because I was hard to reach saying she missed me and loved me and we finally got our place. She was then complaining the very last week that her husband was treating her like crap and cheated on her and was talking to another lady and she needed evidence of this. I was like "why do you care, your separated from him I thought?" She said she was sick of it and asked if we could get her. I told her to come to Indiana for a few days and we'd help her find a job here and she said her kid had school and I asked if her kid could take a day or two off and she said "probably". I told her that it would have to be more than one day though.

We went to pick her up, spent 50 bucks in gas and a couple hours to get her, this was the first full night she was going to spend with me. Picked her up at her husbands house and went back to our rental house, we held hands in the car and then went to walmart, got some alcohol as she said we needed something to drink that night. Went back to the house, met roommates girlfriends parents and had a blast, then my girlfriends daughter said she wanted to go home and said "we will go home tomorrow" after she said she could stay longer than one day. My roommates told me about this and said "that's not enough to go out for a job interview, why did she bother coming out if shes not going to stay that long?"

I went in the bedroom where she was and she started touching me and what not and I said "hold on a second" "did you say you can only stay one day?" and she said "yeah why?" and I said "you said you were going to stay until tuesday" and she said "I said maybe" and I walked out in anger and walked down the road. She chased after me yelling "Matt why are you running?" I turned around and said "Why do I waste my time and money getting gas to come and get you if you are only able to stay one day? We thought you were coming to find a job" and she said "oh that's nice, I'm a waste of time huh?" and I started walking back and she said "walk back alone, i'm a waste of your time". Her friend came out and started yelling at us both and walked us back and she was saying "I'm tired of chasing guys" and they were joking around and laughing about it.

When I got back to the house, I laid down depressed and she was moving her stuff out of the room. She took out her laptop and gave it to me saying "here you can have it back, I didn't use you" and I said "i gave it to you, keep it" and she said "you know you hurt my feelings, I don't want to be a waste of your time, that's something David or Joe would have said to me" "I have given you enough chances, it's over, done, I am finished with this" "I wanted to make love to you so much" and she had her hands on me "but you hurt me" and I said "i'm just going to go" and she said "where are you going?" and I said "I don't know, anywhere, i'm leaving" and she held me down and said "go ahead try to escape" in a playful way then asked if I wanted something to drink.

We drank bicardi 140 hurricane and I had like 11 glasses, she had 1 and she kept saying she shouldn't drink because she thought she was pregnant and was mine. We laid down in the bed and she made love to me, but then did something that betrayed my trust, after about 2 hours, I didn't have a condom on and she made love to me without a condom on and I asked her to stop and she said "are you ok" and afterwards she said "i'm so sorry I didn't mean to betray your trust are you mad at me!" "I know it's something you didn't want to do!" I said it was ok (although I was still upset about it), she said we should fight more and that we were making up. We fell asleep, woke up in morning and she was different by noon.

She looked up at me while laying on the bed on her laptop and said "you know you hurt my feelings last night, I think we should be friends, it didn't hurt as much when I thought of you as a friend, we never fought." I said "you don't love me anymore?" and she said "I do, but I want you to get better, and then we can continue later" She had her friend take her home but then my roommate got into a huge argument with her yelling at her saying "YOU LIED, YOU TOLD US YOU WERE STAYING FOR 4 DAYS TO LOOK FOR A JOB AND YOU DIDN'T, WHAT DID YOU DO TODAY, YOU ONLY BROUGHT YOUR DAUGHTER SO YOU COULD GO HOME THE NEXT DAY AS AN EXCUSE" and it went downhill from there. We took her home, roommate wouldn't talk to me and my girlfriend was upset with me. By morning she messaged me saying she loved me and missed me and I said "do you love me romantically or as a friend?" she said "both, but we're not going out right now".

The day after, things were distant again and her friend told us not to talk to each other and told her stuff that made her made at me saying that I said she was obsessive (I did not say this) and that I needed to focus on my life and she needed to focus on hers and that she was a married women and needed to get divorced first.

We still secretly talked and roommates were complaining that I was moping around and what not.

The next few days we had arguments, I told my friends I think she dumped me and she wrote me saying "Did you tell so and so that we broke up?" "I never broke up with you! I wanted you to get help because I love you" and I said "I'll get help for us" and she said "what us? you told them we broke up" and I said "but you said we weren't going out".

Few days later after she never texted me, she was saying she had a false positive on a pregnancy test and she was constantly saying she felt sick and ill, throwing up and her belly hurt, yet had a big appetite and missed her period. After that, we got into another argument and I said "things are different between us, you dont really tell me you love me much anymore or txt me" and she said "I was busy throwing up for your information" and started getting mean towards me and yelling at me and said "things are different, don't talk to me, go find a new girlfriend!"

Later that day, we started talking again and then she got upset again a day later when I was repeating myself and asked her about toxemia and schools and just yelling at me about everything. I then called her on the phone and she was with her husband christmas shopping for her daughter and she was calling me "dude" on the phone, I talked about moving out to Chicago and she said "why would you do that?"

She would sometimes be in a good mood, go on camera and fall asleep with me or what not. She was making jokes about her husband and saying that she needed to get me more bicardi and was making sexual jokes and stuff.

Last night she messaged me when I wasn't online and said "hi hun" and was wondering where I was at and went on cam and fell asleep with me. Today she got upset when I said I moved out here to be closer to her and she said "don't make that one of your reasons, you told me you moved out here for you! Now your making me feel like shit!" and when I asked "do you want to see me?" she said "of course you know I do! Why would you ask that?! I'm goin!" and wouldn't talk. Then she signed back on and conversation was normal, she said she took another pregnancy test and said she wasn't pregnant and thinks it was just from stress and asked me to get her something called black and blue Cohosh because she hadn't gotten her period. She got on cam asking me about her shoes and said she had to go to Christmas party, she blew me a kiss but didn't say "I love you" which I thought was strange.

Our relationships all over the place, she's not making it clear if we're still going out or not and it's leaving me in a stuck position what I should do at this point but I been getting very depressed about everything and I'm not sure if I was used or if she dumped me or if this is just some sort of attention thing, I have no idea at this point.

[kai]

Those were two big novels. I only read the second one (in parts). All I can say is that never have an affair with a married woman. It's going to cause you trouble, that's it.