Don't know what to do...

[lost2002]

Hi everyone...

I am just speechless. Saggy heart today, although all is not lost.

I have been dating a great girl for almost 5 months. Everything was going great until today. We have never had a fight, we always have fun... We click on all levels. Most of all, we really like each other a lot and it is know on a daily basis.

This all sounds great, but there is one problem. We are still in the "dating" category.

This is where it started last night and on to today.

So my girl had gotten out of a 5 year marriage. They were apart for 3 years of it, so really they were together for 2 years while she was away at school.

Well, I was and still am the first guy she has dated since. She has gone on another date while we were still first getting to know each other but that was it.


Well, the problem is, she is between the stage of knowing if she wants to be my official girlfriend but part of her wants to still be single. She said she just cant make a decision. She likes me a ton. Vise versa here. She just doesn't know what to do. I dont know what to do. I don't want to date around and still see each other. I want to be with her exclusively. I have such a fear of her meeting another guy and forgetting me. She tells me that it sucks for me that she keeps introducing me as the guy shes dating, although she treats me as a boyfriend/ me her as a girlfriend. She is just afraid to use those official titles although part of her wants to. She tells me i'm everything shes been looking for. That I have treated her the best out of anyone she has ever been with, and loves everything about going out with me. She tells me she thinks that we get together so well, that she cant really see us breaking apart if we do go to the next step. Someone she could spend the rest of her life with.

She asked me last night and again today if would i still be friends with her if we didn't date. I said I'm not answering that question. it's an easy cop out. I know she is going through a lot emotionally, but I am too. I'm a horrible dater. I know i have met a great girl that i can see myself with for the rest of my life( it's still early, and I'm in no way in a hurry to get married for at least 2 years of dating someone steady...) No way am i going to let another guy touch her, kiss her and turn blind to that. it would eat my insides out.

She even says she doesn't want to see me with anyone else.

What should I do?
I refuse to be a rebound guy. I'm not a rebound guy.

I think us getting together official is partly being screwed by her roomate. A single, also attractive girl who also doesn't have many friends in town, so they are best friends. Her roomate is a player. I don't know what she is telling my girl. But i have a feeling that she could possibly be jelious that I'm a new big part of my girls life, so she has less time to hangout and go out with her/ party. I like her roomate a lot, I just dont know for sure if she likes me enough to support me and my girl without thinking of herself first.


I just don't know. I'm heartbroken without the loss right now.

She even said that maybe she just needs to change her mindset that she just luckily found what she was looking for on the first try. I went on over 10 dates last year, including getting out of a 8 month relationship and not one of those other girls can touch this one and what we have.

On the last chat we had today. I told her I want to be with her... She said she does too. Its just a very emotional stage right now.

[irrelevant_89]

Hmm... this one needs the answer of an expert... I'm not one unfortunately =(

Anyway, I think you were unlucky to be her first after that marriage. If she had dated two or three guys before coming across you, you probably wouldn't have this problem... but this way her position is understandable, after the failure that her previous relationship was she isn't ready to commit herself just yet... but the feelings you two have for each other seem to be strong enough, and IMO a little more time will sort things up. I'd tell you to stay patient and don't pressure her right now.

but this is just my kinda-worthless opinion.

[lost2002]

Thanks, I agree with you that I need to be more patient. I have been, but this subject seems to poke it's head up... It did at the 2 month mark.... And now again at the 5th month coming up.

She stayed over last night, and we talked a little more about the discussion we had in the morning. She said that I need to throw it in her face more that if we ever broke up she would have a huge loss, because I'm not replaceable... Not a lot of guys out there like me. Etc. Who make her feel the way I do, and take care of her.

Any other suggestions or opinions would be great. I just feel I need to talk about this whole subject to clear my mind up a bit more.

Thanks everyone

[vashti]

I don't really understand what you are asking us... to clarify, it looks as though you asked her for exclusivity, and she refused.

The only options you have available to you are to continue dating her, knowing she isn't yours entirely, or not continue dating her.

Is she sleeping with you? If so, I would expect that she is also sleeping with others (or would, given the right circumstances), so you should be sure to protect yourself from STDs.

[lost2002]

Vashti...

First of all, she is the one who brought this conversation up about exclusivity. She says she thinks shes on the edge of making it exclusive (official titles of boyfriend/girlfriend), but part of her seems to feel that she might want to be single since she hasn't been in so long. But she wants to be with me, and knows she will lose me if we breakup, which she doesn't want.

She is not sleeping with anyone else. She stayed every night last week in my bed. She works 6 days a week, horrible hours. Every open time she has she is with me, or calls me when she gets off work to hangout. I stay at her place too.

The stupid thing of all of this, we are treating each other already as boyfriend and girlfriend without the titles. It's all in her mind about making the title transition since she got out of a long relationship.

She's already told me she can see being with me for the long run, forever.

She called me today from work, saying she just wanted to say hello. Hear my voice. Misses me, although we saw each other 5 hours earlier.

I think if I stay patient it will workout in the end.

[Coco]

So then what do you want from the forum then? What do you need clarified?