Hi, I'm 22 and just started going out with this girl. She's pretty much my first girlfriend in...ever...sad I know. My biggest problem getting girls, (and likely still my biggest problem) is that I am shy. Very very shy. I had a very tough childhood growing up living with an abusive, drunk father that pretty much killed the adventurous and fun loving boy in me when I was a kid. I grew up without many friends (nobody to talk to) and if it weren't for video games, I'd have nothing to do all day. I used to stay in my room all day if I wasn't in school and had no social life whatsoever. School was great because I was away from my father, but I wasn't an intelligent kid. I was shy, socially awkward, but luckily I wasn't picked on ever. I just didn't have friends and nobody to talk to.
Things started to change a bit when I left for college. Got a job, was away from family, started communicating with strangers and I found it a whole lot easier talking to people. Going to college was the best move I've ever done.
While in college I lied about my past, and my childhood to everybody I met. I didn't want them to know what it was like growing up in a lonely room with nobody to talk to.
Feels good getting that off my chest.
Ok, the girl part. In October, I accidentally bumped into a girl at a coffee shop. I ended up getting coffee on my shirt and she was very apologetic. So she was trying to help me cleanup and asking questions like if I was burned. So we got to talking a bit and she goes to the same college as me and I just asked her if we could hangout some time, as a little IOU for burning me with burning hot coffee. she accepted and gave me her number. So I called her a few days later, after much thinking and set up to meet her on campus someplace.
After getting to know her a bit, she turns out to be awesome. I wouldn't know it, but if TV was right, she's the girl that you definitely bring home to your mother for dinner and the family will love her right away. She's just that awesome.
I'll skip some parts and get to our first kiss...my first kiss....so we went out one night and she was being very flirty (and I wouldn't know flirty normally, but it seemed flirty) and so I figured why not, and kissed her.
Our little progression into a romantic thing grew and grew a bit more each time I spoke to her, saw her, or basically communicated with her.
So she wanted me to know that she considers me her boyfriend now, and that we are a couple. I was like "just like that? uh..ok".
This is where my problems come in. I haven't been completely honest with her. I lied to her too about my childhood and growing up. I couldn't tell her the truth, and I feel like I still can't tell her the truth. This is the only thing I've ever been dishonest to her about. I don't lie to her on any other occasion.
I feel rushed getting into this relationship. I've already told her this. She's had her share of boyfriends and stuff and I've already told her I was a virgin and she was the first girl I ever got involved with. She thinks it's "powerful" knowing that she will always have an impact on my life even 50 years from now. She is ok with taking the relationship thing slow so I can think about the whole thing and make sure I'm doing it voluntarily and not by force or something.
We're not having sex. It's cool with me, after 22 years, what's another week or month without sex? We've made out and done some touching. Nothing oral yet.
Because of my shyness, I don't really like calling her. I don't even know why. I feel nervous talking to her at times because of how inexperienced I am at relationships and asking her out, my thought process is "I'm sure she's done this with one of her exes before".
Another problem is I have no idea where to take her. I don't have much money and neither does she, so we are limited in the 'going out and having fun' area.
I feel like eventually the way things are going, she's gonna break it off. And at this point, while I will miss her, I feel like letting her go would be beneficial for her to advance in her own life and meet new people, do new things. Part of this goes back to the relationship going along really slow aspect. While she says it's ok we take our time because of me, I don't know if she actually means it. While I try to make myself think she does, there's always that doubt.
Do I love this girl? I don't know. But I do have these feelings toward her that I've never felt about another person before. I don't know if it is love though.
Every moment I am with her I enjoy. I try to be the good boyfriend, but I don't exactly know what the good boyfriend has to do exactly.
I try to be gentlemanly. I open doors for her, I listen to her talking even though I'd rather run into the streets getting hit by cars, I try to pay for dinner and things like that as much as possible. I try to make her laugh, feel special, feel pretty. I care about her so much I want her to be happy. I tell her how important she is to me but at the same time I joke around that she's better off with some guy who knows what he's doing in a relationship.
I just wanted to get this all off off my chest.
How can I be the good boyfriend, what do I have to do? The little things, the important things, the big things?