What I meant was, if the subject about "us" is ever going to be approached - she's going to have to be the one to approach it. Although in a way, she's the one sitting there saying "I don't want us to hate each other" ....... I want her to expand on what that even means, but I don't want to drag anything out of her. That's why if I respond I want to respond nonchalantly, with sort of a back door probe, if there is such a thing with this.
I'm not 100% over her. I'm just kind of distanced at the moment but I have accepted the fact we are no longer together. I grieved like I had never grieved before over a woman. And then I started getting mad because it really wasn't just me the entire time. She played a role in this too. I allowed myself to "I'm sorry" all over the place and I needed to show some more self-respect. I didn't have a chance to mentally prepare for the trainer thing, but the particular aspect of it disgusts me so much that I'm not hurt, just shaking my head.